seems like a pattern is establishing itself. Part of my days continue to be directed to Old Cowboy business and that part shares space with internal process which is often represented by cloth making. And so, today.
Yesterday i called the PA at OCB's doctors clinic, who he saw in February for a refill of his blood pressure medicine, (he actually goes there maybe every 18 mos. to 2 years, whatever we can get away with). When he had an O2 Sat of 81 and they again asked him if he wanted to be put on oxygen and again the answer was Hell no. So ok. We just go. But as things seem to be racheting up incrementally, i had some questions about honoring my commitment to his wishes along with my own intuitive sense of things versus what might be viewed as Neglect. At the end of the conversation i understood him to say that he would wait for word from me and then enter a request for Hospice Evaluation. But....he did not wait but sent in the order/request and a woman from there called OCB this morning, introducing herself and asking him if they could send someone out to talk with him. Bless his heart, he said you need to talk to Grace. She's the boss. and he called me. Long conversation that in a nutshell was that we are just very much OK with what we're doing right now. That the future most likely will change that, but for right now, we're Good.
But i called her, the manager of Hospice Care here in Socorro and her name is Sharon....wouldn't we know....since Michelle sent the link to Sharon Salzberg's Teaching, i am loving Sharon Salzberg who i'd never paid any attention to before, and my dead sister's name was Sharon. She died when i was 7 years old. Sharon is not that common a name to run into. So here, in just a matter of days,
2 other Sharons to make 3 altogether. When stuff comes the third time, i pay attention.
Sharon of Hospice here was UNBELIEVABLY WONDERFULL.....really. Every other sentence was a beauty full surprise. and all the details are unnecessary now, but what was the most AMAZING thing is that a person does NOT need to be stated to be probably dead in 6 months to receive their services. All that is necessary is that they do have medical conditions that are certain to end in death. For him, it's the COPD, one, and then his prostate situation which has not been diagnosed as cancer and which he does not want to fool with the tests that would make a diagnosis, but the symptoms and elevated blood levels that make it Likely. These are Enough to get him going. He can decide exactly how much involvement he is comfortable with. The minimum right now would be a social worker and RN coming to interview him. Next would be a RN visiting once a week, just to say hi. To establish a relationship. It can stay this much for however long. From there, life events would dictate anything else he might want. He remains in a position of Choosing.
The thing i loved most about it is that it addresses the Scenario that we have been working with for a while now. It is highly possible he can fall. The plan of the moment is that i call every morning to see if he answers the phone. If he doesn't, i drive in there to find out why. His mailman lets himself into the front door all 6 mail days to see if he is up. There is a card in the mailbox that has my phone number if the door is still locked. he would call me. His across the street neighbors are familiar with his habits and if something appeared unusual, they have my number too.
But often things take on a life of their own. If 911 were called FIRST, they would come, and even if his advanced directives were on his refrigerator, they are bound to use all at their hand to keep him going. Which would mean oxygen, cpr, etc. The advance directives, in his case NOTHING to prolong life, would only click in after he was seen by a physician in the ER. This is NOT what he wants. If he can't breathe, he is prepared to be afraid for a while, but then just not breathe. We talk about this often enough. He's ready.
and IF he would connect with Hospice, instead of calling 911, Hospice would be called. Their nurse would arrive, 24/7 and evaluate the situation, contact his physician and chances are, he could stay home. He could be made comfortable. He could not be Afraid. He could take his Chances, he could face the RISK. and he would be surrounded with HELP in this.
Sharon and i talked and agreed that he could be their Poster Boy. He is a perfect candidate for what they can offer. So this was BEYOND WONDER FULL. WAY beyond. WAY. I'll talk with him and we will decide what to think and when.
AND, in New Mexico, at least, their services are 100% covered by Medicare. THIS IS HUGE.
so....the mundane.
and then the Numinous. This is First Iris, a cloth that i bought from Patricia of followingthread.wordpress.com.
I am not sure what she had in mind when she called it First Iris. But what it was/is to me is the ESSENCE of Iris...the first time this ESSENCE of Iris took form on this planet, whenever that might have been. To me, it is the very Finest Cloth i have ever seen. It hangs on the wall just to the right of this computer corner. I look at it Every Day and am filled by the Spirit of it. EVERYTHING about it...the colors, the stitching, the forms just FILL me. Every day. Today i took it over to the screen to look at it there and was fill with wonder just like on the first day it arrived to live here last year.
the gauze is back.
These are just thoughts that came:
it's real name is House of Wind, House of Sand
i don't ordinarily "name" cloths, but give them words to identify them
House of Wind is a Spirit house that has formed and is constantly reforming around us.
a simultaneous existing Shelter, whether or not we allow ourselves to be aware that it is there. It is in a certain way autonomous because it is a naturally occuring phenomenon OF this Earth.
The dog and the crow are of that world of the Spirit. The dog chooses relationship with the Temporal. The crow does not. The crow does not enter the world of humankind, remains aloft, aloof, is OF the Wind.
so. i will move to the Crow now...make it identifiable as Crow.
