windthread

Sun day again, already, how fast it goes....time.......

Looking.  The first "mask" as Jude taught us....on Magic Diaries Cloth

a print out,  to see how it might go....a cloth for M1130

i think about Metta for Wolves....May you be Safe,  be happy,  be healthy,  May you live with ease...for wolves,   to be afraid of people,  to RUN,  not look.   To his mate,  F1305,  May you be safe.  RUN.

 

Hollihocks.  I forget,  all the time.  I have stolen THREE things,  not two,  but Three.  These are multigenerational hollihocks from seeds i stole from Georgia OKeefe's garden at Ghost Ranch.  So these,  the Janet Chairs and Time.  Three things i have stolen.

storm, change, love, look, let go, sad, but love and Just go

every small stitch is stitched.  All that's left are the hanging tabs on the back.  Yesterday,  i could not have let it go.  Today...yes...and i think about this.  Why keep things in the drawer?   I suppose i can change things out on the walls,  which there are such small space of,  but really,  i like Other people's work on the walls,  the minimal space of walls here, and so....let it fly.  And that is the Beauty of the blogging as it goes.  I'll never forget.

so tonight and tomorrow i'll look long and close about What it IS with this Cloth, remembering and taking it into other Cloths that are yet to come.   It can go into the shop and feed Goats.

The Thing here,  the "mask"  was from back somewhere in Jude's online workshops.  I don't remember when,  but somewhere near the beginning.  She taught this.  The Cutting Out of center.

this cloth is from that time of weaving and cutting.  It's been in the drawer for years.

so,  looking,  what IS it about this cutting out?  I want to keep the knowledge,  try it again,  see if it works again.  Will it?  and What exactly does it DO?  What exactly does it Give a Cloth?

if i try to repeat it, will it work with the same energy as This?   or,  is This a Once In a Lifetime Cloth?

will need to Just Go.

this showed up on the Wall a few days ago for no reason

this i put here a few weeks ago with joy

this from our junky ass paper of May 28th....it comes out once a week now,  down from twice.  They have killed him  M 1130  the partner to the Mexican Wolf,  our own F 1305,  who was taken from the Rim Pack to breed with a more genetically diverse male.

They were released April 21st.  She was/is pregnant.  He is now dead.  On the 17th and the 19th  he was seen in Catron County here,....Looking.  He was looking.    Mexican Wolf Interagency Field Team was given permission to try to remove him from the wild.  Authorized capture methods included trapping, darting and lethal take.  Less than two days for the trapping and darting before the lethal take.

so maybe this cloth is for him,  M 1130.

Desert Willow have begun to bloom

 And the rabbit.  I chased the young Jack rabbit out this morning.  Filled the space in the gate with rocks.  Now we have the cottontail.  Live trap.  Maybe i can borrow one or maybe i need to get one but live trap.  Rabbits won't work here.

love, scattered and some unsure, maybe ill advised

Rabbit.  This morning.  Again and i went out and chased it around the East side of the Oasis and it made a cross yard get away through a small space at the hinge of the big Way Back fence.  Good.  Out.  OK! and i collected some rocks that would fill that space just right,  too  heavy for a rabbit to push.

Turning,  a Surprise!

a Flower Garden of sorts!

 

PINK blossoms

 

and PURPLE!  Look how cracked the soil is.  There is NO WATER back in this part of the Way Back other than falls from the Sky.  But it evidently was enough...for a Garden of sorts.  Which Wind, i wonder, had deftly carried and scattered these seeds?

 

i worked away an extra day today and when i returned,  went out for a Rabbit Patrol and LOOK!  The Pinks are really a kind of daisey!  So this Places version of Jude's beauty Full Place in Long Island.  How Beauty FULL that we bloom together in our own way.................

But back to the R word.  After marveling at the Garden,  i turned again and what did i see????  Another rabbit.  This one very small and not a Jackrabbit,  but a cottontail.  ACK.   I went back and pulled the rocks away and then took off after This rabbit which ran, without hesitation,  to a small space that is open to UNDER THE HOUSE.    It knew where it was going. 

