It's ~quiet~ Out There. This is what i am noticing first. It's quiet. This time of day there's been great snorting, shrill whistles, a kind of odd trumpeting like Elephants do, gutteral groans and some times a Scream. None of these words are right, but i can't sit and think of righter ones. There's nothing left in me for that right now. This evening tho for the first time in i don't know how long, it's totally silent except for WIND. Everyone is fed. Everyone has clean water. Everyone has a place out of the Rain.
~.~ This morning Sun rose and i watched the clock till it was 8 and then dialed Jan the Dog Trainer. Who has sheep, goats too. I told her i was sorry to once again NEED. But i needed. She said ok that as soon as her hay was delivered she'd call back and come. Sometimes she is stressed by her own Necessities but today she wasn't. Sure, she said.
Then it began to RAIN. Again. and it kept raining. At about 1:00 she called. Hay delivered and put in place. She was ready. "It's RAINING" i said. Her response: "So What." She asked the size of area where the bucks are, to determin if she needed to bring one of her dogs. No. ok. so there she came down the road. I watched for her. I put Tay in her crate just to make it easiest, no comotion and let her in the gate. As we walked to the Albatros in pouring rain she said "You need these" She carried two crooks. A leg crook and a neck crook. (you can google crooks) We went into the buck pen and i showed her Nogal and Tenzen. Gideon was snorting me wanting attention, Sunny Ray just standing very still and alert. Nogal and Tenzen wary. So she tried a little with the crook, showing me how they work but also they were not working on Nogal, a master of a Spin that set him free. Tenzen she couldn't even use the crook for except once. And it was pouring rain.
All the while Sunny Ray and Gideon were standing there, Sunny Ray watching, Gideon wanting love, so she said...they go. Change in plans. Sunny Ray got a looped leash and i hauled him out and over, Gideon coming agreeably along with the crook. DONE.
Painless. Kind but without emotion. That's her. No emotion.
If you remember, Tay stayed with her for a few days before coming here to make sure she would be OK with livestock. Just a few days. I had put Tay in her crate when i saw Jan coming down the road, just to minimize comotion. So when we were finished with the Goats, i asked her if she would come in for a minute and see Tay. And.........
And i am teary writing this. When she came in the door, Tay barked her Great Stranger Danger bark but as i unhooked her crate door she
and she was Unbelievably HAPPY to see her, so beside herself with happiness,, so trying not to express that happiness by jumping or pushing or or or but she was SO HAPPY and Jan laughed and congratulated her on becoming such a Great Dog and well, it was just so Wonder FULL. Like really WONDER FULL...to watch this dog greet someone she KNEW....so different than those she doesn't know. How so totally Brilliant a being she is in her Remembering, her Love.
And then it pretty much Rained all day until not all that long ago when i went out and cleaned the does feed bowls and dried them and took them their pellets
and walking back toward the house i " saw" something. I saw/sensed something. Do you see the small rock at about 3oclock out from the tree? Maybe i'll wait till this gets posted to say it better. Anyway, lost in my own head, walking, that Thing says....Hey, grace, Look.
there, with all these Goat feet. So, what do we know off hand? That a caterpillar made its way across that barren expanse, amidst GOATS and found this rock. This rock that seemed to be good enough. A small sheltered place, and went inside and created this chrysalis. How long does that TAKE? i don't know. I need to find out. I must have walked past this rock a hundred times while it was going on. But here we have it.
I intervened. I brought the rock up. Here it's on the railing. But then, as it began to rain again, i set it down behind the door where it would be sheltered.
There is SO MUCH. SO MUCH to be learned from all this....to be absorbed and assimilated. Just So Very Much. And ok. I am going Out There and see what's going on in this first night of Peace.
....................it's Dark now. Time to sleep. To dream. and the First Night in a Long Time that there is sleep without Anxiety. A night when nothing is expected but sleep. No fear. Nice. Nice.