windthread

took a day off

 

 

 

spent it beginning this morning with just simple pleasures.  This fork,  from the Old Cowboy's drawer....front, side, back,  then dog admiring bone handle.   Someone MADE this fork.  Like MADE it.  Spent a lot of time looking and thinking about this.

Middle of day just day dreaming.   Remembering night dreaming,  wandering some the internet for anything of note.  Wandering.  A nap.

 

old big walnut vat

 

smaller cast iron walnut vat.   Have NEW walnuts.  do i ADD them?  Make NEW ?   If i make NEW, what then should i do with the OLD?   Decisions.

 

and here they are as they have been since spring.    WHERE did the time go?   Jan points out that in ancient chinese tradition there are 5 seasons.  Summer and then late summer and i can see,  in this moment here that this is true.  Not 4 seasons, but 5.    Something Happened to the Spring and Summer....something startling...they got gone!...fast and  just a moment ago, it was spring and here we are at the second summer.....    Breath In  Breath Out.

 

and Tay,  just when i've been talking about her,  had a really GOOD day.  She was bizzy.  She unearthed so many bone things buried,  would bring them,  all decomposed however that is they get and all muddy and i would wash them off in the outside bucket for her and she would go off to her bizzyness.

 

 

she made two new nest places

 

here she IS.   She has the amber colored nyla bone that friend Cindy, the nurse at the Old Fo lks Home gave her as a homecoming gift when she first arrived here.  How long has that been????i  really don't know....will need to look back...but it disappeared that day and has been GONE until today when everything is being excavated.

 

 

 

 

 

only one day left

walking past the door this morning i "registered" something out of the corner of my eye.  It's happened...the angle of the light as SUN moves us into day...this is not Summer angle,  this is Fall.  It's happening.  

 

Somehow,  it just didn't click...the date, yesterday when i thought to wait a while to finish.  When i saw that SUNlight this morning tho,  i knew.  So i finished August today.  Done.  Tomorrow i'll stitch the sleeve and give  a stick to hang.  Done.  Finito.  August.

Just after that,  i happened to see an important moment out There....There was Tay standing with the hose in her mouth.   So again....NO!!!!!!!,  loud and she dropped it.  

i hurried to put on some clothes and just as i got out there,  there she was.

 

this is one of her favorite sticks.    It was Placed.   Her stick on My hose.   Do you see what i mean?, about her ability to find ways to communicate?   Through out the day,   even tho i had used this particular hose just after this pic,  different sticks and the antler were laid on the hose.   So, it wasn't even just in that moment.  She  kept on  thinking about it.  

 

and tho there is only One,  it is a Perfect One.   see the Bee

and usually almost as soon as there is a flower,  grasshoppers begin to demolish the leaves.  This year not.   Why?   You would think,  with so much rain,  so much "opportunity" there would be a huge grasshopper population, but no.  Some.  really,  a Few compared to other times.   So much remains a Mystery....

 

The second planting of cucumbers that had begun so  beautifully, so robust and grand....Last week their stem became like this...bones...and there were a few of those Squash Beetles cheerfully mating.  I gave up.   Quit watering.   Let them GO.

 

But this morning when i went by to "pay my respects"....EEEEEEEEEEE!  there, that small but sincere bloom????????????!!!!!!!!!!!   i checked everywhere,  under the remaining chewed up leaves and not a sign of Squash Bugs,  NO eggs on the underside of the chewed up leaves.  Nada.  So i watered well,  singing something,  some unintelligable wordsounds.  Who knows.  There's still time.

 

 

 

Easier, softer, quieter

After all the words this morning,  i just took some time to Sit and just look at this View of the space here.  The Wall.   And let it Ground me.   This is a Wall within this small home where i look at things made of cloth.  Things made of cloth.   And i felt quiet.

 

This is where that poetry came from.   There are 461 kinds of grasses in New Mexico.  This book details each.

