windthread

How everything is Relative

a morning.  Slow and steady movement,  the Giving of Water to all the yard plant people

 

the huge gratitude for this Bell Pepper.  so hard to grow here but there are 4 plants and all have blossoms...this one....a pepper maybe the size of a grape.

 

Again

 

it happens every year.  I don't know their Other Form,  their B selves.  But they come and in no time the leaves of all the SunFlowers will be skeletal.

 

 

Washing out the Bucks water bowls with a scrubbie and vinegar,  all the while talking to Gideon who came to rest by the fence.

 

he likes to kiss.  Breath to breath.

 

and more stitching.   All the "petals" are stitched in place as much as they will be.  I think about cellular memory,  about the Dreaming,  that is like the blueprint of a sacred repetition and more recently,  epigenetics as described in the On Being interview with Rachel Yehuda.

How we know what we must become in this circle around.  August.

 

from another Point of view

August O August

Everything.  August is Everything.   A new bud,   a seeding bloom,  a Blossom.  Everything.  All at once.  How amazing.  How totally amazing.  Every year,  August sends me to my knees.

 

Windy,  so unclear.  Maybe in the morning, i'll try again,  but the first to blossom are going to seed.  Any day now the finches will arrive and one FINE,  oh SO fine morning i will hear that two noted clear clear flutelike sounding of the Wild Canary....this two noted sound so piercingly tender....  Any day now...i wait...am so so tuned for it

 

and back.   Back to stitching and breathing.   The deep satisfaction of this.  Breathing in,  Breathing out,  needle in,  needle out.   I love.  So Much.

 

a day off?

Not really.  Care giver comotion.

 

from out in the garage...this small pad of paper on a shelf

 

 

Her.  from when i was small

 

the  young ones called.  Came.  to FIX the fence for the Back Oasis.  All other Goats went to the middle Place.   Except Snowbunny,  who officiated and watched and kept track

 

midway through,  she rested in her sand nest,  but still.....watched.

 

 i looked at buttons

 

 

 

 

 

 

they finished.  Perfect.    Tree.  Bush.  Safe.

Beauty

there have been three insect beings that i have never seen before.  

 

this One

 

 

3 inches...antennae to butt

 

 

What an extraordinary Being....

First was in the house...on the window in the Room and i caught h/ir in a jelly glass and sent away OutSide.   But then,  when i pulled the Doe's water tub aside to empty it yesterday, ...there s/he was.  Under the tub.  Why?   Still.  I don't think the pulling of the tub killed h/ir.  Maybe.  Yesterday,  i just walked away.  Couldn't think more.  No room in me to think more but today,  when i pulled the tub to empty again........

 

i got a piece of cottonwood bark from that big stump and set h/ir on it.  Brought in and looked.  Looked.  Set on the wood stove with the Shakyamuni Buddha.   

What an extraordinary Being.  Tomorrow i will take more pics of it's wings, especially.  Glorious.  and for me...in this moment...a sign.  When my kids wondered about God,  i always would say stuff about how i have to keep thinking there IS some kind of UltraFineIntelligence of some sort that LOVES 

Beauty

Why else would there be such amazing and extraordinary manifestations????   There could just be  well,  brown insects that brown birds could eat.  Brown animals that would eat brown birds.  Plain.  Food to Food.

But no.

Not at all.  There is this just fantastic amazement,  Everywhere,  repeating.  WHY?????  don't know.  But it's something about BEAUTY.

one more day, i hope

Eddie asked if he could trim some low branches of Old Cowboy's tree,  said sure.  Since,  there is something i noticed on the yard there,  looked like maybe a wad of dryer lint and today i walked over to see....

 

 

Hummingbird nest.  I've never seen one in person before.   It's very thick and extremely soft inside.  I will look more closely in the morning.  This evening,  i am depleted.

the B side, shadow, Frazey Ford, Done.

so...the B side of the SunFlower as she faces East,  her countenance up lifted to Sun on the Rise

and the "magic" stuff,  glowing blue green.  Just be fore i left yet again this morning.  Just see it and go..and to all who by necessity work full time,  rise to leave to make their living each day,  i send Love because it is not how IT wants it to be.  We know that.  but we keep leaving.  Like i left today.

