Again, the morning dawned bleak. Vague. like, almost not. It was so still, with almost a quality of emptiness. The silence of it was so silent. And I just sat and tried to understand how it was making me feel. The best i could come up with was that there was just Too Much of It. And then i thought of Barometric Pressure. Barometric Pressure. and what IS barometric pressure? I googled. It is the weight of the air around us. "The joints and other parts of our body are filled with fluid and this fluid responds to barometric pressure". ......thinking.....the Brain is filled with fluid. Maybe this is it. Or maybe not. But a day for Just Going.
And i had thought about Just Going a lot yesterday. The term comes from Jude Hill, Spirit Cloth and it has her meaning and also so totally gave word to something i know very intimately, have known, maybe for ever, i so loved the term when i first read her using it. But what Really?, IS Just Going? And that made me think about the young Goat, whose name is Just Going.
She was born July 4th, 2012, the last of Lucky Star's 3 kids. The two large buck twins, Los Dados, and then her. She was so so small and frail. She could not hold up her head. They were the last of the 14 kids born and i sat there and looked at her and thought, well....it would be too much to hope for all of them to make it. The two little bucklings were already finding their teat. Wobbling around after Lucky Star,
was in some kind of post partum altered state. So i got up and went into the house and sat. After a couple hours, i went back Out.
and i thought...Just Going. She is Just Going.
By the time she got to where Lucky Star was, in her quest for What She Really Didn't Know Yet, Lucky Star would have moved somewhere else. So she had to start again. Just Going. She had to just go. and she did.
her on the Raft, a couple days later.
Today. Her butt is the same size as her Mother's.
she is strong and snotty....one of the two most Feral. I need to change that, she and i need to Just Go in these next months. No easy task.
So....really, What is Just Going?, back to the original thought. Maybe when you are at some Point. Where things seem unclear. When there are no known indicators. When you need to go somewhere you have not been before. or Forgot you have been there, because it looks all different. But you want to Live, to "fulfill that covenant", if you can, so
you just do the one single Next Thing. That accomplished, you do the next. and so on. ????????
Actually, yesterday wasn't at all "nothing", it was a LOT. So much so a Lot that all i could say was Nothing. But there was this....i'd forgotten to put water in before i went off to the Old Cowboy's and it was all dried out. Stiff. Crusty. but beauty full none the less.
this morning i added water
added just some Earth
this is a printout with drawing on it
and then i DID it. The small figure at the mercy of Winter Sky, but "asking" and so, in a way, also Just Going. I stitched the figure first. Before any other stitches at all. it must Mean something?
at the very Last of the day, the Grey broke and blue. Blue was there. I knew it was, but i really needed to SEE it. and so. Time to just go.
