and it's interesting. Today would be the exact kind of day i would like to NOT repeat much for the rest of my life. and saying that, i call myself to attention. it actually was a very OK day by standards of the World. by standards of the Majority on the Planet. in a certain way, all was just fine. Nothing went wrong. Well, a little....my firewood that's left from last year is burning very smokey. i have no idea why. maybe from a LOT of sand blown into it and then way more moisture than usual....??? Maybe i'm burning wood and sand???? But if that's the most i have to be uncomfortable about then.....
and, really, it's not worth even writing here. but the day was manipulated in a way that would not have been of my choosing. so here, at the end of it
this morning i saw, SAW, this design at the one of four corners of the rug that is near the Morning Chair. how amazing that i never was noticing this image here before??????????????? and i got up and looked at all the four corners, where the repeating pattern meets and they are all different.
But. look at this one. I really like it.
and a scribble on the Stenographer's Pad. a female figure floating, dreaming, floating. How many fiber figures i made of this. maybe one in Cloth?
and this last night. December, the Twelfth Month, the thirtyith day..........Tomorrow. is, IS?, the significance of the 31st day of the twelfth month REAL? or, maybe the question is, is it Real Enough?, as Real as anything, really..............???
and i go over to Michelle of NYC and find John Prine and Iris DeMint singing
Inspite of Ourselves
How many times did i sing that to myself, thinking that THIS WAS THE TIME???????????????
but it wasn't.
and just now, after listening to them, i hear a sound and ....YUP. ONE MORE MOUSE in the Tin Cat!. i had pulled down the "company" down comforter from that top shelf of the bathroom closet thingy and yup. Hole chewed. in the comforter, in the ceiling stuff. Mice. and cat Tazmeena is sitting on the futon couch, all comfey. not caring.
SO. in Spite of Ourselves....all of Ourselves we'll end up sittin on a rainbow.
began this morning by FINALLY catching a mouse in the Tin Cat! i thought it wasn't going to work. it's been a while, sitting there on the bottom shelf, the clump of peanut butter in place. but this morning...TA DA! sitting glumly in there, a good mouse. or, maybe sitting in there sick from eating so much peanut butter? anyway.....and the idea is to carry it far from your home to release. but being the season it is, with the New Year just around the corner, i took him/her out to the Albatros to join the legions there. Next time tho....
and then, the rest of the good part of the day was spent fixing the ceiling and roof with Paul. Done. For time being. i love that expression, time being. on the roof we see that there is not enough of a slant. Snow probably, had weighed it down over time and there is a slight depression...enough to cause this pooling of water. the roof panels pulled up and re caulked, re sealed which will last a while. for that ... time being. but sometime in the future, it most probably will need something more extensive. but...Who Knows???? maybe not.
many things that were in the ROOM needed to be put elsewhere and i saw that my Best houseplant, one of two, needs dusting. so it remains till tomorrow for that.
and my friend who had lived, and has still her home in Magdalena, up the mountain past Water Canyon, who has lived the last four years with her new true love in his home in Albuquerque called. He died. She is not one to love solitude so much. in general, but especially now. So she is coming New Year's Eve to have a meal and she remembered how i do my Calendar Work so she will buy and bring a 2014 Calendar and we will drink wine and ReVIEW the year of 2013. Next day she will return to Albuquerque to begin collecting her things. During that time when she had been off with her True Love, she missed everything about the Goats. it will be interesting to see what she sees here.
Snow Bunny, the Matriarch, managed to get into the house THREE times during the ceiling/roof work. Once she made it all the way into the livingroom. She just wants to look.
and all through the day, thinking about the good news of Buckwheat's new life yesterday, watching her calculating her entry, watching the rest of them watching Her, all crowded around the back steps, how they inspected all of Pauls equipment closely, ran away fast then came close to look more,
all through the day i was aware of how i love them "like i shouldn't". those words kept appearing in my mind. i'm not sure exactly what they mean, "like i shouldn't". but the feeling is that it's Too Much. Maybe in a way that is not wise? but then, the thinking continues that it's not out of stupidity or lonliness or seeing them in some kind of anthropomorphic way. it's just what rises up. So as i go well into my Second year with them, i am watching mySelf. watching Them. trying to understand what it is.
our BeLoved Buckwheat...who went off in the worst storm of 2013 to become Herd Sire at Deadbroke Ranch in Los Cruces
has sired two beautiful healthy doelings. With Jasmine. i wish i could put pics here, but they send with a wierd phone camera....but they are excellent little doelings...one so very much like Celia, her half sister here all electric black and white and the other totally BLACK except for a white FLASH at the end of her tail...which is unusual
BEAUTY and LOVE and HAPPINESS
sometimes cloth does not want to wait.