 

Spent most of the day on this.  The colors are not exactly true,  close,  but i had to tweak a little to get the Grass seeding stems to show up.   It's good.  And this is a point of deciding What Else and Where?  so....

 

I'll take a little break and applique on these fish that are from a shirt i scored at the Thrift Shop.  These are size 12 mos. cargo pants.   I smile as i type that.  12 mos cargo pants.   Funny.   For my son's daughter, Giana Lily Alluvial Fan,  who will have her first birthday in September.  This is her present.  Son's wife dresses her all girly girly which is very sweet and tender but she is the daughter of an Avid and Devoted Fly Fisher Man.   He intends that she will learn to fly fish.  Someday i will make her a fishing vest with all those magical pockets that Fly Fishing requires.  But for now, on her First birthday,  this is really just a symbolic gift.  She'll probably never wear them.  But Heather keeps stuff.  So somewhere, when she is 16 or 15 or 17 she'll come across them and know a little of her old Gramz.

Profusion

Maybe it was that the 3 women who usually play and sing on Music Thursday weren't there... Shirley who plays mandolin and sings old celtic and Appalachian melodies,  always straining a little and breathless a little (she wears a nasal canula often, not all the time),  Beth who is a BeeKeeper and has hair like Judes and plays guitar/bass and tambourine,  then Mary who plays the ....Slinkey.....yes, a slinkey that she holds in both hands and has learned to do tricks with...pretty amazing, really, and she also is a modest back up dancer to it all.  Anyway, they weren't there so somehow that caused  us in the audience  to feel like we could sing  along Loud...usually we tone down.   So there was me and Alz. B and two other ladies singing.  kinda loud  and i watched two of the gentlemen residents softly mouthing some of the words...no sound coming out,  but they knew the words and  i guess because they were missing half of themselves,  the 3 guys played some of the usual songs but one of them who is relatively new to the group did  Crosby  Stills Nash and Young and the other guy who reminds me of my son did some Johnny Cash and Als B was in the mood so we "danced"  in the way she and i do .....we are sitting next to eachother,  her in her oversized wheelchair thingy, me on a diningroom chair  holding hands, all four and rising and falling and swaying our arms  as we dance in our minds and sometimes i'll say   Spin me, Betty!  and we'll let go one hand and i'll lift  one of hers and mine up over my head in a circular motion and yesterday that made her laugh twice.

So it began that way and when i got back home,  SUN was just doing something that only happens in August and EVERYTHING was standing out from EVERYTHING ELSE and yet there was such UNISON of BEINGNESS.  and Tay was FLYING.  Sometimes she does that,  she runs  at high speed,  i can say in figure eights,  but not really,  figure somethings,  a pattern that she knows well and can accomplish deftly at very high speed and this includes sailing high over wood pile and clump grasses that are right now around 4 ft tall and into the Albatros and out,  all the while carrying her elk antler that is about 2 1/2 ft long and i realized that i really wasn't watching her directly,  but that she has somehow come to just blend in to the whole scene out there and this made me realize too that she really hasn't changed her behaviors a Whole lot from the craziness of the beginning, but rather it's that i have just gotten used to her and they no longer surprise me. 

And the buck Goats were ALL  practicing their Love Language and it sounded like some kind of zoo  and i came in for a little while and got on my Hundertwasser bracelet that Maria  ( 2)  made for me because it was really such a Hundertwasser kind of Day and i thought about the 5 Skins

 

