windthread

So

i see that Dog is a night person.  a Moon dog.  ok.    Good information.  Not that it will make it any easier,  but at least we know.     A little more understanding.   So.  ok.   We go from here.

 

Saw the scab as wings.   Drew in the rest...Crow.  Now a crow on my hand.   This will help.

 

.

many small things.   many.  and some,  a River.   There needed to be water for her.   and then,  a rim of trees.  There needed to be trees for her.  Ok.  and then what?   i look at this cloth differently.  Originally,  it was from me.   But now it is Her too,  the Granddaughter.  What needs to change,  to adjust,  from just me to her?   So, all day i think of this.   All day i put things,  take them away,  put them,  take them away,  though some stay.  but most are taken away.  

And then... the Black and White square.   the Black and White image that i have used so long now...way back into the fiber figure days the Black and White which to me means all that is Unknowable but somehow trying to be known.   How the Mystery presents to humankind,...it's Whole Self and trying to speak to us.    Some times like this,  sometimes like black and white stripes on a line

but here this,  and i ask Jude,  because for me it is so much her now,  i ask her and she says...ok.  So, ok.  Here we are on this night of July 12, 2o14.   a strong and Big black and white night.  ok.

the next day, rerun, except for the dog

Day before Full Moon.   Oh, Give me, Full Moon...let it come on.  i am worn out.

 

the tedious work of the Cilantro seeds, but done.  Enough for maybe a half a year.  Plant more.

 

look at this hand.  scabs.  wrinkles.  skin...dried out from sun, thin, easy to tear.  Old skin.

 

maybe i should just read.  Maybe i am old enough to just read now?  Nice thought...but...stuff needs to be done.

 

done.  Everything that wanted to be said here has been said.  Done.

 

 

and maybe i'll just work this for the Granddaughter because she Wants it.  Asked for it.  OK.

 

 

someone got Rain.  Here,  just the comotion.  Just the drama.  Just the display.  But...no Rain.  Someone did, tho...someone to the East did get rain.  you could see it.  They did.

 

and as i gave water,  i understood some about why i make cloth.  I make it because it helps me.  Eases me.  Gives me a picture of what i am doing in this life.  and i went back...looking for where i wrote it down and found it...Wikipedia...

"Collectively, Americans discard two quadrillian pounds of used clothing and textiles into the landfills each year".

almost all the cloth that i  use is of this two quadrillian pounds.  Junk.  Garbage.  Trash.  and...it eases me.  gives me a deep sense of satisfaction even in hard times.  it does.  yup.  it does.

now, out to the Goats.

 

 

 

restless as in....~R E S T L E S S~ then...remembering about IONS

couldn't understand it, really.  It's been this way for a while,  but today seemed so intense.   Tried to get quiet enough to see if i could understand what it IS,  but couldn't.   So...just going.  Just Going about the doings of the day with this Pervasive Sense of Restlessness.....Big.   Tried to sit down and Write,  as in pen to paper, thinking maybe it would show itself, but couldn't sit long enough.  so  i did what i often do to distract self,  in dog terms, to Redirect self and i cooked.  All kinds of stuff.  I have enough cooked for a week.   But still....restless.

When talking with Granddaughter who will be 26yrs this month,  she is interested in Many Things suddenly and Astrology is one.  So...that in mind i thought maybe it's some kind of tangle in the Cosmos?  Maybe.  and if i could talk with my old friend HoneyDove,  she could consult her big fat astrological volumes and tell me but i don't know where she is anymore...so i am here, floating restlessly on a thread, a fiber,  an umbilical of a sort,  just floating floating......uncomfortably....

but then,  while giving Water,  that old Rolodex in my mind flipped up      IONS.  Everything i have ever heard, ever read, ever seen, ever imagined is in that Rolodex.   Small index card like entries.  It's all there.  Reference.  

For about a week now,  the winds rise and storm clouds scud from the South West to that Rim over there.  LOTS of Thunder...even visible lightning strikes in the distance...lots of drama...but except for that one Good Rain...nothing.   But it is as if there is a HOT BREATH breathing into this world here, breathing into our nostrils, lungs, selves.   So i google Ions effect on humans and ta Da...

"the negative ions make us feel good.  The positive make us feel bad.

