So...there is a LOT going on. All around. In my own life and in the life of this America, the life of this planet Earth. So much and so filled with FEELINGS, all. I continue being startled at the increasingly painful mess that is unfolding across the country. I read the stories and i FEEL the stories so so personally. Feelings.
i live these days of such intense Change and feel the FEELings.
i go about Out Side and feel the feelings of the earth awakening, the season changing among the Goats, i notice suddenly how all of them have matured in the time we have been together.
and i am acutely aware that i am someone who has a lot of Feelings. There is no judging these feelings, as good feelings, bad feelings, they just are what they are. Some are about Beauty, some are of great love, some are a kind of angst. and I thought about how the truth is that i have been this way since i can remember. The first distinct image associated with this was when i was lying in my crib watching the dust motes in sunlight. So...how old might i have been? I don't know. But i can FEEL that moment still. it is very clear and acute, pure and uninformed, as in naive.
back to that term of Eugene Gendlin's....Felt Sense. Feeling. FeltSense.
so, looking at this in a more uhhhh, what?, more........well, more full way, i am at the same time looking at this scrap of cloth...a piece of Mexican Elderberry dye,
this mark....elicits a strong FeltSense
i put it here and stood looking, understanding i was seeing something important to me and trying to understand what that was. About how...just this. Just This. is so totally ENOUGH to me. How it doesn't need anything. How it is complete and excellent just As Is. and i looked closely at all the different marks and then, all of them together and i realized that cloth like this, with it's spontaneous response tells me a story of Feelings. Of how it might be that Air feels as it moves through leaves and grasses, of how microbes feel as they build their universes in the soil, how insects feel as they live their seasonal lives birth to death, how decay feels, how an emerging bud, a leaf tip, .......on and on and on
i understood a lot of things i'd never known how to understand. The cloth told me things i'd not known to look for or not known how to receive. Today, the cloth opened that.
i feel at peace with how it is that i Experience living. it's always been this way. it is my covenant in being born.
i accept the changing moment of Going toward and Into a place where this will bloom and play out in ways i never might have wished for but ways that will give more than i ever might have imagined.