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as the vet suggested last week. I had the Catch Corner ready. He stood off to the side and said
put something in there .... and i had a feed tub ready and the silver bucket with pellets hanging on the high hook by the guinea hen palace, like in the old days when i used to give them a mid afternoon snack. And i dumped the pellets into the tub. They all came. Rushing. He closed the stretch of cattle panel and afixed it with the bailing wires i had ready.
12 does, me, and one Vet climbs over and In. All squashed up, the Goats all intent on getting some of the pellets, hardly noticing that there was Something Happening. He had agreed to not tag the registered and tatooed ones...except for Caroline who has very dark brown inner ears and he could not see a sign of tatoo. Nor under her tail, which is also very dark brown. So she was first with the tag. Then on to the other 6 younger ones, born here, not tatooed, not registered. Clip. Clip. Clip. We were so close, so up against each other, it was actually easy. I strattled them, kept them from backing up and pulling, he clipped in the tag. Only one screamed. I really don't know who. It was fast. His assistant stood outside the fence recording Name, color/markings/age next to their tag number. and ok. As of today, we are certified. The herd, Crazy Wisdom, is certified for entry into California.
One more vet visit to cut Nogal's scur horn. That's it. I lit a stick of Nag Champa in a prayer that we can find such a Vet in California.
i look back now at all the energy i gave to this happening. The Goats did not. They were who it happened TO. And they have already moved on. Really, beyond the moment of the tagging, it was over for them. I TRY to learn. Goats teach.
Early, 8 oclock something the axle guy came for the trailer. Surprised me, so early, and i was in my skinny old lady leggings with the hole and hair yet to be combed, but we exchanged and he went off.
between 4 am and 6am i watched the video of the HILL that daughter sent...i can tell you things about it, i want to tell you things about it
but not today. I am feeling like it's been enough.
cloth, early morning, after spending a night with Moon and Stars
iris continue
wild rose begins
ADDENDUM
finishing the above, it is still light. More Day to be had so i went out to sit in one of the Janet Chairs. Have clear view over to Gideon who lies there, at an end of his nothing so much at all day and i think how i hope he makes the passage. Tomorrow i will order the LARGE transport crate from Amazon. There are 2 here already, but not the largest and it is difficult for him to arrange himself as it is. In a transport crate, harder. So the Large. We are all running out of money...in keeping with Jude's post with Leonard. Truth is, we are running out of money. But before we run OUT, i will get the LARGE crate for him. I want him to
arrive
with all of Us....and have some long days in a place that is a WonderLand. Where he can Wonder and maybe be inclined to Wander some steps on his stiff legs. This is what i hope for him
Jenny, daughter, made me a movie i can watch on facebook. it shows me the Hill, and it IS a hill...as it goes, top to bottom, how it encompasses everyone's "campsite", the Goat Forrest. Her voice is there too. Telling me. We talked by phone.
WHO would have ever imagined such a Time? All of Us have had lives that gave no inkling of what is to come. No inkling. None of us imagined.
i love Hardware. The latches to the back
John, the trailer guy came. Punky's older brother. He looked at the trailer, the Goats. He liked looking at the Goats. has some experience with Goats. He didn't have the right hitch ball so needs to come back in the morning, but Will, and Will come early because i told him about the Goat Rodeo at around 11 am and he said he wants to have come and gone before that....ok and Good. He told me what i need to do to get it registered and plated as a home made trailer. Won't go into that now cause that's another day, but he told me.
some days ago i realized that Tazmeena had had an event. It was the night, i remember it, when there was pouring rain. She was wandering and speaking. I had gotten up and tossed her out the door so she could go under this trailer house. I remember. But last week, i noticed a scent. The basket with this cloth had been on the floor and because of the pouring rain, because of her oldness.....
it smelled, just some, but enough
so i washed it. in a bucket in the bathtub and hung it out. Some of Deb Lacativa, some commercial cloth, but it's washed and sun dried and i knew it again...so this is Good, even this
today i needed a wildness. There is an Eye. Over there on the right, an Eye that watches all of it. That is Witness.
had been thinking about just skipping to day, it was work away monday and then just trips to the lumberyard and helping hold ocb board and then a long nap and digging a hole for compost that was gooey already but when i was out to do the evening feed in the Way Back, filling the water, looking up, i saw PURPLE
just Out there near the Far Fence, a little volunteer flower forest. My Weeds of the West book has been packed in the test packing event, but i'll get it out tomorrow. The little purples are New. The red bud is how those daisys look before the petals begin to open.
it was like i'd been given a bouquet
i think i really haven't said much here about the History of this Goat Thing. There were reasons. But maybe it's a good time to put it here now. I talked to daughter Jenny late afternoon and it was so woven and thick. They had been at the Hill today, her, her man, Alyssia and the kids, the dogs. They pounded t posts for the Goat Forest. She says it's BIG. like really, BIG. They marked off how it needed to be divided for the doe Goat Shelter Place, the two divided Places for the bucks, the place where the feed will be kept. She said there is SO MUCH ROOM and more. Places that will feel Wild to them extending out and beyond their Shelter places. Listening to her, i was deep in gratitude. We did it. We actually did it.