If the positive ions occur naturally in sufficient numbers, for instance during the onset of the commonly known hot and dry desert winds, the winds cause depression, nausea,  insomnia, irritability,  migrane, lassitude and also affect the normal function of the thyroid glands.  Biochemically speaking, the body becomes exhausted and this can lead to accidents, violent crime and suicides.  These can be counteracted with the beneficial negative ions.  "

Negative Ion Report:  the CBS Nightly News  Feb 14, 1995

looked up lassitude:  a condition of wearyness or debility, listlessness, languor.  So...

in me,  it is a restlessness.  but yes,  with a wearyness.  OK.  now that i know...it has lifted.  with the knowing and also with showering the tree leaves when Giving Water...so that a mist falls from them down,  on me,  on this earth.  OK.  Ions.

 

and FINALLY....the first of the Yellow Hots.  here they are called Wedos...meaning "blondie", in mexican spanish.  I was always (and maybe still am) referred to as a Weda...light,  light skin, light hair...and in me, blue eyed.  It 's slang.  Wedo...a yellow hot pepper.  They are the best.  Just the best.  Sautee them and then eat them with anything and everything.  

And Dogs...well,  to day was really just a totally OK day.  A real SHIFT from all before.  and i think i have found that if i put my index and middle finger on her "third eye",  it means something.  it shifts something.  Maybe not.  but i'll find out.   But today we were GOOD.  all of us.  Not without our small comotions,  but we were, really,  Good Enough.

 

 

 

 

 

a Good Day, a really, very Good Day

counting a LOT on any help,  All help.    To be calm.   To be quiet, inside.   To breathe and let breathe.

 

to let what Can Happen,  Happen.   To stand aside and just Let it.

 

after a Thorough Investigation.

 

some very small things...but very significant things.....a third crow.   stitches through SUN.... other things, here and there...how much is good?  how much is unnecessary?  Thinking.

the Way Back Insurrection of Goats into Oasis continued.  Off and on,  all day.  Till finally, i just stood at the door and watched.  After a while,  i saw it.  Who could have ever guessed that a fat Goat could squeeze cheerfully through a really small hole in the fence,  but ....YUP.  and so i wove it closed with baling wire.  Not how i had imagined i would, like Pretty and Orderly,  but messy and just enough to close the space.......maybe there will be a day when i can make it Pretty.  But for now,  it's just OK.

 

that ~pause~ time of day

right before it tips toward dusk,  SUN poised,  it seems, waiting....and anyminute will tip.  So to put this here and maybe more pics later, we'll see.

First,  i bought a Stove today.  I have never bought a stove before.  Ever.  There were stoves included in everyplace i've lived.  Even the HOUSE in Ann Arbor.  a stove there, already.   Back a while ago i moved the beloved old Dixie stove from the Airstream into this house because my son was coming for thanksgiving and i wanted to cook a turkey.  So pulled out the old stove that came with this Metal House and didn't have any sense of temperature...pulled it out and put in the Dixie from the old Airstream.  Oven worked "better".  and since....one side of the top 4 burners wasn't working and Bill, Alz. B's son,  was checking it out and subsequently broke the "tubes".  That was i guess 2 years ago?   So that left me with the two right side burners.  OK.   But then, when the kids were recently here,  the one "good" front burner i guess got stripped, the knob.  Sometimes you can't turn it off....and  well........so there was a stove,  an apartment sized stove,  on sale.  Done deal.  The best part is that it's BLACK.  ahhhh.  Black appliance.  Love Black Appliances.  And i figured that this is the time that i will have the Most Money Ever....with the Alz. B. care money.  Once that's over,  things will become very very thin.  So if there is a time to buy a stove, it would be now.  What pushed me over the edge is that canning season is coming.   The old Dixie couldn't do it.  Need to can the tomatoes.  so...I sigh and fill in the credit card info.  This is Good.

 

Mornings continue to be a Nightmare.   The energy level at 6 a.m. is HUGE.   She is Right Here... Intense! and i am the total Focus.  so...6 am to about 7:30 am.  The time that i am most uhhh, barely here...the time that i have needed so much.  But it's how it is.  

 

 

she is EverPresent.  No more than a foot away,  or a few.   It's claustrophobic for me.  For her,  something totally different.  So we just try.

 

for Her and Chinche,  well,  knock on wood,  it seems to have reached it's level.  No big deal.   Chinche has remembered,  through Tay,  a lot of dog things she had needed to forget.  She spends more time outside now.  Barks at disturbances outside the gate.  Seems to have found some new level of energy.  Tay is easier on her...lots of times,  just touch...nose to ear,  mouth to body.  But just touch.  not hard.  Touch.

