so i am reading the Gawande book, Being Mortal and reading about establishment of Communities and Hospice and the conversation over the last months with Granddaughter has deepened...her interest Forming about what she wants to DO with her degree when it's hers....we talk about her mother, brother, her children, me, the world. What might make a difference. So that, and then my own thoughts with Raya showing up yesterday and when we were at Walmart, to get that Tub of Peanut butter, we ran into Mike of my friends Mike and Thelma who i know through their Native Plant Nursery that no longer is in operation but we had become friends because there was an easy sense between all of us that included Thelma's parents who she spends Sunday's with or part of and they liked to come here now and then to see what was going on with the Goats. Her dad, especially and he was a Well of information of " how it's always has been here". A huge family, Chavez. The road he lives on is named after him....Fermin Chavez... phonetically, FairMean, sortof. Hadn't seen any of them all winter, but that's kind of how it goes in the cold months but with the Warm, i'd been thinking of them. Fermin and Flora. And Mike told me yesterday that Fermin hadn't been feeling well this winter and they went to the VA Hospital in March and they did some tests and he was Full of cancer. Cancer that is inoperable. Mike told me that yesterday, Hospice came. To their home, there along the ditch bank and the Bosque on the road with his name. The old home that only about a year ago got hot water into it. For the first time. They do things the old way. I asked him to have Thelma call me last eve to see if her dad might be up for me to come see him. or not. Whatever she thought....and she did and said yes, he would like that. So i went this morning. I had opened that Door.
he is on a bed right there, inside the front door. Next to the table, out a bit from the kitchen sink. Had oxygen...nasal canula.... and i sat next to him on the bed and laid myself as lightly as i could on him, my arms around him, hands behind his neck and we just breathed together for a while. I'd brought him a good luck charm from the gas station. There is a little basket there of stone animals, and when i got gas before i went, i looked through and chose him a bear but when i got outside i saw that it had one blue eye from a blue chip but the other eye was empty because i guess the blue chip had fallen out but i thought it was OK anyway so i gave it to him. He said it looks Just Like You. We smiled. So i stayed a while talking to everyone but still leaning into him and not too long and said i had to go...had stuff to do. Goat stuff etc. But that i'd come back. He asked When? Today? and i said no, not today, and he said he might not be here then, when i got back and i said well, OK then i would keep looking for him. That he should keep that one blue eyed bear and it would make it easier for me to find him. And he said
OK.
and i can't in this moment get a pic to download from picasa. so i will or will not finish this post this eve...we'll see. It's Passover.
NEXT DAY...SUNDAY but to finish yesterday...try again to post the pics
still no.
Monday afternoon:
still
