windthread

Solstice Eve, 2015

we'll see how far we get here.  At a point,  the computer begins making a buZzing sound and i just turn it off.  so...who knows.

the fennel

 

the Guest

 

 

She came.  Black Swallowtail Butterfly and laid her egg and here,  the caterpillar.  Planted the fennel for this and Yes.  As it IS.  YES.

Patricia had wondered what it was like when i came here.  I looked for the photographs to no avail.  This is not a good one,  but what i found.   This is the Asylum that i made of railroad packing crates and scavenged window.  You see Fern,  the 1975 Ford Van that brought me from a different life to a different life and hauled the Asylum here.  Shortly after,  hauled the "Airstream" here.  

The two 4x4 posts you can see at Ferns front are the same two 4x4 posts that are the House Yard Gate posts now.

 

While looking for those pics,  i come across this.  And of Course,  it is so correct because it speaks to STORY of a couple days ago....this is Her....just before she changed the Story

then Her again.

and in looking,  i found this pic of my Beloved Marge.  My beloved Marjorie Burke Price.  We used to go camping on a weekend,  a day or two.  We would do ART and then Burn it in the campfire

you would think,  that it's SO HOT,  that they would just rest or something.  But no.  They saw me through the window moving and zeroed in and began calling.  Goats have 4 stomachs.  Well, really,  one divided into 4 compartments.  So..heat or no,  their compartments become empty and they NEED.  Ok.

it's finished except for the thread beads.  14.  Seven for one Seven for the other.  Tomorrow on Solstice.

the corner.  the Southwest corner where there is Love,  and yet, danger.

Next.

 

a very Good and Excellent day

Because the first electrician never called back and when i re-called,  said i was "on the list",  i called the Other electrician yesterday.  Left a message.    The not having electricity in half the house wasn't really a problem,  the heavy duty extension cord took over well enough,  but there are all those images that flash through a brain of trailer fires from faulty wiring.  And this is an OLD trailer...1960's model  and dragged around through who knows what before it ever got here,  and then all that WIND that batters it year after year;  Electrical things make me nervous.

Anyway...a call from the Second this morning,  he was on his way.  Ok!!!!  and when he got here,  i said just park there,  on side of road but he said no,  needed to bring his truck in,  and i said it's ok and he said No.  Wanted to bring his truck in and i hooked up Tay and opened the big gate.  He said not in this neighborhood.  OK.   He's "from here" and there's no discussion.  Ok.  I remind self that i am naive.   I ask and he is ok with dogs so i let Tay loose and she pants and drools over him as he works.  It's hot.  He tries a few things.  Does a test.  Nope.  A few more things.  Nope and then some more and Yes.  Ok.  And i ask how much and he says $30 and i say that's not enough ....and though i had rehearsed myself before he got here about "talking too much",  i say WHY? and he says...

gesturing with his head,  "It's Nice here".  

It's Nice here.   It's Nice here.

i gave him extra because he came so quickly,  because he didn't mind Tay,  because really,  what he did was worth a LOT to me,  even more than the extra.  But really,  that thing about Peace of Mind.

Everytime something goes wrong with the plumbing or especially the electricity,  i expect the person to say "There's Nothing i can do."  Expect it to be   The End.   It's such an old frail frame of a home.  It would not be surprising.

But here we have it.   "It's Nice here".    Ok.    Metta.  May I be safe.  

And while he works,  his phone rings, and i listen in,  .... No,  he can't do something on Monday because he needs to go to Albuquerque for a colonoscopy and he adds that if that isn't enough well, that's as far as he will go.  No more.

so if anyone can,  light a candle for Grisly Electric that his test goes well and is enough.  May he be Safe.  May he be healthy.

Just after he left there came a Magnificant Electrical Front....THUNDER  beyond THUNDER,  heat lightning and vertical direct strikes,  Just Magnificant

and it passed and  i went Out

now the electric is on i can get the Swamp cooler going.  I hauled the little ladder back.  Took off the panel and looked.  Ok.

it hooks into this and i forget how.  Maybe i can remember.

just a little after 12 oclock you can see the tubing break.  This would be someone's teeth.  Perhaps a Goat because that's all that's back there and that tall.  Rabbits are are too short.

 

interested Observers ....retaining information for their next lives?

and i asked him if he knew anyone who fixes lamps.  He said no.  No one does that anymore but he looked over and said it's a nice lamp, isn't it and i said yes and he,  his name is Beetle,  he said that either of the hardwares in town would have the part i needed.  He said just go slow and take it apart and put the new part in and then go backwards putting it back together.  How he said it makes me think i can do it.