 

 

 

diamond and a dot.  Dot not there yet.  Waiting for soft and empty moment

 

two days in a row...there,  at 6 oclock.  Garden Toad.  BIG.  at the base of the cucumber pot.  second day in a row.  ok

 

i say...Please Wait!,  like last night and run for the camera and yes...waiting,  so ok.

How beautyFULL,  the eyes.  The PeaceFULLness the gentleness.  The willingness to Wait.

and FRAZy FORd....Done.

over in the right,  side bar and also be sure to note that you can click bottom right, Full Screen.

I watch this.  over and over and try to see what all,  what ALL i love about it.  Don't know yet,  but a reviewer said that it's " The Anthem for calling it quits".    It rose up again for me during this Old Cowboy time,  but really is only indirectly referential to him and that scenario,  but well...also applies,   in that it's a Claiming.  A claiming of self.????

"my joy,  my joy takes nothing from you"

what do these words mean for me??????????  my joy,  my joy takes nothing from you

those words,  but then...the All of it and i think,,,,,,How BEAUTY FULL are Women.  Watching them here,  how just so tenderly Beauty Full is womanhood.  the complexity of it all,  the complexity of Us...and including all of Us who appear here...women.  Women.  How we have so much.  And choose

choose

to Give it

and after the goingness of the giving,  we begin to Learn.

 

 

to be Honest

i just wrote a long Thing about how the day went and then somehow obliterated it and i am going to take that as a sign that i didn't need to write it here.  

But just to say...it's a lot more complicated than  it might appear here and there is MUCH ambivalence and today he rallied and was more his usual self and it was difficult.  I am not such a kind and loving person as it might appear.  The truth is that he is a sentient being.  For whatever reason,  we find ourselves where we are today.  But just to make the picture True,  to what it IS,  there is great  ambivalence....many feelings...which do not preclude Compassion.

and i woke last night.  Goats were all awhirl,  all awake,  moving,  in the middle of the night.   Went out with the flashlight...nothing amiss...but they were AWAKE and MOVING.  All of them.  Tay and i sat a while and i looked up and the SKY,  the SKY was INTENSE with dark dark darkness and Clouds.  I tried to take a pic but it wouldn't happen.  The camera is having issues.  But i have never seen a Night Sky like that one.

 

one more mend

 

i didn't cut away the "frays",  just stitched them in and left a tail of them free

 

so two more major mends ahead.  and then,  you can see here,  that arm hole situation...that too

I am over at his house till Monday,  days,    so,  maybe.

Went OUT.  Tired.  Not physically,  but emotionally.  Drained.  and gave water to Goats,  to the vegetable people and was given this gift of

beingness

 

 

 

this is Love.

watering.  said...Please...wait for me...and ran in for the camera.  He waited.  I snapped and snapped and the camera isn't working great anymore and they were blurry and i went back Out and he had waited again and as i tried so hard to take a clear image,  he turned his face to me...turned his face to me and i didn't catch that,  but he did.  and this.    This is Love.

 

 

what.

so.  Mending.   This is my favored yard dress this year.  The denim is so worn,  it's not at all like denim anymore,  just a soft cloth that breathes.   I put that pic the other day of the first mend.  There are for sure 3 more.   And then the arm holes where there Were sleeves,  but i'd removed them long ago,  but left the holes raw and they have worn in odd ways with washing.  I'll do something with that too.  Then we should be Good,  for a Good Long Time.  

So to take this with me today.  ok.

but i looked at the buttons...some generic ones,  utilitarian,  but for The Yard Dress of the Year...????   Buttons.

 

 

Mother of Pearl.  Fitting.  7 of them.   As far as i got.   He slept most of the day,  semi waking off and on and having something to say.  Some of which i understood,  some not.  His voice was soft.  The TV  is on just behind where i squat next the bed to listen.    Off and on he would want to sit up and use the urinal,  well,  not use the urinal,  but he wanted to pee,  which meant using the urinal.  Those times i would encourage staying sitting up a while.   But his question was,  What do we do Now?  i would not answer,  just be quiet.  One of those times he took off the ring that had belonged to his father and said  This is for you.   I said i would give it to Diane,  his "daughter",  but he said" no,  it's for you.  You helped me find it."  Which i had,  several months ago when it had come off his finger and we searched for days.  Finally finding it far back in the corner under his bed.  With the help of a flashlight.   He seems Elsewhere,  but remembers things very clearly.  

