windthread

how maybe "ordinary" might come to be?

Thinking.  What if i just temporarily fence in this space between the buck yards for ...breeding moments???   From the Albatros on the left to the single Tpost on the right...the one after you can see the line of their white tops?  Right there,  at the long single T post is a roll of fencing that i have used before to close off this part,  but for other reasons.

 

Gideon and Flash's yard on one side

 

Nogal and Tenzen's on the other

 

the pile of scrap wood in the middle

 

Maybe i can weed through it and consolidate it.  Or get rid of it all.  Or.  But i pulled and hauled the Kochia weed forest and it's clear.   If i used this space to breed,  I would bring a doe Goat into it,  then let Nogal out of his gate that is Inside the temporary fencing.  Let Nogal out...keep Tenzen In.  They,  Nogal and the doe would be right there,  under Tenzen's nose so to speak and it would be hard for him to have to just watch.  But if i get it right,  it only takes a few minutes, really,  if the doe is ready and will stand.  Nogal has never done it before,  just in his imagination,  but i think he will be fine.  It's judging the readiness of the doe.  I did it before,  so i think, i can do it again.  Sad for Tenzen but Oh Well,  he did have his turn last year at Jan's and many times before.  It's Nogal's turn.

more

 

and then really more

 

and too,  i was over at debbie's Place...  debbie-weaver.blogspot.com  where she was Wondering.  And it was really great because her Wondering caused me to find the book that has been in mind for a while

 

 

Mary Lee Fulkerson

 

Sue Smith

 

Betz Salmont

 

Gammy Miller

I have loved this book for so long.  Paper making.  I don't make paper.  but when i was doing the Gourds,  i looked here.  and somewhere a while ago,  i remembered it and thought about how it might happen with cloth????   For me,  they would be Shelters.   

So...debbie's Wondering reminded me and now i am filled again with Maybe's.  Maybe i could.

Cloth and salt cedar twigs?????

Thank You, Debbie

 

 

 

Gentle day

i'd brought this coat rack home from the Old Cowboys.  Really,  there is no where to put it,  but i want it because i am tired of all my  "transitional" clothes hanging on that hook , obstructing the hallway to the bedroom.  This time of year till spring,  i have 3 kinds of clothes....regular going clothes,  Goat clothes,  going into town clothes.  It's like when i was a kid.  when you get home from school,  you take off those school clothes and put on play clothes.  Like that.  And i have no washing machine here,  so i wear things over and over,  even the stinky Goat Work clothes.   So.  Here we are.  in the Bathroom.  Kind of a tight fit,  but really,  very functional.  Will leave it a while.  See how it goes.

 

a lot of stitching.  The feeling of this pouch...because of the doubled silk noile...............

 

Alyssia brought the drum in.  Her sleep patterns are not patterns and peculiar only to her.  I could hear her playing it in the dark.

 

 

this Cloth,  earth pouch,  called Birthright,  for all the just borns

 

and last but very much not at all least,  SunnyRay got loaded up this morning by me and Jan and since i can't yet lift a lot with the fence crushed shoulder,  i'd enlisted the great fence making kid,  young man really,  who IS my new neighbor over there in the horse pasture to the East,  i'd enlisted him to help load into the truck.  SunnyRay weighs probably 70 lbs.   It was pouring rain.  We unloaded at Jan's,  a reluctant SunnyRay until he caught a whiff of her does and trot along he did and into the yard with Nougat and Spice and it was a Whirl,  his Dream come true that he didn't even know How to dream,  but now he will.  He will be there till Spring and then we'll see.  

For now though,  and what makes it the most Gentle of Gentle Days,

 

 

 

 

Tay has this very soft Sob of Longing.  She so much Wants contact with this One  and over time, she will.  I'll train him to lead so when the kids are here,  they can take him Around with them.  Wethers are WonderFull in this way  (neutered males),  so Willing for anything,  no hormonal NEED and the other "natural Goats",  Does and Intact Bucks don't mind.    It's a great life,  a Wether's.

 

and Gideon can spend the rest of his days,  no matter,  with a Friend rather than as it's been with a young and virile  son who wants him to be a doe and knocks him around.  This makes me so so happy. Alyssia spent a lot of time with Gideon.  Petting him,  talking with him.  He was in heaven.   This is just so so so and more SO good.

and i forgot to say his name.  Jumpin Jack Flash.

 

 

 

 

 

Letting

i woke this morning to an email from Patricia because she couldn't comment through typepad last night.  (and i couldn't either.  it's how it is someTimes)  but what she said is important.  Of All of Us, including me,  Patricia is the best Looker.  She double clicks and scans and looks Close.  She notices.  She takes Time.  