do you see the small shape up on that Rim? it could be anything,,,,...and so, it could be a Wandering Spirit? because we don't know what they look like...they look like many things. Today i was thinking about how the other day i saw a Raven walking, carrying something in It's beak.... something unusual. even that could have been a Wandering Spirit, being carried.
so i like how this bit of cloth made me say....Is THAT One? because it's how i say it. a flash of light, an unusual shape, and i think...Maybe,.....
so it was a very very Good cloth day.
i finished digging out space for the Way Back Gate to open. not so great, a second day of digging, but it's done. Ready. and this might seem like more procrastination, but no MOVE yet. Lucky Star, Snow Bunny and Onday were VERY MUCH in heat today....LOUD......agitated how it is. it lasts about 24 hours at that intensity. Not the best moment to begin. so i wait for them.
and having begun stitching on those shapes that were the Rims....half way through i saw them to be heavy and took them out.
These are Rims. closer. I think so.
And again, i am thinking about Story Cloth. to what length do you go for the Story?
So. again...that old Unforseen.
in order for the gates into and out of the pens to be Free, i had to dig them free. little was i aware that in the year and a half they've been here they could create SO MUCH new earth. New Earth, that's really something to think about. i never would have imagined. this is the Front main pen gate and i had to dig down almost 6 inches to swing the gate open. How amazing. and the second pic is of it piled up...it's really EARTH...like, you could plant Anything in it and it would THRIVE! but that wasn't what today was about. and then, the Way Back gate..., even more. i forgot to take a pic there. but even Deeper....because their tub where i drop the flakes of feed over the fence is right next to that gate. Goats are notorious as feed wasters...they are wild with it, lots flies out. and even tho i go through the house and deliver that initial drop to three different tubs farther away, a lot gets flung around. So...even deeper there i had to dig and because it's a South facing place, it's warmer, all winter long and there were
many many worms!!!! so i went down to that point but stopped there to give the worms a chance to retreat deeper. in the morning i think the coast will be clear.
but here's the Corridor between the back fence and the Albatros connecting both front pens. They ran back and forth all day, forgetting inbetween, then remembering and running again, getting lost then finding themselves, getting lost again. Caroline and her daughter Karma had the hair along their spines on end, their tail hair fanned out. Lucky Star even spun sideways many times and DID head but with Caroline, rising up on her hind legs and coming down a little hard. Because that second forgotton pen is back across from the Buck pen, all of the bucks lined up along the fence in fascination, their upper lips curled back, noses in the air so they could best appreciate the smell of close does. Even Nogal.
So what actually happened was only Half of It. i realized that what would make it Good would be to have a good working gate at one end of the Corridor. Good working gates make all the difference in the world.
so i called the Goat Helping guy to see if he had some time. yes. so he came and in his oh so slow methodical way cut a piece of cattle panel and attached some good strong livestock fencing to it. Slow going.
this is like Permanent. wrapped wrapped wrapped and then clamped close..." so they don't hurt their noses"...yes. no nose will get hurt. and it's STRONG.
this is how cattle panel is attached so it has a Hinge. and can move as a gate. this is ....hmmmm, electrician's tape?/plummer's tape? i forget. but its metal and has two different sized holes in it. makes a perfect hinge.
So tomorrow. tomorrow after i finish digging out the Way Back gate, i'll close this gate for a while and let all those Goats run through. Big Day. but today, in stead of anxiety, i feel excitement. We will do it. We will see what happens. i feel my tail hair flairing.
late in the day without a flash
trying...the light...not a good time of day, well, not even day. Dark outside. but i loved fooling with the light...trying. i managed to invisible baste everything down as the day became dark and i LOVE looking at it. I don't know if it will "read" that way for anyone else, but for me, those shapes at the top are all the RIMS of Earth that those wandering spirits frequent. i can't remember in the moment what it's called...Distance, foreground then things way far away???? can't remember, but that's what i see. and that so Great and Wonder Full little SUN...so far far away....
i really love this cloth. really love it.
i did a LOT of this. tying fencing to the metal Tposts with baling wire. A LOT. i shored up all the weak spots on the Buck fence. and yes. that IS Goat POOP, the little balls in that little green feeder that i put their minerals in. Somehow Goats manage to poop in everything. it's a phenomenon.
Gideon and Nogal were particularly interested.
i opened the little door into the right side of the Albatros. ( The Albatros being what i call the barn shed which is now just for Goats. it was originally built for Auto Repair but never used for that. Never really had Purpose. hence, Albatros...just a huge thing with no purpose hanging around my neck out there. Now, however, very purposefull.) anyway i opened that right side that has been empty since Buckwheat was over on that side and then gone to Los Cruces. just unused.
this is the cattle panel that divides the Albatros in half with entrys on both sides. Gates on both sides now.
this is the side that Lucky Star, Caroline, Karma and Celia have been using.