 

 

 

the center

all morning, my mind is whizzing along and things connect and connect and i am making copious notes with arrows,  this to that,  with circling arrows and then it got hot and i slowed down and suddenly arrived at a Thought that....

and the center,  it is all just a manifestation of the I AM.   I took a breath.   a Few breaths and then began to arrange all the thinking around this thought,  seeing it as the pebble in the water,  all the rest the ripples OF that original center and how to explain the connections and then 

how ironic

why not just stay at the center?

So,  here i am.  Now the third time in maybe almost 30 years....and that's ironic too....i seem to go in 10 year increments,  so, of course, i think

Here we are again.

"It is enough to know what you are not.  You need not know what you are.  For, as long as knowledge means description in terms of what is already known, perceptual, or conceptual, there can be no such thing as self-knowledge, for what you are cannot be described, except as total negation.  All you can say is "I am not this,  I am not that".  You cannot meaningfully  say "this is what i am".  It just makes no sense.  What you can point out as "this" or "that" cannot be yourself.  Surely, you can not be "something" else.  You are nothing perceivable or imaginable.  Yet, without you there can be neither perception nor imagination.  You observe the heart feeling, the mind thinking, the body acting;  the very act of perceiving shows that you are not what you perceive.   Can there be perception, experience, without you?   An experience must belong.  Somebody must come and declare it as his own.  Without an experiencer the experience is not real.  It is the experiencer that imports reality to experience.  An experience which you cannot have,  of what value is it to you?

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj    from   I AM THAT   1988  Acorn Press

Okey Dokey.

My kids, grandkids and great grandson are all in Lake Tahoe at the welcome of my X,  my kids father, for a reunion of sorts, or a celebration of father's day.  And just before he left,  my son on phone talked about them coming maybe for Christmas.  I think to make me feel better in case i needed it.  But i looked this morning and well,  Christmas is nice,  but i really want them to come when it's like this

 

 

 

 

 

so i hope they accept this request.  No matter what i am or am not,  in this Round,  i am the grandmother of their child and this is the world i would meet her in.  Mid May to early June.

 

new neighbor on porch who has incorporated a Mexican Feather Grass seed wad as web deco element.

over 100 degrees in the Sun and Snowbunny is Content,  resting in a feed bowl.

 

Filling the dogs House Water Bowl for the zillionth time

 

How i LOVE,  LOVE, LOVE this corner,  the Beauty of the Tangle Fray and Moon

 

LATER...after sitting on the porch

Tay has dis assembled a large old sunflower stalk.  I watched her.  layer by layer.  She comes and pants into my face,  her breath smelling like dry sunflowers.

The Nighthawks have arrived.  Just feet over my head.

 

 

Heat No Storm

equals HOT.   somewhere around 100 degrees.    Moving slow.

 

 

New weed.  the blooms are smaller than a pin head.

 

Moon rings finished...thread beads appearing on them.

Tay is back to normal.  Has 5 more days to go of her antibiotic and anti inflamatory.  It looks like it's going to be just so OK.

 

WENT BACK OUT.

 

because it was so hot with no storm,  i set the hose under the Three Leaf Sumac in the Front Oasis to provide water on into the early night for whatever beings need it.  Next to that is the Stick Pile and i thought to spray it lightly,  like maybe how Rain feels.  I have no idea how many beings live in there.

 

 

 

 

still Out.  Looking.  Watching.  Thinking about

Story

thinking...this is the Sky that i Need.  But then immediately,  knowing that this is simply the Sky that is There.  I create story by saying i Need this sky.   Creating story. 

 

 

Story

This might be a thread of thinking and wondering that might go on for a while,  maybe,  we'll see.  It's not new to me,  but is different right now in ways i am still not quite conscious of.    But it's about how we ARE story.  We are Story.  Several "examples" of this have presented in the last several days and back to that thought a few posts ago,  how if we touch our finger to the pulse,  we are Given things.  Given things to "help us along".  whatever That means.....

So...many things coming to promote this train of thought,  magnetized and being pulled to it to offer even more to consider.   

For instance:  I am very interested in the Rachel Dolezal   "story".  The story  "about" her that is being presented daily in the news,  but really, more,  the Story she has created as a foundation of her life at this point....Where will she take this Now?   And even the story of the woman who aided the prison break in New York state....story again...her life was going along and she then DID some things that will forever change Her Story.  

and then i look again and again at Jude's post of 6/16  "Gone".  The image she chose to accompany this blog title....Gone.  and then her words she chose too...."I am needed elsewhere".   I love this.