 

"Toy",  the stuffed rabbit,  took the brunt of it today.  A HOT day with a STORM and so HOT and HUMID and we all breathed through,  but mid day,  Toy's stuffing got removed.   Dear Toy.

 

 

small stitches and CROWS came.  Amidst all the rest.   today for whatever signal that was given,  Onday ended up yelling from INSIDE the fenced in Oasis in the back...standing there YELLING, staring at the door from which i come Out,  Yelling and i went out and opened the little fake gate, calling her and she came.  But then just hours later,  more YELLING and it was her daughter Mercy, this time...YELLING exactly the same from inside the Oasis fence...YELLING and i got her out too....oh EEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee......oh Jeez.   But somehow the craziness of it all is balancing me.  the Sensitive Chaos.  it is balancing me and today it seems more ok.  Last night,

just at dark,  i spent a long time outside watching Tay as she cruised.   She likes night.  This is the first time she has experienced running her , HER, peripheries at night.  She is fluid.  like Mercury...viscous and flowing...a Run of a being.   If i can i'll get some pics of that tonight.  Maybe.

There is a sense that we are going to be OK.  

 

TheM:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lucky Star in her most excellent and BeautyFull Goatness of simple Goat,  part of Everything,  Beautiful elegant excellent Lucky Star just one of Them....oh...just One of Them....

 

 

 

They wait.  They wait for me.  Knowing of the busyness and so they wait.  But when i come,  they are so so full of Giving. 

 

i ordered a Boomer Ball.

 

 for dogs with Excessive Energy.   watching,  i think she may Not have excessive energy,  other than the energy to Connect.  She thinks the ball is Interesting,  but no more than a weed or a stick.

 

 

her Hide Out.  in the Salt Cedar/Mexican Feather Grass

 

from the compost.  a withered turnip that i forgot.  brought to the porch.

 

 

 

 

easier

the Observer sees that the woman who lives here has worn very certain paths in the Place.  These  marks of her footpalms are maps of a life that she has created for her Ease.  That Ease includes a kind of drift where she moves without thinking.   and the Observer sees that this has been disrupted by the dog.    The dog moves more like a bird...fast,  overland,  fast.   The woman continues to move according to her patterns and the dog weaves all around her...in out over through back and forth round and round.  

 

at work today,  i deadheaded these from a plant by her garden.  Bundled them.  We'll see.  They are similar to Echinacia  sp  but are not.  

 

had woven this little cloth as a way to feel like i could participate in Jude Hill's  Considering Weave at the mothership Spirit Cloth.   Truthfully,  i thought i would eventually just take it apart and use the pieces elsewhere.  But it's been on the wall.  and Especially because it is perfect on the plant dyed cloth that i couldn't imagine ever possibly Using,  because of it's Beauty,....but here...the little just trying weave fits so well...so i added some things.

 

i particularly like this thin strip under the spirit eyes.   Makes a big difference.

 

 

 

 

 

a day Off

am finding Words tricky lately.  Finding sometimes i don't have much patience with Words.  They can mean so many things to so many people.    Including of course, my Self.

So i took a day off.   Other than go  visit Alz. B,  i did,   Not Much of anything at all except feed self, feed Goats, feed dogs and cat.  Give Water.

And i did something that i have done, now and then,  which is to take my self Out of my self and appear in my life as an Observer.   I imagine that i am the Observer.  I showed up at the gate,  outside it,  and came in.   The woman who lives here  (me) knew ahead of time that she was supposed to just go about her day.  Knew she was being observed,  but still,  to just go about her day as she ordinarily would.    The Point,  the point is to try to find some objective sense of what's going on here.   Because sometimes,  she   (I)  is  (am) so engrossed,  there is almost some kind of disconnect.   and again,   words are not so much my Friend right now.   so to try to clarify what i might want to mean by ....disconnect....,  well.  it would take too many words.   I don't have the energy or, really,  the interest to try.    

So,  i watched her.   How she goes.  How she is so focused on the Place.  The inhabitants of the Place.  She Goes.  going going going.   What does it all Mean?,  all this going?

So am thinking i need more time to Observe.  ok.  

 

 the Verdolaga is popping up Everywhere.   A plant person that is said to be a weed plant,  but that has more nutritional value than pretty much anything we might buy in a store.   It's other name is Purselane.  Google it.  Lots there to read and my guess is that pretty much all of us might have this growing all around.  It's FOOD.  Very Good FOOD.

