i can't seem to go back wards some times because things keep moving forward and it's like a current in a fast moving river, or here, the flow downward in a wide arroyo of rushing water.
last night was the Storm of All Storms. maybe, really, the BEST storm i have experienced here in my 18, 21 or however many years? But it was Fine and i was filled with FEAR. but it was that kind of FEAR that very clearly makes you understand that there is NOTHING you can do in the face of it. There was circular Lightning and Thunder . All directions simultaneously and so ABOVE. it came in fast succession, the vertical strikes. The World Was LIT, completely ILLUMINATED by it. and somewhere after maybe a half hour as this continued, WATER FELL UPON US as if a huge crack had been opened in that thing we call sky and a literal OCEAN came down upon us.
Earlier in what appeared to be a quiet calm evening, Barbara, or Whimsey, whichever name, neither feeling like HER name, gave birth. What i believe to be the final kidding. and 2 bucks. The first was a breech but she labored him out, bless her, her mouth making a very odd and long almost tube like shape that she gasped into. she made sounds that i can't even attempt to describe. but he came. and as i ran to close off the inside of the Albatros for her private space for the first 24 hours, the second was born. Deb Lacativa will be glad. two very excellent black and white. the little girls came this morning. Snowshoe and Storm. and so. it is done now. and i cannot begin to even yet know how much a relief that is. All Born. All well.
Two and a half months ago, 12 goats arrived here. Today there are 26. TEN bucklings and 4 doelings. Ten bucks. here is my duhkha. ten bucks. if Jenny and i lived as most have lived herding goats through the centurys, those little bucks would have been JOY. they would be
meat
but here we are. 10 bucks to find homes for. As children's 4H projects or companion animals. at the least, weed eaters in a place that will treat them well. ALL of them COULD be potential herd sires. they are beautiful beings. but there is not time or space to entertain that now. Last Thursday, the day that inspired the post of Duhkha, we worked all day with a quiet and oh so GOOD momentum, daughter and i and at the end of it, i was so grateful for her. She does not claim any particular belief or source of sustainance but her abiding sense of non attachment is a miracle to me. We worked. We cut through aluminum walls with a sawsall, hammered and screwed and made do with what we had and banded four little bucks testicles...she banding, me holding and turning my face, my self away and we tried on Sonny Ray but his were too big and had to give it up and he ran and was afraid of me for the first time and the ordinarily peacefull BUCKS were inspired to chase him and make it all worse. and as i watched them, i remembered that passage in the John Blofeld book that i had read just after the book was published in the 70's and understood for the first time the buddhist concept of suffering.
and right now, the early evening SUN shines from near the Rim of the West and more storms are forcast for this night. they will scream again, those little ones, not knowing how to escape to safety. i cannot help them.
what does this have to do with Cloth? EVERYTHING.
