i had thought i was finished with Old Cowboy chores for a while, but not yet. Today i took him to his lawyer. Who i have met a few times. In the past, he has made his way from the back door at ground level with his cane. Then the last two times, with his walker with wheels. Today was in the new Transport Wheelchair. A significant change. And the whole exchange between he and the lawyer was significantly different. It took much longer than ever, and it always has taken a long time, but longer than ever to tell enough stories to "get to the point". A simple question from the lawyer might be answered by OCB reciting the circumstance of his birth, how his brain was "dented" because his mother couldn't get him out and how there were never anymore children for her because of this child with a dented brain. Or a long Telling of the 5 things his father taught him. This came up a few times. The 5 things begin with Never Lie. and end with Do Your Best, even if it's not that good. Just do your best.
So you might get the jist of how it was. Having a feeling it might be ify, i suddenly decided to take the wrist mala with me and i'm glad i did. In the past, i have become impatient with him, with his efforts to "save face" by assuming his John Wayne persona. Today, that was gone. He was just him. Old and failing and embarassed by both of those but no longer trying to hide anything. Just trying to make sense. So as their exchange went on, i fingered the mala and silently repeated the mantra of Compassion. On the way home he wanted to stop again and get a green chili cheese burger. ok. and then i am finally Home.
I took to the table the Transmigration cloth that rests on the big embroidery hoop. Just Feeling it, and wondering softly, what all this might be. There is no answer to that. There Won't be an answer to that. But soft wonder is ok.
and i found self thinking about those last almost 3 years of Alz. B in the Old Folks Home. And how i'd inadvertantly Given my Word to the OCB so long ago to do whatever i could to keep him in his home. He is not like Alz. B whose mind disintegrated. For him, it is his body that is failing him. Will be a long hard road ahead. But here we are. For reasons that will never be known. But they ARE. And they are strong. So, ok. We just keep going.