a day. no one here on this computer ordering truck parts. No Vet coming to scare Goats. Just here and just a day and i realized how "wired" i've been in the last weeks. How wired i still am. Using all my gathered wisdoms to hold me in relative balance as i keep going with it all. There's a hitch with the trailer materials, there's a hitch with daughter still needing to NOT have the Doe Goats ears tagged, a few other hitches and it's just the way it's going to be until its all just a memory, and that's going to be the next While.
I took everything out of the horse trailer and began hosing down the transport crates. Cleaning the floor in there. I have left the crates to dry in SUN and beneath Moon and Stars. I cleaned and brought in two storage bins that were in there for packing. Between that, i just visited things. I visited the Iris
the tubers that want transplanting
the many Wood Beings that are here, that have come before in their other form but now speak of what is coming again. I listen. They somehow speak too of this cloth.
i as yet do not understand the language. so, again, i just listen and listen more.
and i called the across the road neighbor Margie. To ask if her grandson is now living there. He is. He is 14 or 15 now. Refusing to go to school. so he is living there. He references her to be his mother because she raised him from new born until he went to live in town with her ex at about 6 yrs. He is the son of one of her daughters who died not too long after his birth of heroine addiction. He came into this world heroine addicted.
He spends the day bolting in and out of her door to shoot an airgun, BB air gun, off and out into an imaginary world. Pop POP pop and the Goats bolt from that Way Back that is across the road. Tay is spending a lot of the day either in the bathroom or on the floor near my bed in the bedroom. They may get used to it.
I asked her if she was confident that he understood he should NOT shoot in this direction and she bristled a little but said yes....he understands, but just wants now to "live with his Mama".
ok. this is his life. Probably a life not singular to many. A life of pretty much nothing but imaginary violent confrontations with imaginary demons. Otherwise, he and she watch TV. Margie knows better but always surrenders to the Easy...to the perceived need and martyrdom.
I think about the thing of Surrender. I have surrendered to the easy at times, choosing to just not see. Let it all become clouded over. I watch it and think.
