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the one that has been on the wall all this time...just the weaving and the scrap of wing.
What if i somewhere put one of the little faces, the eye scraps and what if i stitch somehow to connect them, like an arc of stitches, and what if these can represent Dreaming? whose dream? the Butterfly's? the Face's? maybe even the Cloth's?
What if these can be a series?
waiting till it is warm enough, till the fire catches hold. waiting till it is light out, a little at least enough to see the stitch of the wind and i just hold the cloth...it is so
soft, light
and again, i watch what happens when i hold it to the lamplight.
just journaling these moments this morning of almost winter
so, i began stitching a slight strand of Wind. near the bird. then, for whatever reason got caught up kantha-ing the entire piece of Sun. all day. finished about 4pm, put cloth on wall, and knew it wasn't at all right. took it down and REMOVED all the kantha. back up on wall and there, some how atop the pile of scraps in the basket below, ...WIND... . and this morning, i am looking, really wishing there was a way i could leave the thread strands loose, not stitched down at all, leave them Exactly like they are in this moment
i realized how many eyes i live amidst...these are just a few that watch me
Jude Hill
and when i was working to get to a face for this Grieving cloth, i just kept trying . and ended up with this little pile, which now go in the eye basket.
after all this, here is what it seems
after all of it. the fear, the grief, then anger, then grief again, what is left at the end of all that
is
where you were. Showing Up. Facing what you know. Loving the World. but, also, an understanding of the vulnerability of it. the Willingness to accept that as part of the Whole. ok.
Looking.
every thing is here i think. only one "black" bird, but representative of the possibility of a flight of black birds. or maybe none.
now what. What has changed since this?:
how can it be depicted? is it "formed" enough to be depicted yet? does it need to be? What if the "face" remained empty? What would that "say", and is it what has actually happened. ?. IS there a different face now, really? Where is the Grief? is it gone? or is it compost?, simply accepted, made room for in this time being? So many questions. Getting up from here and walking over to where it hangs on the wall, i think, the hair. just work on the hair, that is to me the connection to Wind, to stuff that Comes and Goes of It's Own Accord, shaping the world i live in, shaping me. OK, so the hair. ok.
listening to On Being the interview with Brene Brown on Vulnerability. stitching clump grass on the cloth, thinking about the Cairn, thinking about the Goats
how hard it is to just say NO to holidays . How hard it is to just say NO to so many things, and still be able to say YES to so much.
i understood something over in Spirit Diaries about my cloth making, about filters, personal symbols. i understood it in terms first of the latest cloth
how this division, some kind of horizon, rim, of Earth and then above Sky, with the figure standing, another division, Vertical amidst Horizontal. and suddenly this was connected to a longstanding symbol of ~cairns~
and what perfect timing. i knew i need to create a cairn. Solstice comes soon. This has been a challenging year and continues so. This cairn. yes.
so i began bringing stones from around and as i was picking up one from the Magdalena Mountains, as it happens, Something said STOP! i looked and there, so seemingly carelessly attached is a chrysalis.
and what is on the figure's head.....a butterfly.
so here we have it.
it's supposed to rain tomorrow but maybe there will be time and if not, then Thursday. It's been a long time since i've done something like this. Such a Long Story.
when i got home today from going for the Crow feathers at the Refuge, taking off the pics from the camera, i suddenly understood my world, my cloth. it's little wonder why it is how it is
this is the area of the prescribed burn that the children participated in yesterday.
a partial wing. breast feathers. a cloth of Jude's.
i want to work
but yesterday, when at the Refuge with the kids, we found something that left a mark of a life event. in the cleared area, at the water's edge, in the reeds and grasses, black feathers. coyote/crow or raven. the children were told not to touch these, so i couldn't either. but todayi need to go back.