A while ago,  while i was on the phone to Greatest Nurse Cindy, i was looking out and there it was.

So small,  innocent, sweet,  inside the Oasis,  Goats all around  eating grass and weed tips through the fence,....right there....and small rabbit among them,  and it comes out and sits in the way only a rabbit can sit just inches from Goat hooves and they  look down and sniff and snort like they do and he sits.  All Happy.

Happy.

The final round of the Metta is 

May We ALL be safe.  Be Happy.  Be Healthy.  May ALL live with ease.

so i think.  But there is an entire field of alfalfa just across the road.  There is a ditch flowing with water.  There are so many great places for a Rabbit.    Why here?  for the first and only time in 20 years?  

I let it go and worked more on the cloth which has totally captured my Heart.   How I am LOVING this Cloth.  With each stitch,  invisible,  i love it more.    

 

how the very Old and Soft linen that is the High Desert Meadow After Rain is so  so  sensual just as a high desert meadow after rain IS.  

This Cloth is BEAUTYFULL.  And i say that,  not having an iota to do with me.  Nothing to do with me.  It chose its Self.  It IS its Self.  There are only two stitches...the running stitch of the Kantha and Jude's Invisible Baste.  Nothing much,  but oh....oh......to me it is so so BEAUTY FULL.   a couple of moments i've thought it "should" have even just a Sun or a Moon because it is so Plain,  but NO.  It's the plain ness that is IT.  Nothing Needed.  Earth and Sky and then all that is Ever Present Around,  circling Around.  Available...all that is Ever Present and Available.  

so....Happiness, Right?  Wendy's Children.  To become Safe enough,  to someday find that there are Things just Available to them,  just There,  and if they can become Safe enough,  they can reach out....take something...try it out.....find out that it's Theirs Too.  A piece of Sky.  A piece of Earth.  A Color.

 

 

 

 

Happiness

Journal:  the Epiphany...the Visualizing Sitting with Salzberg,  understanding about Happy,  about "being" happy but not identifying it as happy.   hence,  the difficulty with May I be happy.    So GREAT.

i cut it.  First thing this morning.

 

and more.  And getting this far,  i knew i was going to want the pieces to Fray.  so i pulled edges with my fingernails,  no,  and  tried to undo the weave with a needle,  no.  It's linen and i realized how little i really understand about linen.

next was to wash it,  see if the washing would loosen the weave in a different way  but i had to do it by hand and i have no dryer which can sometimes change the edges of things.

drying on one of the Janet Chairs

i thought all was lost.

 

first,  there was too much of the All That IS coming into the center.  Ok.   and then,  the edges of the Circle...no fray,  but i invisibly basted close together and all around and then as i was looking i rubbed the edge with my finger which was wet from washing my hands.  The fibers kind of curled back and   it's Great!  I had been thinking:  I will NEVER use linen again,  but i like what it did and i can just know that it won't Fray, like cotton.    MAJOR LESSON.   

It is GOOD.  it is another Metta Cloth.  the second one.  OK.   Happiness.

right in the center,  just at the top edge of the shadow behind the laundry baskey,  a shape.   A young Jack rabbit.   First time ever.  Not good.  I hoped it would just Go the way it Came but again just a while ago,  still there.  So i am doing this now and then staying Out the rest of the evening.  Going to see if i can close off the Corridor so i can let Tay back there.  Maybe.  If it stays there,  it will eventually come through the Corridor and into the Front where the food gardens are and that would be the end of that unless Tay could chase it out someway but that also might be the end of the food gardens if she runs through them after it.  

 

a Good day with the Animating Presence, holding up one end of the dialogue.

 brainpickings.org   Maria Popova

An Animating Presence:  Dani Shapiro on the Quest for a Connected Consciousness.  The art of holding up one's own end of the dialogue.

Dani Shapiro's book:  Devotion.  a memoir.  and in it,  about her experience of Metta Meditation with her Teacher Sylvia Boorstein.  

"after a little while,  I became troubled by the question of prayer.  Who was it directed to?"