Caroline and her daughter Karma particularly interested.
So...ok. The Decision has been made. Tomorrow morning i will open the back Coridoor and let Those 4 Goats run back and forth for a while. Then.....................................................
I'll open the gate that is at the far back of this pic. All the doe Goats will BURST through, burst through where you see the dog Chinche here....
whiz around the salt cedar
and into this gate that will be OPEN with me inside with their bucket of pellets to cheer them on.
THEN. for a few days all of Them can get used to eachother again. All the does can get used to the two young ones smell, sound. Lucky Star can Think about how it is. and MAYBE after a few days, i can open the Corridor and they can all be one herd again. THEN, i can run them ALL back and forth from this Front to the Way Back . Maybe even every day. But during those hard days of January when it gets SO cold and snows or rains, everyone will have a dry place to be.
The Truth is.....and this is for the part of this Blog that is my own personal Journal of my Life, the Truth is that i have a really really hard time with this. People i can manage. the Old Cowboy, Alz B, even the thought of mySelf, but animals....they are my Weakness. i am Responsible for them. and the Truth is, i have been very anxious, nervous about all this now for months. i have put it off. put it off. put it off. There is no point. it will go how it will go. i have done every single thing i can think of to make it ok. Time now to just Go. o Kay.
and maybe then i can really get back to Cloth.
Work Away day. 2 jobs instead of one, ....i used to work 2 a day all the time. just some years ago, really, but gave that up. and today, i found self having no heart at all for it. just wanting to come home. the Grocery Store was brimming, as were people's shopping carts. hundreds of dollars of ingredients for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day. how wealthy we are in this country. i wanted a jar of dijon mustard. standing there, i should have counted, but there were SO many possibilities...maybe almost 10 brands of dijon? and i remembered how i experienced culture shock when returning from the Peace Corps experience in India in 1969. going to the grocery store. being completely undone by choice. standing there. just looking. leaving because i couldn't think.
but i chose a dijon mustard and then chose some Flowers to take to Alz B. tomorrow. i'll spend Christmas mid day with her. feed her lunch. she has always loved being brought flowers. not so much now. sometimes not at all now. but i thought it worth a try.
and then Paul the Magician of Fix arrived to access the leaking ceiling. so we climbed on the roof and saw a seperation and a .....sagging...eee....but he sussed it out, like Bob Marley, and will come on Saturday to correct the sag, to shore up the ceiling, to seal the seperated roof panels. All will be well. i Love Paul. i tell him that all the time. Paul loves to be loved. everything goes smooth.
there wasn't much of the day left, but i looked more. and enough to realize that i had begun this Cloth saying i was making something i had never seen before. and today that clicked. Why would i then, go forward putting things there that were so familiar? why don't i wait. be quiet. wait to find out really what's going on here? but then...
and i rummaged. looking for a cloth i'd made a long time ago, wanting to see what i'd done then, and making this messy mess even messier, but i didn't find it. it's in there, in one of these baskets. but i didn't find it. and all of a sudden, i didn't WANT to find it. This Cloth is THIS Cloth. Just be quiet and Wait. ok.
but i guess it was remembering India and i looked through the Pictures in here
and this is what i will make for New Year's Eve. which is the secular holiday i love. i cook. and eat and re VIEW my calendar and mark significant dates on the new calendar....things to remember of the previous year. What all will that be this time???????????????
i thought it would be a "Free" day. got cancelled from my Monday work. they were sick. so went to check on Alz. B and then a couple small errands. Home. Putting groceries away i got a phone call.
the Very Nice Guy who will help with Goat hoof trimming on going was on the phone to tell me he was outside my gate and wondering how it all was going, did i have a minute? well, what does one say??? ok. and the minute turned into 2 cups of tea and long. he IS very nice. and DOES do interesting things. but
am very nice too. and try to do interesting things. but ok and oh well. that left Goat stuff and Wood stuff. A day.
early this morning. Tea bags on wood stove.
is this the way it should go???? i don't know. do i want a MOON? i don't know. where are all the other scraps, like for the rest of the sky? or is this one piece enough to say SKY? i don't know. and then what is the MIDDLE? i have always envisioned Grasses. those would be stitched tho. here again, i am in a dilemma about covering the Tea Dye cloth. i always do that. i end up just love ing the Tea Dye and not wanting to cover it. i need to come to terms with that at some point.
But i DO love the thread tangle at the base of the Shelter. just threads. random...love them.