thinking today how some days, i actually look forward to sleeping. Night. And i wondered, because sleeping and night mean dreaming. Dreaming means actually MORE going on than in any day, so much, so much "work" really, so much needing to be accomplished in the dreams, but as i thought about it, i realize that in the dreams, there really is never resolution. Just the going. There is never an Outcome. And in the dreaming, it's not an issue. But how in the day world, there so often is an expected Outcome, or a hoped for Outcome.
How about if i was really mindful of this? What would That be like? Intellectually, i get it. But what if i really become mindful? With Everything.....?????
this is Kathy's work....there was a meeting, i think it was Friday? i really don't know without thinking about it, but Friday is close enough. Travis left a message that Camille who he knows was looking for persons to participate in a Peace Day and gave her #....she is the Director of the Subsidized Housing place in town...i don't know her, or, didn't. I'll get to. Camille left a message. Meeting. So i went. There were the three of us, hence the International Peace Day Committee Coordinators......eeeee
There were/are some emails going back and forth. Tomorrow i pick up some rendition of the above and my first task will be to contact and deliver to the 16 churches in town...16, how could that be?? but yes, i have a list of 16. And i have already called and had a great connection with the woman who is the Community Liaison for the College in town about coordinating with them and i am waiting for a call back from the Navajo Nation Alamo Reservation up and far beyond Magdalena.
I wanted to be of Use.
and of course right now there are things that need to be done about the Old Cowboy's house that is just sitting there and papers to pick up and i go to pick them up and no one comes to the door of the office so i need to go do Something for a while then go back and
there was an ENORMOUS amount of Rain...Sky Water....from the storm yesterday, everything Goat is soggy and they expect me to fix that, somehow count on me to fix that
and i read Dee Mallon's blog post and that she is defending with Kidjo and laugh because i don't know how many times in the last couple days i have clicked it in the side bar, gone to full screen and full blast and felt a reprieve
so this is me but for Some of Us, not so much....double click in the center....this ONE, creative and a First, of having somehow created a centrifical swirl in the Feather Grass, making a Perfect round place for sitting quietly and just looking.
canning. I love following oh so closely the directions and the rules. Just love it. I'd forgotten how much i love it. It's been a while.
There is a mess. As i type this, i have heard that totally satisfying sound of ........ Tink.......the jars have sealed.
OK. 5 sealed pint jars. a 6th, not quite enough...so it will go into the refrigerator till tomorrow. So much attention to detail. So much timing. 5 pints. The box i brought home actually would have been 15 pints at least but i waited too long and some started to "go". Tonight i had to quit on the first go round because i didn't have enough ice to Blanch. I love the blanching. The heating and then
into cold water.
Tap water this time of year is not so much cold, not cold enough for a Plunge. In order to keep it cold enough for just this much, i put a container of frozen macaroni and cheese under the pot and then a frozen half chicken and what's left of a container of ice cream from the kids around the pot. All the ice cubes. Tomorrow...we'll see. If i repeat the canning, i'll get a bag of ice. if i decide not to, to just cook up a Vat of generic tomatoe sauce and FREEZE it....
but whatever way it goes. it's Satisfying. and gives me a good sense of what it might be like to harvest from the Garden all that would be needed for a whole year ahead. I have the sense of that. If i had no freezer. If i had no store nearby. To rely on this. To NEED this.
Our own definition of words....earnest....as in maybe sincere, whole hearted, effortful.
They speak without voices
look, They said look at this one, an older one, how They could see the whole of the experience of the being, not just the present, but the whole of the lifespan so far, maybe the essence of this particular lifespan, all of what brought it into this present beingness. And They looked with a uhhhh, tenderness, a love...but here the words get sticky because they are human words, not "words" these beings would have in their "language", their language being more like a Sensing, which would be more whole and all inclusive than a language of words that hold many nuanced "definitions". What They have is more whole.
It was that space between sleep and returning to consciousness. I have been sleeping with a pillow between my legs...an idea i got from Alyssia because she sleeps with many pillows everywhere to ease the thing of the Lupus, and i got the idea some months ago because my knees are bony and i sleep in a fetal position, knee to knee but also turn a lot and stretch my legs and i notice that the pillow also seems to help with not waking to leg cramps? Anyway, i am in that delicate space and lying on my left side, facing the door to the bedroom, the wall that has the Green Tara Tapestry. I am not awake. And i extend my right leg all the way out and sense it to be ....long....very long...much longer than it is. And my awareness goes "up" to the ceiling where there are i think 3 of Them...They are not visible to the eye, but clearly there and then i am somehow there, looking down with Them and "me", also, lying there on the white sheets, that long leg outstretched. It is barely becoming light outside. They are simply Observing and kind of noting what They observe with one another, this old female human being and there is this sense that the word, if They used words, the word they would use to note this one, would be Earnest. If they spoke with words and aloud, They would have "said"....Look...Look at this one, an old female. Look how Earnest. and they would note it, because that is their purpose, to witness humankind, take note of how it's all Going here on this planet, then move on. Kind of like how the angels were in the library in that so excellent Wim Wenders movie Wings of Desire. Like that.
So i could feel the "tenderness" of Their observing and also feel how it was to be the one being observed with tenderness and such a kind of inclusive of everything love, larger than any kind of love i know.
It has stayed with me, 3 days now. If i become very still and close my eyes i can still feel it a little.
My friend Sydney had emailed me, wondering if i was familiar with EFT earlier that day. Emotional Freedom Technique, sometimes called Tapping. Yes. And i had worked on the thin thin thread thin legs of the butterflies on the cloth that day. In EFT, while tapping meridians, the affirmation is stated...."Even tho..........................fill in the blank. Even tho i am very sad, anxious, angry, whatever. "Even tho i..........., I deeply and completely love and accept myself" So...maybe this was the result of those two things????? i don't know. But i don't want to let go of the experience yet. There is more to say, but this is enough for now.
Off and on great Electrical Storms, Wind is cool and so welcome.
this scrap. No matter where you put it, it's BeautyFull. Maybe that's why i so love how Jude has taught me, stitching cloth, stitching scraps of cloth, .... it's earnest devotion to the work and the work earnestly gives back.
Grew. These Grew. Partly me and Partly them. Learning. Learning is Growing, Growing is Learning. What i know from this particular year of growing is that it's true. IF IF you give water, in accordance to the happenings of the season, it is good enough. No need for extensive drip system. GO OUT THERE, twice a day if it seems right and GIVE water. These Bell Peppers...just some bigger than baseballs...YES!!!! look at them. Fine and just so so Great.
With the let up of the Heat, the remaining tomato plants are producing. Eggplants continue to give more than enough...enough to give away. So i learned. All is well. All manner of things shall be well.
Hildegaard de Bingen
Growing. Growing my Self. I grow kids. I grow myself/Goats/Dog/Cat i grow Love. I grow commitment, determination, Joy. I grow learning Cloth, Making Cloth. Growing.