a work away day, so nothing much except to bring more pieces. I know so little about this. I know that there is a merging of Human and Goat in the face, i know it is representative of the Feeling i have when i work OutSide with them, sit with them. When they come to me for Touch and companionship. I become a part of them. So i know this. I know that i'm not sure i can live without them anymore.
I seem to be knowing that i want scraps that to me are happiness. I vaguely imagine something like the pieces inside a Kaleidoscope, able to move and create design, but these are not intended for a design, but just fragment of colors and form. That's enough. That's all i seem to want.
So i am content to just sit and stare. To move these pieces around, watch how they interact. It absorbs me and for moments at a time, takes my mind away from all that is going on in the larger world.
And i talk to Daughter about
how we too move like pieces in a kaleidoscope, changing, moving, creating images, talking about the pieces of Land they will decide from...we call one of them the Mountain Lion . it backs into wild land...nothing to be seen beyond. There are marijuana farms around. What piece would that play in a kaleidoscope? She says people say they can't stand the smell. I think. I like the smell of marijuana, but i have never been around acres of it either. I think of bees. Bees pollinating those fat sticky buds. Or do they let them? Maybe they don't. I don't know. I think of going there. Taking Tay and Tazmeena the cat. Learning to live in a new place. A place more complex than this one i have known for so long. New trees. New plants. New lizards. New insects. New kind of living. With Children. It's been a long time.
spending more time....i feel Her to be the Magician of the Ordinary, the CommonPlace....
how Light penetrates Cloth, in a window. illuminating, transforming, [this, the work of Dana] creating magic.
Alyssia had her routine gynecological check up. Just as a precaution, they put in a spiffy new IUD. Just in case. she'd had to really work at conceiving Julian. But just in case. you never know.
and you don't.
She went off all "tuned up" to spend a weekend with her lover.
As i have said before, the women that we are in this family are not strangers to abortion. These have been intense weeks. But a Soul in its just going ness has found its way through and in the end of much deliberation will
We will welcome a new human being to this world, as it is, in this time.
the Magician. As i said yesterday...on the Dreamer Cloth, this magician came as if i drew Blind...just appeared out of the tip of the pen. No thought, no urge...just appeared of Her own accord.
Today i tried to capture that essence...on paper...and was and was not able. This, above is where i got. Which is good, but not there. But i found i need to stand back and let it go as it will. So this much was good for today. There is nothing specific about the original image, it is SO UNspecific, so vague, but there is a .....stance....an energy that i need to keep with me when the Cloth goes.
the first was good for this but the being was ummm, compact. not open enough, so i had to cut and add space. it worked. But still, something so subtle in the stance of the original, the Posture....i don't have that yet and Need it. Not that She will ever appear like this again, but i need to have that initial being. So tomorrow, i will try again. She will be a shape shifter so how she might appear here on out will be different, but i need to know the original Being as she chose to appear.
she dreams. I fixed the blip on her knee with turpentine and the stiff brush, now all is soft and in that dream world. She holds her flag....i don't know why, but she holds her flag. So she can find herself? or is it a banner, declaring where she is From?
and the Magician. Thread beads [ Jude Hill Spirit Cloth] fall gently around the Magician. Seeds of spirit from the Tree, once Alive then Dead but not dead
the oh so small figure of the Magician, drawn really, blind, just movement of a pen and there she was, so clearly a Magician, coming as a total surprise. So now, before sending to the Shop, i need to spend time with this image that came of its own accord. So i can KNOW her and let her take me forward.
this morning, out in the Way Back, on the fallen Russian Olive, a Flicker. I heard it's voice first and got up to look because i didn't recognize the sound, and there...Flicker with brilliant orange underwing Flicker that used to be my spirit bird in Michigan that i know has turquoise eyelids
how the OutSide here is a circle of Rooms, this place, my home at the center of the rooms, within this home are rooms.
how this Place, this blog, is a Room.
i sense the feeling that words cause...is it expansion? contraction? what do both Feel like?
this blog and what a heavy word that is, blog....but it's what it's called....this blog is a Room, as real as the other ones...the place where i come to sit at the end of the day with All of Us, me included. Us. Sometimes in silence, sometimes with an exchange of words. But it's a Real Room. I just spent some time thinking, feeling what it would be like to not come to this Room. Contraction.
i went around today visiting other people's Rooms, their Blogs and sat and felt what that was to be invited IN, no matter what was happening there, how Loving that is. Expand. I thought about how if anyone asked i would so much be FOR creating a blog, no matter What For, how it EXPANDS our worlds.
I went to Martine's Place and this was there, as if FOR me....
"the witchery of living
is my whole conversation
with you my darlings.
All i can tell you is what I know.
Look, and look again.
This world is not just a little thrill for the eyes.
It's more than bones.
It's more than the delicate wrist with its personal pulse.
It's more than the beating of a single heart.
It's giving until the giving feels like receiving.
You have a life - just imagine that!
You have this day, and maybe another, and maybe still another."
an accidental tweak but i like it a lot.
but that's where it's at. the branches. slow. single strand thread with effort at split back stitch. Slow.
found self looking around for something to photograph to provide relief and felt self reacting to that. Why? to have something "uplifting"? something pretty or interesting? same question, Why?
so i might take a blogging break. or, i might only post when i have something worth looking at. I didn't used to blog every day. i don't know. but the old unbuddhist stubborn part of me feels like refusing what seems to be disingenuous. to appear here on this blog as a different energy than the one who is living this life. can't do that.
so i don't know. will need to let IT decide.
Love to ALL of US, Love to the Water Protectors of Standing Rock, Love to this Earth, Love to Love.
the MARCH, i saw faces faces faces and i thought, That! is her....That is her and it WAS. It really WAS. All those women, they were HER, they were YOU, Cynthia....and this morning i see that this is SO.
"the word passed...there are too many of us to march....we have filled all the spaces....the march is this...we are here...we are the march....and the crowd settled."
ONE HEART, ONE WOMAN, ONE SISTER.
this is her sandwich board
on my Morning Wall. My Sisters. Family.
i did only what needed to be done...dumping and scrubbing the Bucks feed bowls mostly, emptied the wood ashes and inbetween, i just rested. Next two days are work away and i still am not my good self.
and i ~contemplated~ the word fits, while fading into and out of sleep on the futon couch, i would look across to see these, being Together