Our own definition of words....earnest....as in maybe sincere, whole hearted, effortful.
They speak without voices
look, They said look at this one, an older one, how They could see the whole of the experience of the being, not just the present, but the whole of the lifespan so far, maybe the essence of this particular lifespan, all of what brought it into this present beingness. And They looked with a uhhhh, tenderness, a love...but here the words get sticky because they are human words, not "words" these beings would have in their "language", their language being more like a Sensing, which would be more whole and all inclusive than a language of words that hold many nuanced "definitions". What They have is more whole.
It was that space between sleep and returning to consciousness. I have been sleeping with a pillow between my legs...an idea i got from Alyssia because she sleeps with many pillows everywhere to ease the thing of the Lupus, and i got the idea some months ago because my knees are bony and i sleep in a fetal position, knee to knee but also turn a lot and stretch my legs and i notice that the pillow also seems to help with not waking to leg cramps? Anyway, i am in that delicate space and lying on my left side, facing the door to the bedroom, the wall that has the Green Tara Tapestry. I am not awake. And i extend my right leg all the way out and sense it to be ....long....very long...much longer than it is. And my awareness goes "up" to the ceiling where there are i think 3 of Them...They are not visible to the eye, but clearly there and then i am somehow there, looking down with Them and "me", also, lying there on the white sheets, that long leg outstretched. It is barely becoming light outside. They are simply Observing and kind of noting what They observe with one another, this old female human being and there is this sense that the word, if They used words, the word they would use to note this one, would be Earnest. If they spoke with words and aloud, They would have "said"....Look...Look at this one, an old female. Look how Earnest. and they would note it, because that is their purpose, to witness humankind, take note of how it's all Going here on this planet, then move on. Kind of like how the angels were in the library in that so excellent Wim Wenders movie Wings of Desire. Like that.
So i could feel the "tenderness" of Their observing and also feel how it was to be the one being observed with tenderness and such a kind of inclusive of everything love, larger than any kind of love i know.
It has stayed with me, 3 days now. If i become very still and close my eyes i can still feel it a little.
My friend Sydney had emailed me, wondering if i was familiar with EFT earlier that day. Emotional Freedom Technique, sometimes called Tapping. Yes. And i had worked on the thin thin thread thin legs of the butterflies on the cloth that day. In EFT, while tapping meridians, the affirmation is stated...."Even tho..........................fill in the blank. Even tho i am very sad, anxious, angry, whatever. "Even tho i..........., I deeply and completely love and accept myself" So...maybe this was the result of those two things????? i don't know. But i don't want to let go of the experience yet. There is more to say, but this is enough for now.
Off and on great Electrical Storms, Wind is cool and so welcome.
this scrap. No matter where you put it, it's BeautyFull. Maybe that's why i so love how Jude has taught me, stitching cloth, stitching scraps of cloth, .... it's earnest devotion to the work and the work earnestly gives back.
