this is one of the paths that can be taken. There are a couple. I can never decide because really, they still are hidden almost until you begin going. I like this one the best tho. It is from the top of C and goes pretty much directly down.
to this very large Rock. Which has no name yet. There is a tendency to call her the Grandmother Rock, but we don't, for no known reason. She is just Rock. Maybe the size of a Volkswagen beetle. Big. Just there, in one of the sunlit small meadows.
you can see the pine cone...it's atop the Mole's burial site. The pine cone is the size of a pinapple.
looking down from the Rock, the kids spinning swing that is at the edge of the forest and the big meadow of A. It's a great swing. about 4ft diameter, i can lay on my back and swing or spin, looking UP and into the trees. It takes you to a different Place.
some kind of death.
i took down the Magic Diaries Cloth, folded it Care FULL y and placed it in the Wall box which was once a toy box.
put back the long linen runner that holds all manner of things from cloth to paper to wire and stick
then, the day went along. And i thought about how it feels like some kind of death. I thought a lot of things and i read what was presented on the computer screen and wrote some things down so i can track it all as the days continue. But it still felt like some kind of death.
I thought about the months long conversation or years, maybe even, i'd shared with daughter about Things You Can't Undo. And this helped me.
Things You Can't Undo.
the things of human to human now, we can form. as of clay. Things of the planet, not so much and i look at that. Will keep looking at that. Some things we will not be able to undo. And here is the Grief. My grief.
so i'll work it out here, on the wall with Cloth and paper and pen. What died? Maybe the self that came of age in the 60's. What remains now?, the self that is coming of age now...in my 70's years? I think so.
Michelle gave the link yesterday. Maybe she will give it again for today. Maybe i can enlist Jude to set it in the side bar here? Leonard Cohen, Jikan. How gracefully he has excused himSelf.
Did I or didn't i...say anything about how last ?Friday, when the computer came, the new Vet from Magdalena also came? I don't remember and well...will just go from here. SHE came. New Vet. A Woman. She came to take blood from Sonny Ray and do a TB test on him. These things for Jan the Dog Trainer who will "use" Sonny Ray to breed her Nigerian/Saneen doe Nughat. Once Sunny's tests come back good, we will load him up and he will stay there till spring. This will give Gideon, his OLD father and yard mate a good break. I will bring back Flash, Jan's young wether from the Tenzen breeding, to keep company with the old Gideon through the winter.
Moving buck goats around.
It is no easy task, drawing blood from Goats. Goats, even Snowbunny, don't like being restrained. This new Vet, the Woman, had Ways....
when we were taking blood from the neck, one held the head, the second knee'd the Goat into the solid structure while gripping the flesh at the top of the hind leg tight. For the TB test that happens under the tail, in the soft flesh there, head held the same. Knee'd into the solid structure the same and tail held, arched over the back, firm.
She knows these things. but
she is fast and uh, well, in a hurry. For Snowbunny, she commented several times how she carries her tail down .....but maybe this was because she had just stuck her finger in her butt??????????????? She is not much on herbal remedies....gave me something to use two times a day. Ok...for Snowbunny, but, we'll see. And said it might be some kind of cancer. OK. that too.
After she left there was comotion out there. I'd put on a new collar for Snowbunny and everyone was noticing that in the first place and then when 2 other people showed up, one sticking their finger into Snowbunny and making her bleat, well....Everyone had thoughts they didn't understand so there was a lot of head butting
the Vet visit itself caused comotion. Mostly between Snowbunny and Ginger, but Ona came into the fray on behalf of her mother.
This is what i WISH Vets would be willing to know. But they aren't. Women or Men. They don't care.
another pouch, or pocket, whatever, but i want to make it, Lizard and Moon, for whatever
an abalone morning
In my other life, long ago, i was a Psych Tech at the University of Michigan. For 17 years. Where i learned how to be a Human Being. Then i taught myself to work with Spinal Cord Injured men. Did that...Art Therapy. Then i was part owner of a Book Store, while giving workshops on Creativity. Then i Ran Away to New Mexico where i did many things. Worked on an assembly line in a warehouse, did Home Care for Terminal people, worked at a Prison with Children and Families, worked for a woman who made Fairy Godmother dolls, did Landscape work, and HouseCleaning. All the while doing some form of personal Art. I wanted to become a Writer.
Today i went back to Peggy's house. I had quit Cleaning for her when i began getting Social Security. I quit most of my cleaning jobs. She was sad. Why? she wanted to know. Because i don't want to anymore, i said. I wanted to become even more Free. HouseCleaning, in New Mexico, is the most income for the least amount of time if you find the right "pool" of people to clean for. Here, where i ended up, that pool is, with the exception of the Old Cowboy, people who work at the college, New Mexico Mining and Technology. They are ALL, without exception, people from SomeWhere Else. All of them are couples with advanced degrees and interestingly enough, no children. All of them have animals. All of them hold their Place in great Love. Peggy is the mother of one of those couples, who i also cleaned for, from Boston. She has her own very excellent home that they built for her on their property when she moved here. Peggy was 90 this year. She and her son and daughter in law are disciples of Ishwar, a Living Master of the Sant Mat Tradition. For all the years i worked for her, she hoped that i would come to love Sant Mat. Come to love Ishwar. I didn't, but she loved me anyway. So, it's been some years since i cleaned her beautiful home and as i did again today, because she cannot find anyone, me agreeing to once a month, i had the opportunity to be aware of how i've changed in the last years. And it's true. i've softened. My edges have worn away. It was quite wonderful, really, to be there and experience her as 90 instead of 83 years old, to let her ask me off and on to do things she can no longer do, like empty the cat litter over the back fence. and when it was done, she fed me one of her just so Great squash qeusidillas and we sat together, noticing the Wind. She is a Gardner. Used to grow vegetables and take them to the Farmer's Market, selling out each time. She still Grows, but on such a small scale, for herself, to give. She wears beautiful earrings and great outfits of long skirts, T shirts and sweaters. Knee high socks and tennis shoes. She has had both knees replaced, one twice, and a hip replacement. She is pretty much deaf. She begins every single day with a two hour meditation. I took her half of the Paneer. She's a great cook. Vegan.
So What's this got to do with Anything???? Well, it has very much to do with this Cloth. LifeSpan.
How i am Living Here. With Goats. With an old cat and an old dog. With a NEW dog and sometimes feeling a little overwhelmed by the future of the Old Cowboy, but still, saying OK to Peggy. She says it's Karma. Nothing more and nothing less. And on that, i think i have to agree.
i heard this morning of the death of a much loved buck goat. A herd sire. It was unexpected and it was sudden. From a miscalculation on his part. and it has held me all day. It has held me in the great sorrow of his untimely death but it also has held me as Teaching. It helps me know that living with a herd requires a strong and open Heart. The willingness to well, live As the herd lives. One of Them.
His name is Hansel. And in his honor and in the honor of those who love him, i tied a cloth to the flag stick of the Raft.
finished and over in the shop. The moon is Deb Lacativa.
the little wisp of green, just an incidental snag from a Deb Lacativa. So small that it's almost nothing at all, but so wonderful because it made me think that that might be like what memory is made of.
that's it for today. Am going Out and going very very slowly through the end of day things. Very very slowly.
carrying the sky on H/ir back