i keep saying that. that somehow everything is or Can Be different. But it feels like i am just sitting here, in the Morning Chair, waiting for Different to show up. l It occured to me that that's not how it might go. Maybe i need to Invite Different in?..... like, indicate Welcome. Be Forthcoming. ????
So what do you do when you are going to Welcome a Guest???? How i was taught, you clean house.
I thought about that, and really, am not so much about how the house looks, presents.....it is what it is and no amount of cleaning will change that a lot, but i suddenly thought....
windows
i'm standing, against the stove in the kitchen. Looking West, to the big window. I took off first the Spirit of Goats. Then, Yvettes beautiful veil. I layed them gently. Next the curtains. How long has it been??? A few years.
things on the shelf below
i washed the window. In and Out. The Light is ,...... the Light IS.
Looking Through
and i went out to clean the Buck water bowls to find Nogal, BeautyFull Nogal with HIS BELL tangled in his scurs. His horns are not really horns, horns like his father Buckwheat had. These are scurs. The unfortunate result of the Vet doing a less than good job at disbudding him as a baby. I should have taken him back to be burnt again, but i couldn't and here we have the result of my inability to do what needed to be done. These horns but not horns and today, tangled with his bell.
he loves his bell. Spends time with it. Listening. But well, if Goats can make trouble, they will. Somehow it's pulled off the fence and wedged between his horns.
I took a big pocketfull of wild rice sesame sticks and sit. Feeding him. one by one. and every now and then when i can i grab at the bell. No luck. He doesn't mind it there, dangling on the side of his face but it could get caught if he rubbed his scurs on the wire of the fences, could somehow twist his head his neck, that plastic baling twine...
What to do. and i decide to wait till tomorrow and then call Jan the dog trainer and between the two of us we can trap him in a corner and maybe i can cut the twine and i worry.
but i go for the evening Feed and there is the bell, lying in the earth near the feed tub. He's taken care of it. He's taken care of it. OK and done.
so.
i look at this.
What's happening here?
I really don't know.
this next week the grandson will fly here from California to take care of some legal junk. Fly back. I will be picking him up from the airport, driving him, bringing him back here, taking him back to the airport. A lot of just driving on the freeway. driving. so it's a good time to make a switch. Maybe there will be something here every day. Maybe not. Maybe it might be words, maybe not. Maybe it just might be a photograph, maybe not. It will be Different.