Boorstein explained that rather than metaphysical sorcery,  the chants (Metta)  are meant to channel our deepest wishes.

"What did it mean to fervently, wholeheartedly name a desire?  To speak out of a deep yearning...to set that yearning loose in the world?  Could a wish be a less fraught word for prayer?...maybe it wasn't about who, if anyone, was on the other end,  listening.  Maybe faith had to do with holding up one end of the dialogue."

 

 

the kind of Weaving i feel Good about

Again

 

just looking

and More

 

more kantha.  And no,  Mo,  i don't stitch till my fingers bleed,  but i DO stitch till my left eyeball feels like it wants to fall out.

I wanted so MUCH to cut it.  To cut the center.  But i haven't and will Wait till tomorrow.  But the kantha is/was enough to hold the fibers of the linen in place.  Tomorrow.

 

 

i worked on the Fence

going on and on

is what it feels like to me...what i have been doing for a while...kind of like a broken record,  but it's how i Work Stuff.  And this is foremost a Journal.   so i say OK to Self.  Do what you need to do.  Say what you need to say until there is some Peace to it all.  

So my calendar is changed.  There are SUNdays and then Mondays and then OldCowboydays and Wednesdays  etc.  Tuesdays are no longer just Tuesday and specifically, every Other tuesdays but just OldCowboyDays.  and i have Worked it enough so it's Ok and what it is.  There will be more change,  but for now,  seems like some kind of equilibrium.  

Knowing that it can be anything,  i give it over in its Entirety,  OldCowBoyDay.  It began this morning with something i don't understand.  There was a CROW.  I heard it before i went to the door,  a CROW low in the Oasis yard and Hot on it a band of maybe 7 or 8 Mockingbirds...chasing it, rushing it.  CROW landing here and there and a long time on one of the inside fence posts.  Never Before.

and it was over as suddenly as it began.  

I saw then Tanagers...many in the Three Leaf Sumac....brilliant colours,  hanging like ornaments as they do.

and i thought about how when i first came here,  when i brought those first Garden Toads,  there was a single Meadowlark.  There was no tree yet.  No bush.  The single Meadowlark sang from the electrical line.

and then the day dissolved into  Work Away.   Once finally Back Home and pulling the hose to clean out  the  water bowl in Nogal and Tenzen's yard,  passing the Three Leaf Sumac,  i saw that there was not ONE.  Not ONE SINGLE berry when there had been SO MANY,  hundreds,  yesterday.

EATEN.

GONE.

a circle of Season's work for that bush.  Eaten.

and i did spend some small time with kantha

and just Looking.   With no particular Intent.

stuff that was on the Surface of the piles of stuff on the table...shapes....images.....

and this,  all taken Apart

i caught the little so recently TRANSPLANTED  Chocolate Flower's bloom in the last moment.  By tomorrow,  it will not be here.    

but just to the right,  two new blooms are coming.  and i look.  FEEL how Loving this is.  To be Transplanted.    Dug  up.  Carried.  Planted.  and to Just Go.   to Just Go.  This very small plant.  A plant to Just Going.   Maybe This is the most important part of this day

a stolen 2nd SUNday

because it is a US holiday,  i didn't have a work day.  So i instead  stole a 2nd SUNday.  I replanted cucumbers that had disappeared in two places,  same for two tomato plants and put in the last of the peppers.

To accomplish this,  i said NO twice and didn't answer the phone once.  It felt good.

I went about looking for likely places to plant SunFlowers.  One of which was at the back of the Raft and as i cleared out a little of the Kochia weed there,  Lo and Behold....

a VERY LARGE Garden Toad jumped up onto the Raft.  That's a quart canning jar.  He/She is bigger in circumference than that jar.  a BIG Toad.