 

the Borage has begun to bloom.

to thine own self be true

back to the Dog Diaries.   It's all somehow just a single elongated moment that stretched from sometime  Wednesday on......and i have no clear thinking of at what point things happened,  changed.   It 's kind of a blur.   I think i tried to be diligent with the suggestion of the dog trainer  through Wednesday and on into sometime Thursday.   And the level of tension here Rose.   At some point,  i think Thursday, during the night,  when i woke at maybe 2 or 3,  i understood clearly that i could not do that.  couldn't.  it was so out of my own sense of Anything,  that to try would be the biggest dis service to All.   That, coupled with other things made me come to  the point of  needing to return Tay.    So, in the meantime, in the middle of the night i watched Cesar Millan on UTube.  Episode after Episode.  It was interesting because there are a lot of dog sounds in those videos,  but both Tay and Chinche slept.  I watched.   And from whenever it was,  i just was me.  This is such a small home,  Tay and Chinche are not far from me at any given moment.  And OutSide,  i found it easy to distract Tay all the time by my own necessary movements, with the Goats,  the Giving Water.  Just NORMAL everyday things.   It RELAXED.    Everything, Everyone relaxed.   Stuff began to flow.  Today has been a Good day.   A day of attention,  but a day of attention that made sense to everyone.   So...we'll see.   I'll keep trying.  Watching.  Thinking.  With always the openness to the reality that this might not be the place for Tay.   I accept that totally.

 

Tay sleeps in her crate.   When i let her out of it this morning at day break,  she picked up her "toy" ratty chewed up pink rabbit and went directly to Chinche who slept just feet away on her quilt....

dropped it there and went on with her morning.   This said a lot.  This was something that she should have been corrected for.   So...i watch.  closely.  Trying to see what can happen.

 

a RAINBOW!   a Morning Rainbow...with no Rain...and to the West Rim!!!!!!   I have never seen this before.

 

took it off the box loom.   Just some very small invisible baste,  to its Self and to that piece of cloth that Marti and i dyed.   How good it is.  Simple.  Nothing much at all,  but the Feeling of it is Huge.

 

the first jar of Coriander.  Aeromatic s.p ............put one seed in your mouth and the World Opens.

 

 

i wondered how the kantha would change this one....the choice of thread... i think it's ok.  Will look again tomorrow and if not,  take it all out and try again.

Quieting amidst the "celebration"

4th of July,  Independance Day is my Least Favorite Amerikan Holiday.   We cling.  cling to a very primitive form of celebration....making huge noise, cracks and crashes...clinging to this as the way  to express Freedom.  How odd.  

 

made a little box loom in keeping with Considering Weave,  Jude Hill,  Spirit Cloth.  Remembering how soft they are,  these scrap weaves,  but also how they told me that i could make Anything at all i might ever NEED with just scraps...just shreds of old used cloth.  How Exhilarated i felt,  realizing this.  That there really could never be a worry.  Everything is at hand.  Hand can Make.  All is well and will be well as Hildegaard de Bingen said.   I like very much how the light comes through.

 

out with dog Tay and notice movement which at first set an alarm.   Something similar to those Ants that bite me and make my body part swell to many times it's normal size,  but...this...different so i squat down and watch.  You will need to double click to see it,  this being.  Busy.  busy excavating it's home.  Sand grain by sand grain.  I don't have a clue what it is.  But it is diligently creating it's space....THIS, after the first of the Real Monsoon Storms last night.  Long,  the rain,  Long and Steady.  How it must come if things Wild are to survive.  Not fast and hard.....that runs off and is of little use in the Big Picture.  But last night was Big Picture rain.  More predicted for tonight.    Will soften things.  and soon,  if it continues,  the Spade Foot Toads will RISE UP and fulfill their covenant with this Earth.    am excited.   maybe soon, if all goes well.

 

a very short dog story

this morning...going to get a drink,  from the glass house bowl,  there was a cricket floating.   She  studied this for a few seconds,  this cricket floating,  then very Care full y  bared her teeth and lifted the cricket from the water....set it on the floor...and watched with interest as it dragged it's very water logged self under the stove.  She then got a long and very sloppy drink.

Alz B,  Music Thursday.  Her son is vacationing in Maine.

 

not a lot, but more.