it's dark. it's quiet out there for the first time in hours and hours. how they have settled things i don't know. and there is an urge to go look, take the flashlight and look. but there's no point. there would be nothing i could do. it's cold. these days till Tuesday, according to accuweather are the coldest, then we begin the upswing. Till Tuesday. Cold. And just before i came in, i see that Just Going has a bloody head. this would be from being butted by Arctica, Buckwheat's sister. the only doe with horns. but it had congealed. ok. and did the does agree that all could sleep inside on the straw, out of the wind? i don't know. and Buckwheat, is he ok alone? and Just Going again...Lucky Star is her mother. she still nurses. how will this go? and the daughter. what is She thinking tonight? how does this world look inside her head right now? and then...there's me. who thinks too much. who wants everyone and everything to be ok and once again, oh once again, learning the lesson of just going. learning the lesson of not knowing anything at all, really, unless the choice would be to repeat each day in replication of the one before. and i've never been able to do that.
and yesterday, Kenny, the alfalfa grower who i get my feed from told me that it's "over". He has sold all his alfalfa to 2 cattle ranchers from Texas. semi trucks full. that today he would load the final bales. i buy 6 bales a week. that means 100 bales till first cut in May. he said he would count, and if he could, save me those 100 bales. he would let me know. no word yet.
i am restless. needed to add this.....
Mo's hope.