Then into the house and she was in one of her moods where she goes from one thing to another, kind of non stop...and i tell her to stop so she does in that moment but just moves on to the next thing...these things are poking at Chinche,  sitting ON Chinche,  poking Tazmeena who was lying on a chair cushion,  poking me.  Around and around and around stopping for the second she's told to but continuing really and i was noticing how again Deft she is at poking with her nose...just hard enough but so Care Fully,  not too hard and how even when she runs in the house,  she never runs into anything or disturbs anything as in knocking it over.   Her control over herSelf is really astounding.  And yes,  that would be agility and consentration of herding breed.  But there's something else too, with her.  Somethings she just keeps on keeping on doing tho she knows i'll tell her NO!,  she Chooses to continue doing day after day ....and here it is....Chooses to continue doing because i think she really doesn't agree with me that they are problem behaviors.  She really doesn't see them that way.  Even tho she knows i do.   And to be fair,  there are several things that she has done Once and then never again...like taking one of my shoes.   Or sticking her head around the shower curtain when i'm in there.  She WANTS to do these things but doesn't.  Because i guess she thinks it's fair that i don't want her to.  

But back to yesterday,  at one point she began playing with Chinche's food bowl that's always on the kitchen floor,  is a relatively small ceramic bowl and she was manipulating it around the floor with her feet,  like playing soccer with it and then holding it with her feet and gnawing it, just a little,  just to make a sound that she seemed to be enjoying  and kept it up when told to Cut it Out.  And finally i just YELLED at her,  REALLY REALLY LOUD     STOP ITTTTT!  STOP EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,  NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!   and she did.  and layed down her head pressed to the floor.   And then from in the Living Room i could feel her "pulling my attention"...she  was at their water bowl,  a large glass bowl and she put her paw on the rim and tipped it slowly  over and an entire bowlfull of water flowed all directions over the floor and she 

looked at me,  so surprised and really with  such a human look of oh shit,  i really did it now and i just stood there looking at her from a distance and did not say a word than sat down on the rocking chair my back to her and she very softly came around and sat in front of me very very close and stared into my face which was even with her face and just stared into my face stared into my mind and then went back to look at the little streams of water still flowing across the floor

and then she went outside and layed down under the Apricot Tree which she never does by herself, only with Chinche or if i am out Side too....and she stayed there for a couple hours all while i was working on the Grass  coming in every now and again to look at me from the door way but i was not willing to look at her yet.   So i didn't.  and i didn't for most of the evening till the end  when  i finally did but still wouldn't speak to her or touch her.  Which she accepted too as Fair.  

and  i read that poetry in the book of Grasses which always totally does me in, those words, so beautiful to me   and i realized how i feel so Helplessly Open sometimes and how her staring into my face heightens that feeling of not being able to find a Filter that will ease the intensity of what i'm seeing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feelings

things here today have caused me Feelings.   so what i have to offer for this day is not much.

 

getting home from going to Music Thursday at the Old Folks Home i spent a lot of time with things about/with the DOG.  This DOG that is a dog but more and i don't really have the wherewithall to find words for it.  Just that She is .....well....She is a dog.  yes.   But she is different than a dog.  and it's the different than a dog part that is Wearing me, Pulling me IN,  causing.   She works on me and works on me when i am "weak".  I guess when i am most helplessly OPEN?  i think that's it.  When i am helplessly Open.  ok. yes.   This is when she works on me.  ok.  

so inbetween being WORKED by a dog,  i began the grasses.  Above.  and i was making what came to be Desert Love Grass.  here is some POETRY about native desert Love Grass from the beauty

FULL

excellent    A Field Guide to the Grasses of New Mexico    ......    Second Edition  Kelly W. Allred  Agricultural Experimental Station  New Mexico State University  1997

"Inflorescence a panicle.  Spikelets several -flowered,  the glumes, lemmae, and grains disarticulate, often leaving the paleas attached to the rachilla.  Lemmas 3-nerved, awnless."

it could go like this:

 

Inflorescence,  a panicle....

spikelets several 

flowered

the glumes,  lemmae and grains

disarticulate.

Often leaving the paleas  attached to the rachillas...........................................

Lemmas, 3 nerved, awnless.

reading words about grasses makes me swoon.

 

 

 

 

quiet moist goodness

It rained AGAIN,  all night.  All night.  Today was a partly Sunny only just a reasonably warm day  and i spent it with cloth.  I was quiet.  

