Tay waits at the gate for her to return, not knowing she's left. Flying back to California.
How different our lives were for these two weeks....that seem like much longer, that really began with the Old Cowboy's active dying, his death and then his Absence. And really, i guess Everything before that, all our lives? It's all part of the Whole, isn't it. yes.
Tonight i feel completely porous. Very light, insubstantial. Maybe like gauze. I feel like gauze. There are a trillion moments i want to remember, to replay, to see how they went, one to another. To not remember all of them would be a great loss.
I want to replay witnessing Alyssia, the GrandDaughter, my grand daughter, so skillfully move inside an almost impossible situation. The buddhists call it Skillful Means. I want to re watch her, her innate intuitive skillful means. Enhanced, yes, by her studies...Human Services....but this is way more. This is a gift. I watched her look quietly for any solid ground and then set the Guylines. I watched her wait. Quiet. Just Waiting. Doing what was needed as it arose, but just so much.
There were Many people involved in it all, many. Sisters, Grandmothers, Grand father, brothers, partners and lovers of them, and all the fringe of the drug community that we have no idea about.
at the CENTER, this baby human being, so vulnerable, meaning so many different things to so many people
I watched her set those guylines. Firm. Then let everyone begin to spin, to throw threads. Some taking hold. Some not. Some holding a while, but then not. How she would take hold of some and attach them, weave them in, let others fall away. Quietly with no judgement, no personal ego. She
wove
she watched for what might be strong and wove the loose ends in. Firm.
And from it all, which was really, 24 hours a day for the last several days, the plan. The beginnings of the enactment of the Plan that somehow Everyone feels they can be a part of. They go to the Drug Rehab Center in Santa Fe. Begin there. The baby who i call Fate is with the aunt who at this point is thinking to take him to Alyssia and her mother in California in 2 weeks or so, where he will stay until the second segment of the rehab program which can continue from Sacremento, both parents and the baby in that.
This is how it stands in the moment. Many things can change. But the very Best we could imagine has been imagined and set into motion. So now we just wait.
all the While, Cloth waits too. And somehow in the midst of it, the black and white that for me represents some kind of Natural Order, has become diagonal. Tomorrow i can stitch. I long for this.
