The day had a different quality somehow. And everytime i begin to try to find words for it, i know that they are just words, words "trying" .... so i can't say much, but there was a Feeling of slow motion.
The Tuesday work away job and then Old Cowboy's for a kind of Quality Assurance check by the Nursing Supervisor of Hospice, to determine whether or not they can extend his care. Then to the court house to prepay his property taxes for this year, to the Insurance company to try to pay his homeowners insurance but they never got back from lunch for over 45 minutes so i just came home. Nap. and waking,
just Looking
some beginning stitches on the second pouch. And some more, but it all somehow felt like slow motion. Just now before sitting down here, i got to taking the sheets off the clothes line and usually i might have thought....it's LATE! and just now i'm taking these down. But instead i found myself thinking what a perfect time it was to be taking the sheets off the clothes line, it having begun to darken, a slight wind, the Goats having finished their evening feed and coming to stand under the clothes line with me and after that i filled the water bowls as even more dark came, but it was somehow that kind of slow motion. I like it.
more from the book:
"Time carries everything toward what has been, toward the past. That's where we're headed, to join all who have come before. The weather of time is blustery, reversing and scattering, but the past is the ...current...of time. Ah, modern life is a hard one to live through. We bank on the future. We keep our options open. We trade on potential. In our busyness and in our spare time we are crafting antidotes to this current of time, little weirs to contain the past and what it means for us now.
When was the last time you stood anywhere for a moment and saw that what you meant and felt and how you loved and lost and what you said and held off saying might already have become waves lapping somewhere else, washing up upon a shore you've already passed by, where someone else is standing.....
It could turn into your prized possession, having learned the endurance of what you did, the willingness to know how it is, and the skills of living accordingly. "