She got the two original Goats, Snowbunny and Daffodil when she lived here in New Mex...about 70 miles up the freeway in Los Lunas. She was married then. There were a lot of plans. They had almost 3 acres there. She built things for the Goats and got a buck . and it began. If you breed thought FULL y and Care Fully, for excellence in Dairy, you have an open and endless market for any kids born. You post your kidding schedule and people reserve the kids ahead of birth. This is what she was working toward and working Very Well toward. It was Happening. We had intention of taking them to the State Fair. We DID take them to State competitions and they won. I say we. the We was me with what i could. It was her. The marriage was not good but the Goats were and so things were ok enough. The marriage deteriorated. More and More and there was a day when there was an Intervention. Her father came from Michigan, her brother, my son, from Colorado. Her daughter Alyssia from California and me from 70 miles down the road. In a day of HARD, we loaded her, her Goats, her Livestock Guardian Dog, Kadir, her other Old dog, her barest minimum of stuff into transport vehicles and she left. She had transfered jobs with assurance of hours. Once in California, though it didn't happen. For months, she held on by a thread. She and Alyssia lived together. Julian was a baby. Alyssia still in the Navy. The neighbor there shot Kadir because he was afraid of him. An Anatolian Shepard. So GRAND a dog. I think it was the shooting of Kadir that did it. i prepared some and she and i brought the Goats all back here. 2012. April. Near to the time of their leaving, there was an insurrection and all the does that could be bred were. That first spring here there were 14 kids born. She was back in California for a while, but then back in Albuquerque. There were a
few painful years. Little communication with her. and we will look at that as just a GAP. Nothing was working for her. She didn't talk.
the Goats just went. as is the beauty of Goats. and i kept going. Saying over and over to anyone who was in front of me about how they were my daughter's Goats and she would come for them.
it's 5 years this month.
she is coming for them. I knew she would. Everything is different now. Like created almost out of nowhere. But it's happening. They will have a forest of their own. We talked today about how we imagine it going and really, we just are so so GLAD that it can go...however that is. We talked about the many ways it can, but also, how neither of us has any NEED, other than to see them free. To see them Free together. Together. to Watch. to Witness, Together. Her, me, Alyssia and now Emrie.
i left so much out. but there's too much to put here. But it's about determination and long standing faith and a very deep love. It's about more, too, but that's enough for now.
the Hill. There. that i can only imagine now. and always in my Heart, the New Mexico sky at the rim.
the Goat Forest
Who? What? is this. some magical Being that will travel with them. No point in asking. We can't know.
She told me today that when they were marking off the fencing, her man had gotten some kind of GPS thing that identifies property lines. It's used by hunters who have permission to hunt in a certain area but NOT over a property line. They saw, with this device, and then Walked it, that their land extends further than they imagined. They saw that it extends into a "swamp" and in that "swamp", there lives a Rooster. Alone. a lone Rooster.
The kids want chickens. A lone swamp rooster will feel the pull. Even tho there is no interest in a rooster, our guess is that a rooster will come. He will feel the need. He will leave his swamp and appear. On the Hill. so. ok. ok then.
He returned my call. The trailer making guy. Utility Trailers and other kinds. He was a man of few words. He was not Punky, but his older brother John. I had written down my questions. I asked them one at a time, ticking them off, and to each, his answer was one word, Yes. So he will come HERE on Tuesday morning. Take the trailer and replace the axle with a stronger one. Tires too. a spare. One day. The RELEASE from this exchange was extreme. I asked no one. I DID it. it will be DONE. it is the Right Thing. No guessing. No Probably.
I realized that much of what transpires in the middle of the night these days, is a reflex of Focusing.
Focusing Eugene T. Gendlin. I have spoken of this so many times before. From back in 1978.
and today, having that this morning, there was such Release. I saw it in the Cloth.
more roots and a significant change.
I printed it out and sat, looking, sensing, and marked the thing of ReClaiming. ReClaiming Self and ReClaiming the Going.
there will be a Goat and a Crow.
They are at the Hill today. Putting in Fence. After everyone has come there and lived there a while, it will change. The whole of the 6 acres will be opened. But in the beginning, when it's so new, there will be fences.
This is the Goat Forest
this is where their Shelter will be built. Something with a place for sleeping, a covered place for their food bowls. Sheltered from the rain. remember, all that looks white/brown is really green. It's the pic from off the computer monitor and i can't make it true.
and this is from Jude's blog...Spirit Cloth....her patio. Again, taken from the computer monitor screen. When i saw this, my heart skipped a beat. I could do this, i thought. Bricks and Slate. I could do this.
I most probably Won't. Most probably will be just native grass. But i COULD. I CAN.
