i notice her now and then, in the Movement of the day, going around Looking at things. Some of which she has looked at since she was born. In different places. Different homes. She remembers their "lives". This occurs silently. When there is something "new" to her, she'll ask about it and when i tell her, she smiles and kind of nods.
I've told this story somewhere here before, but it bears telling again. Her mother, my daughter, got pregnant with her when she was 15 years old. I am going to skip a lot of the parts of the story this time and just say that i was really really angry. I couldn't believe she had done that. She knew better and she knew how to avoid it. She chose to ignore things. Yes. in the way a 15 year old child does, but nonetheless. and there is a huge middle part to the story but i will jump to the day my daughter was in her choir class at her alternative high school. Choir was combined with Math there. They sang Math. Which daughter loved. She loved math and she loved Choir. She must have been maybe 3 months pregnant. The phone rang. It was her. Calling from school. The principals office. There had been difficult communication between us. She was calling, to tell me that on her lunch hour, she had gone to the local gas station/food store and among other things gotten a Fleer Bubblegum. They had fortunes written under the comic on the wrapper. She called to tell me that her fortune said, "You can have anything you want if you really want it". She went on to say that she had in the recent days become afraid. Afraid of being pregnant. What it meant. But that just now, she had been in Choir class and was singing and looking at her bubblegum wrapper, thinking how i wanted her to get an abortion. Singing Math and looking at a bubblegum fortune and suddenly, there was a ..........flicker. At first she didn't register. Kept on singing. Then, another flicker. And she knew. The baby was moving. Kicking. Reaching out, maybe. But Moving. And she called from the principals office to tell me that she wanted this baby. She wanted it.
So...this is Alyssia. She who i have known from the beginning, saw born. Lived with off and on. Watched go through a difficult adolescence, watched joining the Military in her senior year of highschool against everyone's good judgement. Watched create her own life, become a mother herself at 21, giving birth to Julian who i also watched be born in San Diego.
She drives across the United States of America to see Family. Here first, where she Looks. Touches. Quietly kind of nodding to the things. I watch and listen to her tell her son to fluff up the grasses that had gotten a little squashed..."Fix Old Nana's Grasses" she says. I listen to her in amazement as she tells me about one of the classes she has in college now....Enviornmental Science....how she knew about the No Till Farming, about the release of carbon dioxide or the storage of carbon. All the things i thought i couldn't talk about with her, she Knows. And we talked some, enough, because she Really Knows. And i think back a little while about how we talked a little here about Spirit and Soul. Am thinking about all this now, how i recognize her as Soul, how she recognizes me. How her son is recognized and recognizes. Souls. And she asked about this Cloth
what i was going to do with it. I said "nothing"....nothing, really. And she said could i finish it. That she would like it. So...ok. It was begun in JUNE of 2011. Went this far. Waited. So, now, I'll finish it. For her. Because she asked. in my mind it was about the sense of the god Thing, whatever that is.