windthread

Joy for some. Others, not so much.

the one wall where nothing was Ever right.    This is.    I couldn't wait,  but Raya and i had planned some work.  I am training her to be my Goat Ranch hand.  A  9 yr old girl is perfect.  So we moved things and then hauled the long piece of cattle panel into Nogal and Tenzen's place and attached it to the existing fence.   The existing fence was achieving a Bulge from their rubbing along it as Goats do to itch them selves.   This will enhance the itching while securing the bulge.  More proactive.    

That done,  i secured with invisible baste,  only the very top edges of the scraps.

 

as i went,  i took out the tie threads.  But this seems to "tame" it.  Might put some back.

 

 

A HUGE STORM DAY and i read a little...Rebecca Solnit.....she's speaking of Writing

"Writing is saying to no one and to every one the things it is not possible to say to someone.  Or rather, writing is saying to the no one who may eventually be the reader those things one has no someone to whom to say them.  Matters that are so subtle,  so personal,  so obscure that i ordinarily can't imagine saying them to the people to whom i'm the closest."

change this to "making"   and "viewer".  Say to Show.

Making is showing to no one and to every one the things it is not possible to say to someone.  Or rather,  making is showing to the no one who may eventually be the viewer, those things one has no someone to whom to show.  Matters that are so subtle, so personal, so obscure that i ordinarily can't imagine showing them to the people to whom i'm the closest".   Yes.

It has been a rainy stormy June.  And now,  Monsoon is early.  Today an intense intense intense Storm and the spadefoot toads woke up.   You can google them  Couch's Spadefoot Toad.  They rise once a year and create an otherworldly sound.  Said to be like the bleating of sheep.  Think hundreds of sheep.  Loud.  It goes on maybe two days and nights as they meet and mate.   Because of the rain through June,  the earth is saturated and there is a good chance that the roadside nursery puddles will remain and if so,  i will try to get a pic or two of their tadpoles that are beyond BeautyFULL , flecks of coppery bronze,  and big...pea size.  So for the toads,  Celebration.

 

For Others,  there is nowhere   nice to lie down.  Standing is the only option unless it's into the Albatross and bedtime is the only time anyone wants to be there.  Or,  during the rain.  So,  there is restlessness and dis-ease with them commenting about that.  Grumpy Goats and SpadeFoot.  It's noisy.   And throughout,  the Mocking Bird couple continue to teach their 4 fledglings the speech.

 

 

 

 

still wondering

after Jude's today's post on Small Journeys,  remembering the Whispering Colors Workshop,

 

these pieces having remained on the Wall since then,  so, remembering 

 

i looked over to the right of me at the envelope of scraps that Patricia,  Followingthread.wordpress.com  sent...small pieces,  she sent them in a letter size envelope,

and without any forethought,  just arranged them like this.   Tied them to the big cloth with just a little piece of thread.   How GOOD it felt to do this,  to look at them this way,  in Community.  I'll leave them on the wall this way and use each as i go along over time....BUT,  still wondering about this Urge to make a figure,

 

How did this feel?    Is / Would it be enough to do this?   Or do i really want to make a 

being?

But then...the "ground cloth" for the Being would be this Place.  This house,  as it is for me.   Thinking.

am letting the wondering sit for now.  

therefore

watching things about the Dalai Lama's 80th birthday,  listening to him,  as i have done for so long,

i hear him say things,  and then a breath,  and then.....Therefore,  and he goes on.

Everything,  it seems,  is associated by   .... Therefore .....

Causation.    

This .....seems to be,  because of the causation of.....this.   Therefore.   I love very much,  how he says things and then says

Therefore

and goes on

 

this is something i care about a lot lately.   These tortillas from the Food Co Op in Albuquerque which come from the Food Co Op in Taos.  These tortillas are to die for.  Thin,  crisp beautyFully in a pan with olive oil and butter.  I cannot 

WAIT

till morning when i make a quesadilla of squash, onion and cilantro,  cheese.  4 days now and i am looking forward to tomorro morning again.  Same thing.  oh, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I dreamed last night about making a 

figure

might be called a doll

might be called a fiber figure

i dreamed it.  And i was excited this morning about that.  As the day went,  the early excitement dwindled to Thinking.

Why?

Why.

Do I REALLY want to do this?   I know how,  have done it in the past.  WHY does this arise now?  Does it really

want to be done?

or,  What?