Today a schedule was reached between 3 caregivers for the next While.  All the hours are covered.  When i go will be Extra...an extra person,  care wise,  but to me,  to continue.  To Just Go.  Be the same old Face.   There is a feeling that he is ready.  Or beginning to do the work of ready.  OK.

 

before i left i did this as Blessing...pods from Doris' Snake Tree.

What am i thinking.  So much.  But really...it's most feeling like an affirmation of Karmic work.  The whole of it...might be called karmic obligation.  But obligation or not,  it feels necessary,  it feels as some kind of Given.  A Given to learn more.  A Given to move Through something.  There is some kind of freedom on the other side.

It was a good day.

 

 

 

 

What i didn't finish saying.....

Tears.   and this was part of the conversation with Wendy too.  That i don't cry.

I don't cry.

I have never cried.  ever.

Maybe i cried as a small child?  I don't know.  I don't remember if i did.

Did i cry as an infant?  I will never know.

 

i was gifted this.   It arrived FedX  last week.   i just look at it.  i haven't even taken one pencil out to "see".   I have just looked.    Lynda Merry of the blog,  i wonder,   has used them on cloth.  

i took some laundry with me today,  sheets, really,  to use the washer and dryer there...get it done.   there is so little

time

and i took "Her",  whoever she IS to me,  thinking i would stitch.  But when i got there i knew i didn't want Her in that vibe.  She had to stay outSide in the car all day.  I opened the windows so there would be some good air.  But i couldn't bring Her In.  couldn't.

watching Snowbunny dig her dust nest deeper and deeper and watching the rest of the nosing around in it and then also digging...

digging,  for Goats can indicate a need for minerals.   I have been lax in taking out Free Choice minerals for them.  Goats need/want copper among other minerals.  They don't do salt licks either like other livestock.  it's Free Choice minerals they need...comes like this.  They come and go from it,  just licking it out.  crunching.  i like the sound,  their crunching.

 

OOna was the first to come

then Arctica,  the only doe Goat here with natural horns

tears

had a conversation with Wendy Golden Levitt a couple or a few or more days ago about being

Stoic

about the shadow side of that

have been thinking.

and today,  a degree of nightmare,  the Old Cowboy having 

fallen

last night.  His neighbor who goes over to "tuck him in" found him on the floor.  Fallen.  on the floor.  He didn't call me,  i don't know why,  so i found out about it this morning when i showed up.

So,....so...Stuff has moved into a different realm now.  

A day of frantic calling to voice mails for anyone who might be willing to help and no answers back and on and on and i am cancelling my work for the day and just staying there because there was no alternative but it drawing closer and closer to 3 oclock when the Goats have been "tuned" to pellets and rely on me,  rely on me,  rely on me and rely on me

and

and well...so much.

really, so much.  While i was sitting there and the Old Cowboy snoozing in his hospital bed,  and it nearing nearing nearing 3 oclock when i am THERE for these Goats,  and thinking....Goats/a person....who gets it?  Who gets what is necessary and i couldn't LEAVE but also i couldn't STAY

and no one, NO ONE was calling back who might Relieve me until suddenly i got through to BE LovEd  Eddy who said ok and yes...he would come.  and he did.  and i was able to come HOME,  some late,  but still

HOME

and i was hit flat in the face about how much i am coupled with HOME,  with the necessity here and Tay,  having been patient for her own limit shoves her face into my lap and EXHALES a HUGH exhale because i am finally Here

WHAT IS ALL THIS??????????????????????????????????????????????

WHAT IS IT?

 

the first of the Yellow Hots...Weda's.  that's phonetic...weda...Wedo...spanish  for light,  "blondie" light skinned.  I would be called Wedda..phonetic,  blondie.  The first Pepper.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee