windthread

typepad is stranger than fiction....we are into the third week of strange

click the photograph to orient correctly please.  

so,  here tonight,   the cursor will not begin at the left,  as is normal,  but on the right.   So as i type this,  the words are appearing going from right to left.   Backwards.     The temptation is to just shut it down and walk away. Quit.

But i want the moment above to Be Here.   Still.  As it was when Minnow Puppy and i walked over to this small clearing in the Forest  today.   It's the Old Cowboy's mother's aluminum lawn rocker from New Mex....and before that,  their family ranch in Colorado.  Her name was Flossie.  She was very frugal.    didn't ever  buy much, but did buy this from the Sears Catalog. 

on it is the shoe box with the Old Cowboy's teeth,  dentures,  eyeglasses and slippers.  a checkbook.  He liked using the word   Critical.   Stuff was referred to as Critical.  There's not a lot i really want to say about all this except for i sat there a long time in the sunlit cool September morning,  watching that slideshow in my mind  thinking about how things don't turn out how we imagine they will  sometimes.   They did for him.   He lived a long life,  well into his 80's.   He died at home.   Which toward the end was all he wanted....was Critical.    We did it.  I had given him my word.    I looked in the archives.   it was 9/29/2015.  No wonder.  so...we will go everyday now,  till that date this year,   Friday,  spend a little time.

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Equinox belated

click to rotate please

this was yesterday....Equinox,   its purity and perfection.    It chose to grow in the Garden.    I'd sat with it a long time.

early evening Alyssia came and spent long,  loading some application for photo storage,  something about Cloud, got only partially there and had to leave.   When i opened this laptop at the end of the day there was a black blank screen.   Nothing.  I did all the things someone can do to turn on.    Blank and black.    i walked away.  came back later,  etc.  repeat repeat.  Nothing.   Ok, i thought...it's i think 4 years old,  this chrome book,   maybe it's done.   and then....what is the message then for me?    Slept.  waking around 2am to try again....still.   Lay there, staring into the dark.     the same question....what is the message then for me?     Alyssia called this morning...to see how i was doing....we talked and i automatically flipped it open and there.....

there it was.   as usual.   Whatever it was,  was no longer.    so now...same question.   what is the message for me?

and here we are,   this evening,   this Flower   whose message is pure.   Flower says,   I am.     I grew.    i will be gone.   Sit with me now.   

journal

click to orient

Hesitated to put this here now....since i can't tweak the image and it appears  a washed out version of it's true color.     But it needs to be here.   Maybe someday i can fix it.

this is the woven medicine bag that Nancy,   Nancy Erisman   Pomegranatetrail.blogspot.com  made and  gifted me years ago.   In these last days,  close to the beginning of Windthread's crash,   she posted.  9~9~2023.   Go look and if you already have,  look again.   As i was deep in the midst of questioning the whole thing of blogging,   it carried me with it to a beauty full place in my heart.   I thought of the thing of Tikkun olam  We have talked about over time,   mending the world,  and i saw this post as kin to that but 

Tending       the world.

How this is what she does and has done for so lovingly long...she tends her world,   her small part of the planet like some Goddess.   i smile.   but,  really.   as i read it and looked and thought and felt ...several times,   i kept getting    a Movie...her,   Large....like Big....as big as the biggest trees,  or bigger.    moving along,  through,  slowly, slowly,    along/through the world she travels over and over.   Never tiring,  she places her feet so care  Full y   inbetween creeks and dry riverbeds  roads and telephone lines and tressels and gates and all manner of things people make.   She towers over all this  in her goddess form,   leaning gently over,  gazing down  Upon.   She says

"each moment is its own.   come travel with me,   Moment to Moment.   May you embrace everything,  really." .

