ok. so MUCH. like very close to TOO much. but not.
and part of that is, oh, hey....the altar. where now rests the clipping from Gideon's hoof. What do i imagine about that? Do i expect something to...happen? What?, grace.....
No. i don't expect anything to happen. i don't "pray" that something will happen. i just put it there. like i put Barbara's scur that the vet clipped off. like i put the baby dove feather, like i put the apricot seed with insect work. what does it say, then. all this stuff. it just says, to me, that these are in a certain way Me too. that i choose to mingle mySelf into these things and want to be an active participant.
i thought a lot about the word Worship. and, like how some pull away at the word Altar, i pull away from the word Worship. and i thought about that a LOT this morning. Why?
and i think that for me, Worship is some kind of passive thing. where you give yourself ....to...something. where you give yourself to. as in giving yourself to Jesus.
Why?
and then i thought about how i am with Buddhism. how i LOVE prostrations. how i LOVE giving love in the form of those beautiful flowing cloths to the Lama...the teacher. how i love the butter candles, the flowers, the memorization of each detail of the image of a diety. What's the difference? good question.
i don't know. but one thing makes me feel really creepy and the other fills me with a sense of wellbeing and Joy.
????????????????????????????????
and just thoughts: but somehow, altars give me the sense of being in partnership with Spirit. and yes. Spirit is a good enough word. of trying to understand it all and being in Partnership with it. Taking responsibility.
so...all this thinking, all these words are wearing me to a frazzle. i need to quit and just stitch. and yes, i am going to stitch what are referred to as Altar Cloths. and i am going to take Michelle's words and hold them as i work.
"an altar cloth is a stage, or place, where something sacred happens or has happened, and an altar cloth acknowledges that "Something". Michelle of NYC Thank You Michelle.
and when i went out today to do the other part of my life, we might call it the real part, .....i kept the sense of acknowledging that Something. i held that in my thoughts. Who Knows?...really. Can you say you do? I cannot. I do not know. so....in that not knowing, Anything at All is POSSIBLE.
before First Light. sitting in the Morning Chair i notice this scrap on the floor.
and in the dark i set it on Saskia's Air Tree that sits on the Morning Sewing table. This, could be an altar as well as anything else
the neighbor irrigated his fields. the SEA Gulls came...swirling, spinning, speaking, overhead.
Patricia!!!!!!!!!!! what am i seeing??????????????
We....Sydney and her daughter Talula came...We brought Gideon out to the Milk Stand. lured him with old alfalfa and even more goat pellets to get on it. ordinarily, he would have just hopped on. but with his leg, he was hesitant. but he did. i spoke to him with his "love name"...Dido...phonetically, deedo...with long o. i USED the trimmer tool and was amazed that it went easily through the hoof. how i had dreaded this. and how amazing. there was nothing at all to dread. i had put the milkstand out in the middle, where All the Goats could witness. and they did. they were quietly mesmerized. even Buckwheat. just watching. intent. quiet. and we brushed Gideon. scratched all his old man scabby areas. nothing to dread. nothing to be afraid i can't do. so...on the altar, his hoof trimming. to remind me of this day. of what all it means to me.
So, Patricia, formerly known as Follows, i need you to tell me what you see. i could not pick up any of his other legs. he cannot bear weight on this left front leg. i don't know what to do about that. and really, it seems to be his knee. he cannot bend his knee.
and here, in sympathy with Saskia's Post is my Message Post that Louie put for me so i would know i wasn't lost. Go to Tales of the Birdhut. Saskia's blog for that story.