Because Any of Us could say and then enact this at any given moment.  Gone.  I am needed elsewhere.   I could just post the same.  Gone.  I am elsewhere.  and the story of me that i have put here on this blog for the last i don't know how long would be over.  Would be a memory.  ONLY a memory.....for those who might CHOOSE to remember it.  For some,  it would be

Gone.

During the writing of the above,  a phone conversation with Granddaughter who is driving from Chico California to Sacramento to her class...and we talk about the difference between Story and Reality....What IS it?

Yesterday,  at Alz B's son's house,  while i was working,  i saw again the book The Silver Star by Jeannette Walls and i brought it home.   I had loved very much her memoir, Glass Castle.  This book, not a memoir, but fiction falls way short of it,  but....was so much an example of this thread of thought.  A story where One Story is being presented and many characters,  many characters could relate totally DIFFERENT stories of the One set of circumstances.  And it reminds me of something that Susan Whittig Albert wrote about Memoir,  about writing memoir...i will try to find what she wrote because it says precisely what i am looking at ....  about how the Same Story is experienced so differently...this,  but also

the more important thing here, to me is that we can CHANGE the story at any given moment, Entirely.  This story of me,  here with 17 Goats and 2 Dogs and a Cat

can CHANGE.  I can decide i cannot continue with them.  I can put up an ad on Craig's List:  Excellent purebred  herd of Nigerian Dwarf Dairy Goats.  13 does,  4 bucks,  fully tested.  Free to committed persons.  I could do that this week.   I could give Tay back to Jan the dog trainer to rehome.  I could move into town and go to school at the college studying Geology or Hydrology.  I could go back to Michigan to Detroit and live with my old friend Wendy.  I could go to California and set up housekeeping as the Great Grandma.  I could

CHANGE MY STORY.  To the extent that if i didn't TELL my present story to anyone,  in a certain way,  it would not exist anymore.

I LOVE THIS THOUGHT THREAD

really really love it.  It is energizing.   and really, very very Beauty FULL to me.

 

this morning,  there was a really great pale blue color.  I put the pot outside in SUN...hot day,  it heated well,  but when i got back,  the blue was gone and there is a pale green.  Nice,  but not what i was hoping.  Pale green is easy for me to get.  That blue, not.  Hmmmm.

it think it's Kinnikinnick or Indian Tobacco

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BEAUTY Full sky day

and i worked and then went into town to pick this up

 

 

Had thought maybe it might be complicated to hook up,  so wanted to bring it here and figure out before i set it up tomorrow for the Old Cowboy.  But NOT!  Beautiful directions,  clear and a wonderful diagram too.  How GREAT in this day when printed directions are often bizarre.  So,

YAY.  and this is the final piece of the Peace of Mind work of the last weeks.  Ok.  Now we just go.

 

brought in the copper pot and washed

 

added some Cone Flower or Mexican Hat  that Liz used to achieve Blue.  She's gone now for a while but when she gets back,  will talk about it.  I will set it Out Side tomorrow.  This is perfect weather. High 90s,  some 100s in the forecast.  Cloth in.  We'll see.

 

this along the road.  I've never seen it before so will just set the jar Out in the Sun and see if there is color to the water and in the meantime,  look through my Weeds of the West to see if i can identify it.

Tay is doing well i think.   The high dose of pain relief would mask things,  but still,  she is pretty much back to her normal self.   Today is day 3.  Day 5 the dosage is reduced and half the antibiotics gone....then will know more.

 

 

Summer

is Here.  Summer.  During this week,  while i entertained my weaknesses,  Summer came.  What WAS voluptuous out there has begun to wane.   Anything Voluptuous now is native and a lot, weed beings.  All the rest are holding their own.  They need 

attention

i had not given it this last week.  I apologize.   I gave water.  It's twice a week time now.  SUNday and wednesday.  OK.  

Fennel begins to bloom for the Black Swallowtail butterflies,  their magical caterpillars.  

 

some kind of squash Volunteer in the compost

 

MOON is becoming Strong

looking gently at my weaknesses

storming off and on today.  At one point just after noon,  it was 90 degrees.  Right now,  at almost 6pm it's 72.  Storms.  Beauty Full storms.

so amidst these fast moving storms and intermittent BEAUTY FULL SUN TIMES,  i just looked.  I thought about how not all that long ago i frequently referred to  "The Unforseen"....as in ,  baring the Unforseen.....

and i thought about how i no longer have that sensibility.  How the unforseen is more common really than the forseen and the known.  

