it's been coming on for quite a while. but Saskia's comment on yesterday's post somehow set it in motion, gave it enough form to begin.
I am going to devote this year to Science. Big Science, like Laurie Anderson knows. DEVOTE this year...these up and coming 362 give or take days (its already March 3rd) till the First of March, 2014 to RESEARCH. i will record here. This morning, as i thought about Saskia's comment, about what it WAS i was saying on yesterday's post, i was stitching more kantha on the robe. and all the while glancing at the little form i'd stitched to it almost in the very beginning...considering covering the entire checkerboard part because i don't really like checkerboard....but then, Jennifer who only writes in email had called my attention to the issue of Grid. and commenting to her that grids bother me, i'd been wondering Why i say that? Do they really?
so...stitching and glancing at the odd little form, i suddenly re-threaded and stitched the form. the light wasn't good and i've broken my best reading glasses and am using a pair that feels like neither lense matches the other. but that may have worked in my behalf this morning because i just stitched mindlessly. and as i went, i saw that what was taking shape is the Wonder Bird.
stitched while wearing robe..on my knee.
where it is on the robe
and somehow this WonderBird will be the emblem for this year of scientific research. s(he) began as a plain rectangle of yard dye cloth upon which a scrap of Deb Lacativa was added. that was a few days ago. Then yesterday, in passing, i added the little blue diamond scrap. because it was on the floor and i thought, Why Not?. And then this morning, i wanted to add some stitches that flew out and as i did, i saw WonderBird for the first time. Not just a shape, but some kind of odd little flat faced bird. and i thought, stitching, then...this is the Wonder Robe.
So...the above is the first example of the kinds of things i will research here. EVERYTHING will come into Question. I want to know why i somehow have always believed that there is REASON and GOOD PURPOSE available to a human life if that human chooses to pursue them. the question is: IS THIS TRUE?
i go pretty regularly through periods of what might be called Existential Despair. This related to why i am not able to find some way to really give something of value, a worthwile contribution to life on this planet that actually makes a Difference. but though it's Existential, it's never really despair, but maybe more Ennui. once in Oregon, a psychic who i was consulting began the session with the question "So what's with the ennui?" that's the first time i'd heard that word used.
So..back to the Research. The question is whether or not there is really any Meaning. And if so, How can i Tell? I will not ask WHAT the Meaning is, because that is unknowable. Just if i truly believe there is. and again...importantly, How can i Tell? How can one woman Tell?
I like this.
So i will be looking around at what's already at hand. Asking the question: what IS it that keeps me endlessly firm in a belief that there's "something more to it all". and that, if it does prove to be true, then that there is Reason to align self with the "higher vibration" for lack of a better term in the moment. That there is Purpose in it. For the Good of some Larger Whole.
I am going to need to refine my protocol but am going to use as a tool Eugene T. Gendlin's concept of Felt Sense as described in his book Focusing that i first read when it came out in 1978. Felt Sense is when things do not have words or even form, but when there is Rightness felt in the gut. a kind of emotional exhale, release, a moment of no question, centerdness. that's not a quote, but if you want his words for it, you can get the book.
So..here we go. Everyday for a year of days. and already, WonderBird has become more.