What i will make. What i will make There on this Hill, it will go On after me. Might become anything. Maybe even Emrie will live in the hut.
all the invisible baste on the top two triangular pieces. I can't name what they are yet, because i still don't know. But the
hand
of the Cloth is now Excellent. I will never be able to say how much Jude's Invisible Baste means to me. How 3 becomes ONE and the sensation of that is beyond Beyond. AND the fact that it truly can be invisible....there is nothing more to want in this life. Then, more roots and taking out part of one root and then some vague work with Inktense Pencils, Payne's Grey and Burnt Orange. I have to go really really slow with this part. Have no idea what i would want to see happen. So, Slow. Slow.
double click her. She is such an incredibly BeautyFULL cat.
and the Kochia Project. Not enough to show here, but done for this day.
I have a call in to the voice mail of Punky Markland. He was my north neighbor Charlotte's man when they moved in there. Sometime after, it wasn't working and that's the last i ever saw of Punky. But i do pass the lot on N. California st. in town where there are utility trailers, a big sign, Markland Trailers and a phone #. Have left a message. No answer yet.
i want to know if it's possible to put a different axle on the one we are working on. More heavy duty. Bigger tires. I Utubed .....changing axle on trailers....and watched a couple. Didn't answer my specific question, but i see that it's done and it's my guess that it CAN be done in my situation. So i want to know if Punky is interested. Even if not interested, Willing. If so, i will NOT mention this to either Bill or Travis. I will just DO it. Quietly and on my own. This decision was made in the middle of the night, one of THOSE, and today there is a quiet feeling of things being just OK enough. Felt Sense. Need to go by that. Felt Sense. ok. The thing about "no regret".
Jack Flash is ok too. His whacked ear part dangling but he is whizzing about as usual. I want the Vet to look at this. Even tho to no real avail, i want him to SEE what i was talking about, to SEE it. Ear tagging is NOT a great thing and if there is a way to avoid it, anyone who Loves their Goats will. I want him to SEE this. and besides, i really can't do anything about it.
not how i'd planned, but the Catch Corner. Another Triangle...
it's too soon. Rescheduled Vet day is the coming Wednesday. But Bill brought the panel, said it was on the truck and he was on his way and as it goes, we hauled it in and i didn't want it, it wasn't the right length but he, as he does, said let's just see how it goes, so we did and it was barely ok and he was happy and trotted off and where does the burden lie here? He is someone who doesn't take no for an answer. Doesn't want to listen to the Why of the no, Doesn't take into consideration that there might be good reason for the no but it takes more than 5 words or less, takes standing and looking and finding words. And he's not into that. So i ended up with a panel that was too short, but that will do, but it was also too high. That would not do. So i got the Big Cutters and cut off the top foot plus something of it, wire by wire...it's cattle panel....steel. I should NOT have done that, it is taxing on my arm, that right shoulder, that nerve or whatever it is that runs up the shoulder into the neck, the muscles of the ribs...all the parts that survived the fence falling on me 2 years ago, but all the parts that fully remember that and that it took over a year to heal as much as it can in a 71 yo body....
and where does the burden lie? This is nothing new. I already knew it when he called asking about bringing the thing by. I didn't stand my ground. I wonder what would have happened if i did? My guess is that he would have just showed up anyway. But i don't know, because i didn't.
Just before this, maybe 15 min. i heard a scream. Sometimes the bucks hurt eachother. Just some. but there will be the sound of it. I went out in my underwear and T shirt, got half way there and they were all standing looking toward me, i chose to decide that whatever it was was over.
went out just now to feed and the lower third of Jack Flash's ear is dangling by a thread. the Tag, one week old yesterday is gone. No blood. He's normal in behavior and appetite....just that
ear
Vet closed. They don't work Friday and weekends.
This says something about WHY i have kept my world here small and closed. I think about that.
I go out every day now late after noon to pull Kochia. In the 20 some years i've been here, there's never been so much as this spring. This part of the house yard is almost finished. But i also saw that the Russian Sage and the Coral Berry have runners that have taken hold. This has never happened before either.
there is a small community of Lamb's Quarters. More nutritious than spinach. I'll give water.
the Left side of the House Yard, looking out. it's Next. Other than the Feather Grass, almost everything green here is Kochia.
This is Next # 4 or 5 maybe. the Outside of the Doe Goat's Middle Yard, where Snowbunny's grave is. This is the farthest out i will go this time, the last time. I will leave all the rest to Travis and Everett. Again. I have never known so much Kochia. There has always been a LOT. Sometimes it made me cry. But this year, it's more.
They call it the Mother of all Bombs. Bombs have no mother. Bombs are made by the Patriarchy.
sitting with Cloth on lap this morning. Looked up and to the left into a thread basket...these two right at the top, waiting. Ok. put them together and drink tea, come to look more and they have begun talking. it's just a murmer but nonetheless.
