I don't know what it's like in your head. How things play out there for you. But here, in mine, i can tell you... it's easiest to describe in that transition time from sleep to common awareness. There is sleep and all that goes on in that dream world then the odd arising to semi conscious and then that split second of waking. That split second and then the next one or two are just CLEAR and then, if there is turmoil happening inside me for whatever reason, the TURMOIL takes form and fills my mind with it's Turmoil. and so i go, carrying that turmoil as an under current to the days. just as background, really, like white noise. Not interfering, just there.
this is how it's been for a while. and i have been working with it all and i know that my own particular Turmoil has to do with the Well Being of the Goats in their transport from New Mexico to the new world of California. I really need to find out exactly how many hours that will take. It would help....the FACT of that. as in, can it be a straight through drive? Or, will there need to be a stop. Straight through is easiest to think about. a stop would be complicated. Anyway....this is what is the Source of the Angst. Not my leaving here. Not what it all might unfold to being There. Those things are not anxiety provoking. They are Changes and i don't get tangled in them. It's those HOURS of TRANSPORT. That's it.
Seems easy enough, doesn't it. But it's FILLED with adrenaline.
So WHAT'S THE AMAZEMENT?????????????
last week i noticed that Ember is in a new place in town. Ember's Herb Shop. and i thought about how she has Bach Flower Remedies. And i thought about maybe it's a good time for that. But as i am, i just let that thought float. Like sometimes i think i might benefit from taking an aspirin. But then just don't. and stuff resolves of it's own accord. Yesterday, tho, i got the little yellow pamphlet off the shelf and as i do, read through all the Positive Potentials. This is how i choose a remedy. Not the description of the turmoil, but Positive Potentials. What do i WANT to achieve?????
Back to Red Chestnut
i read this yesterday and then again this morning. I went off to WORK Away and then into town and driving by Ember's Herb Shop, i didn't stop. I came back and stopped at the end of the road neighborhood mail box and in my box was a card from Michelle and in that was a few SEEDS of the Sweet Pea Bush....SWEET PEA! AND JUST THE THOUGHT, SWEET PEA, was so Wonderful and i came home here to take that 20 min nap that i do and i did and i woke and SUN was coming in to this home...like honey flowing...and i lie there in complete EASE. it
i noticed it's lasting. The intrusive anxiety was GONE. GONE. and i thought how
it's just Gone. and i though how if it is just GONE, then it can STAY GONE, or, if i need it, it can come back. But it is not a THING. it's a creation of my mind, a habitual response....NOT a THING that is REAL. And though i might have said, intellectually, all that, the reality was different.
But here, now, it's 6:18 pm and it's still GONE. Will it stay that way? Who knows. but it's amazing and it is so so Interesting.
Maybe Acey will weigh in here?????