So...thinking.  Watching.  Thinking more.  Watching more.  What IS it that is moving into the

works of it all

 

 

compassion

Today is the Dalai Lama's Birthday.  He teaches Compassion.  

this is a piece of Deb Lacativa's cloth.   It is Utterly Grand.

 

 

 

the colors and the power and the Energy and the Life of this Cloth,   as it is,  is somewhere between the first photograph and these two...it is difficult to capture really what it IS...

Which is just stunning.

and so

Compassion.   Which maybe is a sister of Mercy.   Thinking.  

I went yesterday.  But no one was home but an outside pit bull and an inside one at a window.  On my way to work in San Antonio this morning,  driving by that little piece of land at the turn where he had put a trailer home some years ago,  maybe 4 or something,  he was Outside.  So i skidded in.  Introduced myself and just went.  Told him i needed some kind of back up plan.  For storms.  And that i'd noticed that he was pretty much around.  And just asked.  Would he be ok with me having a phone number for in case.  For in case of that kind of Storm and having no one home to help.  Would he be ok with that?   And he said

"i'm not a carpenter"  i said ok.

"i can't do a lot."  i said ok.  

I said if you can push against a fence panel.  If you can hold up one end of a 2X6,  that's good.

he said

"ok.  i could do that".

His name is David.  i have his phone number now.  He's close by and he's my plan C.  ok.  Plan C.  Because this last time,  Plan A and B were not available.  Proactive.

And i had a long conversation with Kelly who took the two doe goats.  And i emailed her later,  because i knew i needed to.  When she gets set up down there on her Lavender Ranch,  i am hoping she will take Sonny Ray.  It's time.  Someone who (me) is not breeding Goats doesn't need four bucks.  Probably none,  but for sure, not

 four.  Sunny Ray lives with his father Gideon who is very old for a Nigerian Dwarf Goat but still going.  Sunny Ray,  now in his third year is more and more copping an attitude and giving Gideon a hard time.   Gideon seems to take it in stride,  tho he is crippled.  But it's hard for me.  Buck goats have extensive verbalizations and are very loud.  Hard to listen to.

I haven't heard back from her yet.  I hope for this.  I love Sunny Ray.  He and his sister Cinderella were the first born here and so much loved and held and loved.  He is a good and thoughtfull Goat in his so much buckness.  He would make a good addition for her herd.  

Earlier,  on the way back from my work away in San Antonio,  i went to Old Cowboy's where we practiced using the Morphine Nebulizer.  He needs more practice.  But he practiced.   and he had good results from it...i just called to see.  Good results.

so a day of kindness.  All around.  of trying to see what can make things easier.  yes.

 

 

Gentle SUNday

some quiet storms,  breezes,  Mockingbirds feeding their 4 young in the dead Russian Olive,  Sunny Ray copping an attitude but stopping just short of not good,  doe Goats frisky,  things growing,  things dying.  a day of Mercy all around.

 

just Putting things.  I would carry the pods all around,  put them in every photograph, their Beauty is so overwhelming to me

 

this is the Fruit Beetle that all those Big White Grubs of last year's compost turn into.  I like to call them Flying Olives.  They are the size of an olive.   There are SOME now.  From that bumper crop of grubs last year,  i would have expected zillions.  But i clearly don't know much at all about how it goes.  Only some.  The Birds eat them.  This one just died for whatever reason to the right of the back porch.  Ants are  eating it.

 

the Underside

a lot of sitting with Goats day

no particular reason,  but i did.  On the back porch.  They took turns on the porch with me,  but Mercy took the most turns.  It's how she is.

and i finished a 4 page letter to my friend Wendy   (from 7th grade)  who lives in Detroit.

 

and i want to put this here AGAIN because i want to remind to double click it...just so Elegant a Being,  this Plant

 

adding a couple things.  This could go on for ever,  the adding

 

and i could add more.  It might be more "finished" in an orthodox sense,  and yes,  the commercial cloth IS beauty FULL,  but am thinking i want to wait until this year's walnut vat is working and maybe i would really feel best about that.  I think so.  So, i'll wait.  Check the walnuts out this coming week.

 

changed this around many ways,  but no matter,  it's still a Blue that isn't a blue that i can be ok with.

 

the rocks, i love

 

a piece of cloth from Patricia,  to me, a Moth

 

Yes.  ok.  Yes.
 