Tay did not know what to think and i yelled,  NO!  Toad! Family! and at first she thought she wasn't supposed to look but then realized looking was ok and even nudging which she did and the Toad didn't blink an eye,  but she understood...Family....and when he/she hopped off,  she went her way.  This toad might be SandRock,  the first toad here that i "imported" from where i worked in the Valley then to comfort myself in this then barren place.  I planted and built a "world" for SandRock, in hopes it would keep him/her from hopping off to the North neighbor Sally's place that had grass and trees.  I brought a few others and it worked.  Depending on how and what is growing,  i see them.  They are discreet,  Toads.  Keep to themselves.  But it felt so GOOD to know this one,  this Old One is here.  And there was a hole that i forgot to photograph...am sure it's a snake.  To the right of the Raft.  Yes.  Yesss!...for the mice in the Albatros.  So GOOD.

Looking for something that isn't there anymore,  i came across these two in the drawer and washed them.  From Way Back in the early days of the Jude Workshops.  Woven cloth.  and looked and understood how weave and patchwork provide a more uhhhh,  a more....hmm.  A more WHAT?

A more  readily receiving Ground for a cloth.  When there is just cloth,  it becomes more complex to create a "finished" feeling Cloth.  The weave or the patchwork are Things in themselves that just cloth is not...

 

something else in the drawer

 

for instance.

Another piece i found that i had totally forgotten.  What Was I Thinking here????  I have no idea.

 

 

 

 

kantha continues.

 

AND

Nogal...he climbs up the fence,  as high as he can get...he is into Kissing....nuzzling,  they make Eye Contact and Face Contact,  he wants to touch mouths....he is soft and very gentle in his nuzzling and sincere and very much Wants to do this and so what do you do?,  but say OK Then and put your face

SUNday

most of this SUNday was Out but some was given to getting the Kantha going...i longed to feel it begin to Happen

not a lot,  but enough to begin to feel it

Feather Grass beginning to seed

Chatalpa,  cross between Catalpa and Desert Willow   (WHY????,  i have no idea)  blossoming.  I was surprised because that late freeze set it back so much,  but here she is.....

Desert Willow...soon....

Still three bales of wild sunflower to spread on paths around the composts

I had pulled the Beloved Datura during the time i was still Running the Goats through the House Yard,  Middle to Way Back,  not wanting to take the chance.   Now with the Migratory Corridor, i will let these three young ones come on.  The seeds had waited.  OK.    And this reminds me to check the buck yards for any that might be coming there.  Tomorrow.

All while working Out there,  i notice how stones and rocks  claim their places

and here they come...the Insect People...how they wait and then the timing is right and they Go.

On the curtain as i look now

Candles for Liz and her world in San Marcos Texas.    Flooding.  She is on high ground but her world receives Water. 

..........................................................ADDENDUM.........................................................................

don't forget to double click...the seeds,  the blossoms....it takes  you into Their World

 

 

 

Spaces

Thinking continuously about Vayla.    Vayla,  the girl in Wendy's EssayTelling.  How she knows.

"I could not figure out why I liked textiles sewn with spaces in them.  Why I like the way this woman sewed her cloth, leaving me a way to see the sun through the cloth,  I think of why someone would stitch cloth that has spaces. "

the center of this,  i think,  will be Cut Out.   Making a Space.  I have no idea what might come into that cut out space but i feel good,  really good,  thinking about a cut out space.  I began the kantha that will rim the circle.  I already know how that's going to feel,  the substance that cloth acquires with kantha stitches.   Am anticipating that,  how it feels.  And then after that's done,  the center will be cut out and become very Light.  What will go there?

And at On Being,  there is a conversation with a composer of Movie Music...musical scores,  i forgot to write down his name but you can go look.  He talks about Spaces in music.   Spaces.  Maybe we need spaces so things can fully be what they Are.  Not all of Us,  but some of Us.  and What if we are of the Some of Us Clan?  that need space.  Lots of it.  Vayla needs space for her work.  I need space for mine.  Different Work,  but our WORK.    So we NEED it.  Not to just Indulge in,  but NEED it.

At some point today the thought came....i am going to Take as much time as i possibly CAN to do what i NEED to do.  Whether or not it makes sense to any other person,  I am going to TAKE as much time as i possibly can.    I think this is the work of the Protection  Cloth.    It kind of feels like

stealing time

and ok, then.  i will steal it.  I can try to explain myself till i'm blue in the face about what matters to me as a human being and people might kind of nod and listen but they have no idea.  So i'm left with a possibility of stealing time.  As much as i can.   Would this make me a Thief?  