 

A wild wind had blown this down from where it's been hanging from the Big Beam  (where  i intend to put the   hanging rag rug loom) ,  hung it on the wall and thought about how much i like it even tho it is almost nothing at all.   And got lost in thought for a little while thinking of things i could DO to it to make it "more",  but then  realized that anything would Undo the reason why i like it so much.  

 

and for some Unknown reason,  i had the urge to look for this one.  Made so long ago, at the Beginning of Jude.    I think it was because i have been thinking about  "story"  all night and then on into this day...maybe that's it?,  and i wanted to look at it and  see what it might tell me.

 

But mostly, it was this.  I tried a while, to use that other scrap of cloth for Her.  I wanted to because it was so Soft and so how i remember the Feeling of her,  that Biggest Lizard of All  (that i haven't seen since)  (maybe soon, again)  but it just wasn't working.   So i began again and this is good.  Except for her left leg,  the legs and arms are pretty much ok.   I have to wait to do the hands and feet till the grass seed stems are in place.   The hands and feet need to be just exactly right.  As they ARE on lizards.  ....  Wild Lizards as the kids used to call them.....wild lizards.  That makes me smile.

and i'll just say it.  I was expecting Patricia to,  but she is deep into her Life at the moment,   but one of August's Eyes,  the left one,  became a Goat eye.  and that striated shape just above,  amidst the petals is not a petal but a horn.   Story tells its Self.

and since i write here about any particular day as it IS,  i have to confess.  I wasn't going to.  But, here i am,  needing to....   Last eve i turned the hose on under the Close Young Cottonwood to run softly on her earth.   and i FORGOT.   In the middle of the night,  in the middle of the night with Rain  steadily coming down,  i woke and went out with the flashlight and sure enough.   Flooded.  This morning i saw that Tay must have tried to bring it over to the porch.  She's into hoses.   She gave up when it got hung up on the Child Buddha Diamond bed and left it.  The water from it had gone and gone and gone into a crevice and now there is a deep sink hole.   Not big, but deep.

So, here it is.  This day.

 

and as i was writing the above,  a Storm was coming fast over the Rim.  I shut down the computer for Lightening just in time.   But then  it was so fast,  MOVING,  that SUN was Glaringly Beauty Full at the  Same Time and  Rain and Sun and  Lightning and Thunder and everything was glistening and Wet so i tried to get a pic of that but i couldn't but look.......,  those little Spirits.....

 

 

 

i wept.

Almost by accident i saw this NEWS:   The Elwha River runs 45 miles from the Olympic Mountains to the Straight of Juan de Fuca.  It once was the richest, read that most SACRED,  Salmon River on the Olympic Penninsula.  It was the home of the Lower Elwha Klallam Tribe from the Beginning.   Today the demolition of the last 30ft of the  210 foot high Glines Canyon dam will signal the culmination of the largest dam removal project in the World.  By the unrelenting effort of the Lower Elwha Klallam that began in earnest in the 1980's.   As the River has been gradually released,  Riparian Habitat has returned as have Running Salmon.  You can read more at:                     news.nationalgeographic.com  Worlds Largest Dam Removal Unleashes U.S. River After Century of Electric Production.

i wept.

what we see here....Alluvial Fan....that Arc,  that Wing,  that....that....that....at the MOUTH of the River..................This is just Fine, so so amazing and Fine.  It is an act of Love.

 

Before i went to work at the Old Cowboy's this morning, i checked...

SHE'S BACK!

 

i must have taken a zillion pics till i got this one...she is camera shy.  Tracy.  Here she is in all her glory and so much Bigger today.   She had 3 shrouded wrapped forms in her morning's web which is also Bigger.   I'd never noticed before,  that as the spider grows,  so does the web.    So.  Tracy.

 

and as August goes,  there are Stink Bugs toodleing around everywhere.   Pinacate Beetle.  So diligent and sincere in their life's business.