 

she said:

"just spent time hanging out here..in these wonderful rooms full of amazing things.  remembering the first time i saw this book...sabine's notebook...how absolutely amazed i was...how i kept wondering "what IS this?"  so thrilled with it.

and now...i wonder about the suitcase on the chair and think perhaps it's storage?  and the fly swatter...a training tool?   and it goes on and on...the things that are woven into your life.  the hole in the indigo and the shirt on the chair.  the weaving on the wall over the couch...where he slept...what did it catch?  I'm so enamored with Alyssia yet find self wanting to know more about him.  and thinking that 2 days w/o using...how addicted could be be?

just all these things...noticing.  and holding you in my heart as we go through our days."

Patricia Spangler   followingthread.wordpress.com

and she slowed me.   slowed me sloooowed me.   I went back to this pic and looked through her eyes at what i live with.  Through her eyes and her Asking.  I LOVE her Asking.  

i think about slow.  think about Asking.  How i might go slower and Ask more.  Not just GO.  but be in the place of just going.

Sabine's notebook...Why DID i pull it from the shelf?,  hand it to Alyssia?  We never got to it,  but what might i have been thinking?  I think i was wanting her to see something of someone who has a mind beyond and beyond the Usual....as her's is,  and as sometimes she has concerns about.  Sabine's Notebook remains for me after all these years,  just a Mystery.   a Mystery.  Some things are.

the suitcase on the chair is Jeff's.  It's stuff he brought here that had  meaning to him,  that he was worried might be lost where he was keeping them.  Such a strange collection of stuff inside.  And added to it things he found at the Old Cowboy's the day he was there with Alyssia and i.  What he chose to add to his Own Stuff.  things like  Cuff Links,  a trout belt buckle.  Keys and some watches.

the hole in the indigo,  taken to be a Moon but then the cloth with a hole,  what it can become

the weaving on the Wall...Tay's Weaving...   What DID it catch?  They All slept under it...Jeff,  Ashley, the baby, Alyssia.  What is Caught in it and i realize that i need to do some work with this Catcher  that Tay made,  that i Want to.

the shirt on the chair....Fate's onesie with a monkey that got left behind

and two days.  Now it is going on six.   Things are not good but he is staying sober so he can watch out for the baby.  This is a question i asked myself,  and shared with Alyssia as i talk still constantly from California.  

Morning....this clasp thing,  this catcher thing from Old Cowboy's

 

going to Feed....passing the ROCKS...seeing how i need to learn this camera'

 

 

truck with Grass Hay, covered by tarp last night because of maybe Rain,  but tarp blew sideways which was ok cause there wasn't rain

 

unloaded and stacked.

 

Beginning of Winter Camp,  2015

 

 

 

first fire.

 

flat

while waiting for word this morning,  i fooled with  the new camera.   just random nothings,

 

 

 

 

and it really is ok.

 

i think this Cloth is hard to photograph because of the varied intensities of the different fragments.  To get one or two right,  others  are "off".  Change it and it's a repeat with other scraps.  But the camera will be just very much ok.  

and then....They didn't take him,  the Rehab place,  because his urine was clean.   He had stayed at a relatives the two days before,  no chance to use.  Clean urine.  Methamphetamine is out of your system  after 24 hours.   So no.  

She was dirty with alcohol so they will take her on Monday.  

So, now what.

Stitched a little,  but mostly just held the Cloth,  Felt the Cloth.  Looked.  Thought about how simple it is here,  just me,  the Goats, dogs, cat,  People of the land,  and how much commotion there's been about someone's choices.   Sat on the Raft a while.  Now,  am going to go to sleep early and just begin again tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

it's Quiet

Tay waits at the gate for her to return,  not knowing she's left.  Flying back to California.  

How different our lives were for these two weeks....that seem like much longer, that really began with the Old Cowboy's active dying,  his death and then his Absence.  And really,  i guess Everything before that,  all our lives?     It's all part of the Whole,  isn't it.  yes.  

Tonight i feel completely porous.   Very light,  insubstantial.  Maybe like gauze.   I feel like gauze.  There are a trillion moments i want to remember,  to replay,  to see how they went,  one to another. To not remember all of them would be a great loss.  

I want to replay witnessing Alyssia,  the GrandDaughter,  my grand daughter,  so skillfully move inside an almost impossible situation.  The buddhists call it Skillful Means.   I want to re watch her,  her innate intuitive skillful means.  Enhanced, yes,  by her studies...Human Services....but this is way more.  This is a gift.  I watched her look quietly for any solid ground and then set the Guylines.  I watched her wait.  Quiet.  Just Waiting.  Doing what was needed as it arose,  but just so much.

There were Many people involved in it all,  many.  Sisters, Grandmothers, Grand father,  brothers, partners and lovers of them,  and all the fringe of the drug community that we have no idea about.

at the CENTER,  this baby human being,  so vulnerable,  meaning so many different things to so many people

I watched her set those guylines.  Firm.  Then let everyone begin to spin,  to throw threads.  Some taking hold.  Some not.  Some holding a while,  but then not.  How she would take hold of some and attach them,  weave them in,  let others fall away.  Quietly with no judgement, no personal ego.  She

wove

she watched for what might be strong and wove the loose ends in.  Firm.