 

 

 

 

 

Places of Spaces on the Magic Diaries Cloth

which is now folded,  quiet,  on the back of the futon.  I will do it slow.  One space at a time.  There is no hurry.

 

 

 

 

I am letting myself learn that cloth doesn't have to be FLAT.  it can be,  stitched and Be,  in it's  form as it falls of it's own accord.  This is ok.   How stuff seems to Want to Be is ok.,  follow it.

and then,  i think of the small boy at the end of Wendy's Telling.   Who arrived with a teacher's note and a Mother who was his ally,  who brought a boom box so he could do what he NEEDED to do,  so he could hear both Sam and Valarianna at the same time.  How he knew he needed this.  Both.  He needed both at the same time and because he needed it,  it happened.   So, him too.  Teachers.  This boy,  Vayla.   I am learning.

Peace

there is Peace at the Asylum this evening.  At this Rez,  the Sovereign State of Goats,  the Sovereign State of Tay, Tazmeena and Chinche,  the Sovereign State of grace.  Peace.   Only WIND.  but Peace Rules.

 

The leak was at the connection of the Meter.  a cause for great Celebration for me.  

done.

How Beauty Full.   

but then,  a while later i turned on a faucet and NO WATER.  ACK.  i went out with my trusty crescent wrench but NO ROOM to use it...the configuration inside the space had changed.  Call Rick back...NO WATER and he says if he doesn't show  up within 45 min call him.  So, i wait and then hear them out there and there is

Water

Water

I need to write about Water sometime.  But for now,  there is Water.  Everything is quiet.  Everything is PeaceFULL.  There is WIND,  but somehow it's just very much OK,  the WIND when balanced with other things.  

And all day,  i was filled with thoughts and feelings about Wendy and her Children.  Every morning, almost,  i wake to look through these pages

a book Wendy made in anticipation of Jude's Feather Cloth

the first page is from Wendy.  To Jude and to all the Listeners and Makers

 

there are images like these

 

and there are words,  all the rest of the book,  words of the Children,  like these:

"the back of the cloth tells me about the maker.  I hold on to the threads that end in knots first.  Then i turn the cloth to see what the maker decided to make.  It's like the back of their imagination.  It's like the back of my heart.  I just gotta turn it around and make my own life walkable"

"When i work on my fear of talking,  I always use to go for the cloths that would quiet me.  Now i go for the cloths that say:   C'mon let's get it out,  saying what you want is a good thing...I am good.  But not a things.  It's what i am working on in my sessions.  Fear stops me.  The cloths begin me."

"I have no eyesight.  So What?  I see every cloth here.  I think the makers know I am blind when they make their sewing.  They make cloth so anyone can see things, through their eyeballs or through their hands."

"Thank you maker  people of cloths.  You are my friends.  You are my tribe.  Everyone gets mad at me and  tells me I should get  out of my shell.  The cloth people and feather makers must love shells.  Because now i love being in my shell.  I come out when   i want to and stay in when i want to.  I imagine all the cloth people are shells all over the world, and we go back and forth together, in our shells, out of our shells."

It's about REAL.  It's about an Incredible Space that Wendy has created for the Children.  It's about the Children who KNOW EXACTLY how to USE that space who have the Courage and Brilliance to move within it and make it come Alive.  and so it is too,  about me,  about Us.  who all were children and hold that child self inside us still.

Soon,  Jude will give the Magic Feather Cloth over.   What will go from there????

if you are interested in this book of a Thousand Thank You's,  i think  if you email Wendy at  wendygolden@ rogers.com  she can tell you.  As i said.  i begin most of my days with the book.  Children.  All the children speaking in the book,  so soon to become adults,  so soon to find a Place in this world.  

 

 it's done for now.  Enough.

tazmeena rarely goes to the futon couch.  But here she is today.  Interesting.

Peace.