 

the first bloom of the Native Sunflower,  maybe the Only Native Sunflower here this year.  Last year there were many.  ?????  But,  here,  and Fine.

 

 

i began the Lizard.   Worked a while then gave up.   It's not an end of the day kind of work....the cloth that i think i Need for her is soft and difficult to stitch without creating folds and Lizard does not have folds and ripples,  is smooth, taught.  Will wait.   but i did begin.

witnessing

i went to a funeral this morning in St. Louis, Missouri, USA  via this computer screen.  Sat.  Drinking tea.   Watching.  Listening.   My beingness drawn to the face of the mother.   

i went then to my Monday work and did that,  came home,  fed Goats,  fed dogs.  Gave water.

all along i thought that no matter anything else,  What kind of people would let the body of an eighteen year old child lie in the middle of a street for over 4 hours?.   Would not let the mother of that eighteen year old child come to him,  hold him in the first hours of his death.

if nothing else,   i want an answer,  a Real answer to this.   How do "they" legitimize this?  In all cultures,  all societies spanning the globe,  death is honored in certain ways.  Only in War do bodies lie in the  heat of the sun.  Only in war.

SUNday

good for now.  Grass leaves stitched down.  Now for the seed stems and .....and....Lizard.  OK.  

I made another pie with the rest of the crust dough from last week.  Perfect again.  And now, stuffed peppers are in the oven.  Cooking food.  Food.  Food from Plants.  Plants.  And as i arranged and re arranged the grasses then stitched,  i thought about what i am trying to SEE with this cloth.  AUGUST is a space,  a time, repeating,   year after year.  We name this time August.  I wonder what other cultures call this time,  when it is a moment of All of It....growth/the beginning of decay.......it is such an intense time to me,  since a child,  that it is as if it is a BEING.  Maybe the only space in the roll of a Year that seems this way to me.   The She of August holds all that has come before and all that might come of that.  August is Everything.

 

the day that got away

Goat feed tubs and water tubs cleaned with vinegar......Sabine the stove got completely taken apart and recalibrated for propane gas....the shower head which has been spewing water out sideways since the visit of the young ladies (no names,  but someone must have tried to see if the spray would adjust which it doesn't and thereby caused a seperation of a gasket etc.  and since then it's been faulty.  anyway, i  was shown how to fix that.  Then Alz. B.   Before and after the afore,  tried to get the grasses back in place after taking them off to add one more petal i thought should be there,  but it didn't, but i absolutely could NOT get the grasses right again.  Who could imagine?  Only 5 blades of grass but even the slightest tilt or slant or curve changes the whole Energy.  So tomorrow again.  

The Sun shown.  And i noticed how things look different with so much humidity

 

especially wood.  Paper feels different.  Thicker and with texture.  Even printer paper.   Money, especially feels more like cloth and tends to have an odor....a money odor.

This morning,  before all the rest,  a slow cruise around to see what changes the Day of Rain had brought.

 

the Summer Squashes are done in.  Over, completely.  

 

various stages of juvenile Squash Bugs.   They win.  I had hoped that  planting the squash in the big plastic landscape pots  might foil them.  Alas.  I didn't have the heart today but tomorrow i'll go look at those beauty FULL Volunteers in the compost and see if  they found their way over there.

But the really Greatest and Best thing,  i almost didn't see.

it's a basket, Jude.   Truly a basket in form.   I look every morning for tomato worms, as i did today.  Looking long and close and then with that almost closed eyed gaze that Don Juan teaches in the Casteneda books.   Looking for very subtle irregularity of form which is the only way to see a tomatoe worm when it's still small.   Before damage.   But no...all was well and i started to move away and suddenly by True Magic this Web became visible.  Straight on it wasn't at all but from just a slight angle, it caught the morning Sun light and was THERE in all it's Glory.   In the very center,  She who had spun.   Small.  A small spider.  I will look in the morning and see if she has grown.    And with this web,  August is official.   I have been waiting.