 

the medicine bag has been packed away in the Evacuation vehicle.  Just there,  safe.   But i got it and brought it in.   I need it's medicine now.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

pomegranates and a Hare

click the pic to orient correctly.

the color is not right.  it's deeper,  more vivid.   part of what i used to be able to do....edit  light/dark.....not anymore.   but you can use your imagination.    I'd begun to worry  that they were not ripening normally,   but read that this is the time,  on into October.   All is still Well.

one of the many things i missed in the last days.    Early morning,   not yet 7 am and Sun is  just coming over the rise here at the top of the Hill...out the Morning window,   i suddenly saw 2 parallel verticle shafts of vibrant color,  the color of the most ripe pomegranate,   an orange/red...two vertical shafts maybe 16 "...18?   just        there.    and then,  they moved,  a rocking motion and i KNEW what i was seeing,  there was no doubt,   could be nothing else.....      Jack Rabbit.    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    i knew from  New Mexico,  how the rising sun  behind Them creates this unmistakable GLOW of their ears,    but never imagined here in Sierra Nevada Foothills????????     and almost as soon as i saw this,  it was gone.   So i did what we do,   googled  Jack Rabbit  Butte Cnty California and sure enough...yes.   Still not believing,  when time ticked by on the clock,  i called the Fish and Game #....Do we?   i asked....yes he said.     And then,   every day since then,  same time,  day break,   those EARS and here They are,   casually exploring,  crossing back and forth,  every day a little closer,  a little more Sure.  Minnow is not out yet,  still sleeps.   Only once was Rabbit still out by the back of Sunny Ray's forest and Minnow was ,out,  saw Them and ran at Them,  she doesn't bark,  but They have been undaunted....continuing to come.   This morning....here.   right out there,  under the  hammock swings, rising up on those incredibly LONG hind legs to sniff the swing

Why now?   this is going into the 6th year and never before.   Even down in the big meadow,  but i read that they only move at dawn and dusk, otherwise hunker down in underbrush being a high prey resource for so many other beings who live here.  Hawks Owls Fox Coyote Mountain lion .   and i read that they are not a rabbit,  but a Hare.   And watching,  holding my breath, because any slight movement from me and They vanish,   i understand without effort the symbolic place Hare has taken in the stories and mythologies of humankind.    Something about them is Otherworldly.     

 

 

 

 

 

E nough.

Click the pic as if to enlarge.                  i woke and watched the dawn.   thought about all the turmoil.    thought,   i refuse.   i refuse to live like this.   picked up the pencil.   First i layed the two sticks down,  the ones that crossed me out.   then  with them,  the thing that covered my mouth.  it went from there.  and as i drew the face,   i thought     I need to take myself in hand.    and here we have it.  I can't fix Typepad but i can fix my Self.    These are Beauty Full days Out There....there are things needing to be Told.   

thank you,  Every One,   for your Loving Kindness

so, for now.

click the pic as if to enlarge and it might turn upright.   Who knows.   

I have to let it go.

Alyssia has done everything she can think of.   only one more thing,  and that's happening "as we speak" .    She can check its progress from her home.   She left.   It had gotten dark and time for her to be herding kids to bed.   

There's Wordpress.    A while back,  during the last Event with typepad,   i opened an account with Wordpress.  It recognizes me.  I didn't go then because somehow,  Typepad fixed itsSelf   and i really like my space here...it's familiar.  It's home.   And i guess i believe in hope.   Hope that some how,   in  the same unexplainable way things have gone wrong,   things will all of a sudden go right again.   It's possible.   it's been 2 weeks,   not so long in the larger scheme of things,  right?    What i do know is i can't keep fooling with it...checking to see if there's a change.   I will need to just come here at the end of the days like i'm used to and if i can get a pic to load,   sideways,   then call it done.

What i also DO know is i've had ample time to see how it feels...to not be here.   To see if it  seems like it's  "time" to excuse mySelf.       I don't want to.        There' are           Things unfinished.   

                the pic.....one of the "exercises" from the Book.   She said...."how does it feel to be you right here and now"    pg.26      I am going really really slow.   I lingered.    this was  the 16th,   today is the 19th.   it's still how i feel  

 

 

 

 

test

double clic as if you want to enlarge.  See if it comes up correctly oriented

LATE Evening:   Alyssia came...did as Typepad Team suggested....signed in incognito,  ect.  ,  and nada.  It is not a corrupt cookie.   I reported this to Typepad.   So,  waiting again.  