 

 

When i came to the computer this morning,  it worked like usual for about 2 minutes and then suddenly went OFF.   As did the lamp.   So i checked it all out as best i could and well,  there's NO electricity in this end of the house.   And i just thought, well, OK,  it's happened again.    I'll need to find an electrician.  WIND has continued this year to be more than an Entity of early spring,  has continued to be frequent and fierce.  The walls of this old tin house rattle and shake.  Takes it's toll on wiring.  So...loose again.  OK.  Just get it fixed.  ok.   Went out to the albatross and brought in the big extension which hooks the phone and the computer to the kitchen outlets.  OK.  good enough.

and was able to FEED Tay.  No food, no water last night.  She wondered.  But this morning i could feed her and give her the pills in canned dog food blobs which she didn't mind at all.  As the day went on,  i watched her being able to do things she hasn't been able to do since last Sunday.  She was able to bug Chinche some.  Not a lot, but some.

Chinche has enjoyed her reprieve but is good natured about the return of our old Tay.  

Around noon,  Tay was able to carry her antler around.  Then early evening,  she was able to Bark.  It's hard to tell.  The Rimadyl is both an anti inflamatory and also a pain medication.  So it could be that she is a little better,  OR that she can't feel it so much????....why i don't think much about pain medications.....

So, once again,  stuff is Ok enough in this moment.   I try to use it to understand my responses to things,  to Learn.  

I stitched more moon rings  and 

 

looked at these Rocks.  That i like a Lot.  From what feels to be,  Long Ago

 

my Achilles Heart

animals and pre verbal human beings,  ie babies.   And of Course,  i live with 20 non verbal beings.  OK.

I want to say this first because it's IMPORTANT.  This morning Early,  i got lost in my anxiety and called Jan the dog trainer through whom i got Tay.  Asked her to come.  In case.  I have been beyond remiss in working with Tay to get in and out of vehicles.  I am ashamed.  

So she came.  but we didn't need her.  I was able to put Tay's front feet into the hatch back and then the rest of her.  Done.  At the Vet she    "Waited"  till i told her OK to get out and went in...nose to the ground and sat and waited.  When it came time,  she went off with Crystal through the door.

I can barely stand it.  Writing these words.  How so totally trusting animal beings are.  It's painfull.

This Vet Clinic,  there are two,  husband and wife.  Husband i know some from when he's come about the Goats.,  but wife i do not know but he is "out" for a week,  so her and  Tay likes women anyway so she tried to see inside her mouth in several different ways but no,   Tay wasn't going to.

so i left her and she went off,  so totally trusting of Crystal the Vet Tech with instructions to call back at 2 oclock.

Long story short,  but Important,  Tay behaved so so GREAT!  The vet had known her before i got her a year ago and laughed saying she has come such a long long way since then,  how really great she is.  I was glad for Us.  Me and Her that we have added up to something.

so it required a total anesthesia and what could be seen was Beautiful Teeth and nothing in the gums but  a SWOLLEN gland,  like a tonsil with pock marks and two pock marks on the base of her tongue and NO EXPLANATION for it so we are left here tonight with two pill things,  one Cephalex in  an antibiotic and then Rimadyl an antiinflamatory and directions to let her have 4 icecubes at 7 pm to wet her mouth.

it's a Mystery.

I am SO GLAD that she is Home.  Beyond GLAD.  She's HOME.  and we go from here.

 

 

 

so Much

where does it begin and end or is that just erroneous    thinking ,  there is NO beginning and ending,  but a constant Something like a pulse and we just touch our finger to it and RECEIVE???????

Somewhere in the stuff of the day i see a graduation address of Pico Iyer somewhere in California and i watched it and he mentions several times Leonard Cohen and so i go from there to U tube and L C's

Hallelujah  oh...spelling and i don't know but Who Cares, really and i listen to a few renditions and there is a link to Who Would Guess,   K D Lang who i love so much and a link to KD Lang on Butchness and i watch that and think that i don't care about any of that i just really DO love KD Lang and also Leonard Cohen

and Kelly calls,  Kelly who has the two doe Goats with the scurs and who is planting fruit trees on her OWN land down south of here and is thinking about rattlesnakes and wondering what i would do if i wanted to live there and we talk

and Tay has something wrong with her mouth and tomorrow i will hopefully have her to the Vet by 1o;30 am

maybe

 

the Wolf is beginning to be here