this is unnecessary and probably inappropriate to put here, but in the name of Transparency, i think, So What.
Spent the day at the Old Cowboy's house. It's Done. A modest amount in the center of the garage to go to the dump. A lot of cardboard boxes to smash and tie for recycle. Otherwise....except for his brand new lightweight transport wheelchair and his beloved wheeled walker thingy that go to Hospice this next week, everything is gone. Well, a small box of his slippershoes, his teeth. His glasses. I was going to bring them home today. They will be buried at the Raft here, but somehow, it was a Not Yet. So they wait there. I don't know for what.
Outside there is now a real estate sign with a "lock box" for the key to the house...to
show
Feelings.
So unless something changes, which it probably won't, his
Home
will be sold.
The money from that will go to my GrandDaughter Alyssia. For Whatever.
There is some other money. That will be divided between my daughter, son and floundering grandson.
Hopefully, there will be enough that i will buy that piece of property next door to me. My buffer against the world. We'll see.
And when it's over and Done, i can go back to being me. Whoever me is.
During the Dust Bowl, Old Cowboy's mother and father, Leroy and Flossie, set out from Clayton New Mexico for Colorado. They arrived at Steam Boat Springs and with the help of someone, bought land and a small herd of cattle. They were "bankrolled". They lived and raised that herd to a very very Good herd. They raised their only child, the Old Cowboy, who was from birth challenged by significant physical handicaps. But they taught him and he learned. Then Leroy just died one day, on the couch in their livingroom. Old Cowboy, in his 40's and his mother Flossie kept the ranch going. It wasn't easy. And when Flossie died, Old Cowboy, in his early 60's sold that ranch to become ski runs and condominiums. He floated down here to Socorro New Mexico and that's where our story began.
i know the whole of the story, the Before and then of course from when he got here because that's when i began to know him. I know how all his money and all his Stuff were Everything to him. And today, all that knowing was very much with me as we finished it all up.
Not long before he died, he had a space of total clarity when he said...." i will die, and no one will care." "it won't matter".
i so clearly remember this moment and how there was such an urge to say Stuff. To say nice stuff. But i didn't. I said some thing like.... people will care in their own way. and in a certain way, no. it won't matter. Our lives matter to Us. as we live them. this is when there is mattering. In the living of it. When that's done, then......
so i did what i did today. What comes of it comes of it. What he might think about what will come of it will be in question. He always said that i should take any money and buy a new car. Buy a new house. Get stuff. I have no need. So...i will pass it on. I will bankroll others. What they do with it in this day and age is for them to know. I talked to him about all this today. I know he listened.