there's so much i want to Journal here.   it's been a week.    the first time ever in many years and i feeeeeeeeeel it......i miss the Telling of the day

and maybe particularly because this is the tail end of the 77th year...important days   and i also miss very much the companionship of the sharing.   Without the daily Telling,   it is very solitary here.

the image above began as a single curved line.   As i read the Book,  i would continue to keep the pencil moving,  just moving. There was ZERO thought about what might come of that...no intention at all....   just marks next to marks  and at the end of the afternoon i had this.   Looking....Looking.....Looking and  finally realizing i was seeing the OWL that had come two nights in a row....a large owl.    Reading about BRAIN     the Thing of a Biological Brain,   and experiencing here how this Brain that is substance inside my skull had partnered with my hand

I absolutely LOVE all this

and then Mind came in.   Mind said things about Owl.   how they are more than themselves,  are the night,  the forest,  the whole of time,  of life and death,  are bird,  flight,  vision,  talon,  sound,  language,  secret,  weight,  impact,  sharp,  dense,  and on

i want to try to talk about it here.    The images sideways  are difficult...they feel so uncomfortable....even if we can click them right....i don't know what to do

 

 

 

 

well....it's day 5. this is as far as it goes, the image.....2pm...if you click to enlarge it appears corrected.

so it's 10 am,  Pacific time.   I'm going to tap publish.  see if this appears.   if so,  come back later with words.   Here goes......

11:30 am.    Ok.   got this far.    that  Image Proxy HTTP Unknown Image Proxy error  remains.   i cannot rotate the image.   I'll just wait for Typepad Help people,  let it go for now.  there's a whole world out there.

AND to say,  which was what i'd been looking forward to writing about.....   the BOOK is all that i'd hoped it might be.   Am going slow.   one page at a time,  stopping to absorb.   looking at how she chose to illustrate her thoughts...or her thoughts asked to be illustrated or something else,   but it's just Great.   

 

 

 

still

ok.    so,   the fourth day of being UnAble to load a photograph.    Nothing to do but wait.

release

i woke this morning and again....that sense of Lost,   of   flat~ness,   of  not knowing  how i can go.    i made the tea,  did the Usuals and it clung....the word was angst.    I googled it and it was wrong,   not what it means to me,   but what it meant to me was what i felt ,  so i stayed with it....Angst.     i worked through thngs and thought how Wendy had given the Thing of the 

Fertile Void

and how i  should 

Trust

Wait

and i went back to yesterday,   the Mantis.    Her still~ness,    sure~ness   and said

help!  in my mind,  and then aloud.....Help!

i read Jude's post and went back into that back room where all those bags of cloth reside,  where Minnow now sleeps among them,   and ran my hands through one but again,  knew that it's not time for cloth.   it just isn't.   There is no purpose there whatever that means....there is no purpose there    and drank another cup of tea and fed Goats and Minnow and Talkie and more cat food in Puppy's bowl on the table and listened to  the new bird that sounds like a rusted gate hinge and remembered how much i used to love magazines.   the FEEL of them,   their visual gratification,   even the smell of them,  print on paper,  their Weight....Magazines and i googled Art Magazines  and there was a horizontal line of images but as it happens in the morning the images popped down a line into

Drawing Thought     Andrea Kantrowitz    image of the book cover   and on it went,  reading,   YouTubes

"Drawing is a way of constructing ideas and observations as much as it is a means of expressing them.  When we are not ready or able to put our thoughts into words,  we can sometimes put them  down in arrangements of lines and marks.  Artists, designers,  architects and others draw to generate explore and test perceptions and mental models.  In Drawing Thought,  artist-educator Andrea Kantrowitz invites readers to use drawing to extend and reflect on their own thought processes. She interweaves illuminating hand-drawn images with text,  integrating recent findings in cognitive psychology and neuroscience with accounts of her own artistic and teaching practices."

......when we are not ready or able to put our thoughts into words......

maybe.   maybe this is a path.....from the Fertile Void......on.....into finding a way to give word to that sense of       Being Of.

there was     a feeling of     Realease.   was/IS.