And from it all,  which was really,  24 hours a day for the last several days,  the plan.   The beginnings of the enactment of the Plan that somehow Everyone feels they can be a part of.   They go to the Drug   Rehab Center  in Santa Fe.  Begin there.  The baby who i call Fate is with the aunt who at this point is thinking to take him to Alyssia and her mother in California in 2 weeks or so,  where he will stay until the second segment of the rehab program which can continue from Sacremento,  both parents and the baby in that.  

This is how it stands in the moment.  Many things can change.  But the very Best we could imagine has been imagined and set into motion.  So now we just wait.

 

all the While,  Cloth waits too.  And somehow in the midst of it,  the black and white that for me represents some kind of Natural Order,  has become diagonal.  Tomorrow i can stitch.  I long for this.

 

 

 

 

experiment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWEszRR3Ucc&feature=em-share_video_user   

Intervention

she left this morning to take the baby to the mother's Mother's home.  There was a LOT of phone conversation between that Grandmother and her.  Ok.  Plans were made.   If the mother showed up as she said she was going to,  the Grandmother would call the police and insist on a drug test before letting the mother take the child.  The "father",  my grandson was incommunicado.  ok.    Since then, which was about 11 oclock,  much has transpired.  Both the mother and the "father"  have agreed to rehab.  We'll see.  They,  Alyssia,  her brother, the "father" and the mother of the baby are on their way here as i write this.  They will spend the night and Alyssia will take them in the morning to do what they need to do to set  "treatment" into motion.  Treatment being either here in N Mex or in California.  Either way.  The baby will be left here with the maternal grandmother or Alyssia will take him to California on Tuesday.  Either way.  Tonight will decide.  Will decide some stuff.  The DNA results on tomorrow or Tuesday will give other contributing factors.  If he,  the baby,  is not my grandson's child,  then we,  this family,  have no leg to stand on.  Only the mother.  If he IS my grandson's child,  he CAN be claimed.

 

 

 

Either way.  This Being.   This Human Being,  born,  living,  is

elegant

 

 

 

for the two nights and three days we had him,  he was nothing but RESPONSE.  So fine tuned.  So AWARE.  So just perfect and Fine.  

So vulnerable.

If i could name him,  i would name him Fate.  

He showed up to them,  to All of Us.  He presented.  He presents.  

What to say?  born to two methamphetamine addicted, previously capable and just fine and ok human beings,  but who are now so lost in their addiction that they have no minds left to make their way.  Their own ways,  let alone something for him.

 

and i don't know how to work the new camera yet.  There's been no space for the learning,  but i go back and forth past this Earth Pocket Cloth and ask it to hold me.  Ask it to wait for me till this part is over for the Time Being,  till i am alone again,  inside my solitary and plain life,  and as i ask that,   i know that my solitary and plain life that holds endless time for Cloth Making is only Part of It all.  Not the Whole of it.  The Whole of it is about Love.  Cloth being Part of that Love,  but there is so much More and 

Nothing can be denied.

 

 

 

him and us. second day, second night

a mechanical swing

 

Tay feels the need to be constantly Alert.  Any small sound.  She must check.  

 

 

so. as i am. Blunt.

 

He doesn't have a name yet.  No birth certificate.  He is three weeks old.  There was a DNA test today because his mother is unsure.  But the truth is,  neither his mother or my grandson, the maybe father,  are capable of caring for him.  So,  who will?

 

 

 

Old Cowboy

so,  Felicia the Care Giver and her daughter came.  Then,  Jonathan too, Felicia's son,   the other end time Care Giver.  and they took things they could use....in their three different households.  Beds, shelves, pretty much.  Dishes.

 

i kept saying how about This???  and they kept saying,  uh,  well, no.   no and no.   Here it is,  squashed next to the bin of dog food and the big wall table made of a door.  I really have no idea what i could use it for,  or where it really could Be here,  in this house.  But it kept being hard for it to have no meaning,  no use,  so Alyssia stuck it in the trunk of her rental car and here it is.   It probably was his most Important household component.  It was to his left as he sat at that kitchen table for the last several years.  All the drawers were filled in a very specific and organized way with his wallet,  check book,  stamps,  return labels for envelopes, envelopes,  rubber bands,  pocket knives,  tweezers,  relatively recent birthday and christmas cards,  batteries,  paper clips,  vitamins,  keys, photographs from over the years,  fishing lures,  various bits of hardware,  and the bottom drawer,  all the important Current papers for his life.   He knew where every single thing could be found.

Until the last maybe 6 months.  It had become ify.

But it was the File  for Everything Important.

I really don't want it.  But i also really can't just let it Go,  in this moment.