Tay and Chinche experiencing the 4th of July in the United States of America.  Fireworks.  Consuming alcohol.  Loud.   I guess Happiness???  who am i to judge?    But animals,  dogs, Goats,  become uneasy.  

tender Mercies

a Perfect day, really.  How i would wish All days might be.  CLOTH DAY.

that began with the Annual Native Sunflower Ritual,  here at an odd angle,  but i liked it

 

 

 

 

a Fiesta of Sorts

 

but then,  in the midst of stitching,

 

i went to get this.   This is a Cloth i bought from Jude Hill at the "beginning".  Near the beginning of when i found Spirit Cloth.   It is BEYOND an extraordinary work of art.  At the time,  i was stunned by it.  I still am.

 

i looked today.  Years have gone by.  Here we are,  Together.  Me,  what i've learned and made from it.  Different.  but Of.

and i found this.   a few days ago,  i'd wondered what happened to it.   It was in the drawer.   Of all the cloths,  this is one that is a Self Portrait.

 

 

I'll finish it and send it to Grand Daughter for her birthday.  Her Gramz.   I am approaching my 70th birth day.  This is me.  Old.  Finally.  I am Old...soon...not till November,  but that is soon.  So here we Go.  Into Oldness.

 

and Deja Vu,  exactly one week since THE STORM,  another,  from the East again.  Climate Change showing it's face.  This time not so severe,  more familiar with Great Lightning and Thunder...then rain.  But not the Crazyness of before.  I stood at the door watching this time.  Dogs and cat alert.  I said...ok then.  This is the best we have to offer here.  We can think of nothing better to Do or Be.  Here we are.  

This years pods from Doris' Snake Tree,  the Locust.  These,  it seems,  my favorite colors.

 

Close to finished.  Here,  on a backing of commercial cloth that i lucked upon at the Thrift Shop.  Tho commercial,  it is also very grand.  Do I????? 

don't know.

we'll see.

same thing

Old Cowboy Day again.  Only the afternoon tho.  Morning, many small small stitches.

the last of the Eggplant.   From seeds,  planted indoors in late February.  Many didn't germinate.  Those that did,  dwindled.  This was the last and only.  Afraid to put it out because of so many kinds of "weather" but finally did the other day,  after the STORM,  in a large landscape pot that is some protected from constant SUN.   It's ONE single original leaf is drying away,  but it has two new ones from just being Out for days.   I hope for Mercy to be allowing

cucumber in near pot.  All of the direct seeded were eaten.  This one more Try in the pot.  Looks hopefull, doesn't it.

Dark Dark Sky.  Storm coming,  has just fallen over the Rim into This Way.  But a familiar Storm from the West.

more Mercy

these are just thoughts that got written down as they came.  Pretty much one sentence at a time as i worked with this Cloth through the day.  Thoughts about Mercy

Mercy ...not directly connected to anything...but naturally occuring,  like "air".

the two words,  Mercy and Grace are associated with Acts/Actions/Responses in human terms,  but this is not how i am thinking.

Maybe Gravity might be the greatest Mercy for this planet.  That it IS,  first,  and that it Continues.

Mercy might be the spontaneous occuring of Everything.   Of Everything we know to "be".

Mercy is larger than Everything but also OF Everything.  Mercy is unknowable.

Mercy is indifferent,  just Occurs.   And this reminds me of Trungpa talking about Basic Goodness, but in this case,  not even "goodness"...just a basic What Is.   "It is not for or against, in the same way that sunlight is not for or against".

It might be good to look for examples as they arise.  The first of which might be that storm last Friday.   That simply manifested   out of  a combined set of specific atmospheric conditions.  Maybe the storm was in itself a Kind of Mercy that allowed discharge of wild atmospheric phenomenon and still let Life live?

I'd like to let my sense of a "Self" as an entity separate,  become a part OF.   No separation.  The Micro Burst,  us here,  just parts of the One movement in time.

thinking about Grace and Mercy....to me....Grace is a benevolence.  Mercy tho is of nothing,  is Wildness,  having no "relationship" to/with....but incompassing All,  or  CONSISTING OF ALL.  All known and All unknown.

I watch the Sam Baker video.   Mercy,  in that it all "works".  Over and Over and Over...continuing,  or in our words here in Jude's Cloth world,  just going.  Maybe it's the Goingness.  Maybe Mercy is just Life its self.

All the above,  just Wonderings.    I still haven't gotten to the "core" of the Wonder.  

small changes that took all day