it's the beginning of day four of the flower essense from Acey. it is called Joyous Warrior..did i already say that? i need to think more before i write more about that, but it, i most sincerely believe, has created an opening in a certain level of my beingness that had been closed down. and...this was nothing that Acey had been aware of when she made the gesture of offering this essense. it was nothing i really was fully aware of when i accepted and began. i should correct that. i was aware of this, but was willing to just agree to live that way...a kind of just letting it go, of surrender. and so now that is much in the mix, those concepts of letting go, surrender. but it's jumping way ahead to go there now. Now, there is this kind of thing going on:
i never organize my thoughts or words any more before sitting down here and just beginning to write whatever just happens to appear on the screen. i think maybe once in going on two years i have deleted. it just comes. there is a central thought and then free association as i wander through the day, but when i finally do sit down to type, what gets said gets said. that happened in SEW the other day when i posted a pic of what i'm doing and at some point, these words came out:
"just looking, beginning to see some kind of map backwards that can place me in the present, ready for what's next".
since writing those words, i have been more and more respectful of the truth of them and the truth telling of the way they simply Appeared. part of this, i think is the work of the Flowers but part is also the work of the cloth. the pieces of cloth. and in the instance of the cloth and cloth pieces, from watching them on the wall, from moving them, from putting pieces next to, near other pieces.
so...What If this large cloth DOES turn out to be some kind of cape. some kind of stitched cloth that i might wrap around me at certain times???? i really don't know yet. i won't know until Magic Diaries begins or maybe even goes along, continuing along for a while. but i do know that i am very absorbed by these pieces on the wall. this morning, when i sat down to begin watching them for the first time today, i immediately saw that i wanted to rearrange certain ones. and i did that. and they immediately began imagespeaking about an order of progression of things and Why that order might be, What that order might represent, and what usefullness it might have for a Cape of What's Next.
so, we'll see. everything might change, i am really aware of that. but my guess is, at this moment that the rearrangement seen here will remain pretty much or completely as it is in the pic. and to add now: the lizard cloth that Jude made, and sent me, now at the top of this order represents to me not just this particular cloth, not just a representation of Beasts Workshop, not at all a gift from Jude, but it represents ALL of what Spirit Cloth means to me, the "finding" of it, the receiving teaching from Jude, the inter-relatedness that has occured with the women in this cloth community, and finally and most WonderFull of all, the finding of a way to express things that i have been driven to express for my entire life.
ok. am going to print this. will read it later.
