windthread

eclipse

i was at the Post Office in the next little "town" over,  Lemitar,  when the eclipse was happening...on my way to work.  As i came out,  an old farmer guy pulled up in his truck.  Said to me,  you wanna see?  I said ok and he handed me what i guess was his phone?  and said just look up and i did and saw a small image of a partial eclipse.  I said....Once in a lifetime, yes?   and he nodded.  Then at work,  it was just

all kind of softened.  The starkness,  harshness of SUN here,  just softened.  It was gentle.  But i went on with my day.

Essense,  formerly known as Rat Boy is MIA.  3 times now.  Just Wheat and Goldie.

i have no pics.

a fortunate incorrect forcast

weather.gov said heavy rains for today and tonight and then storms on into the week.  Which set me into motion early this morning...no procrastinating...and i weed whacked Out There,  near the front oasis and along the raised bed of the Tomato Garden.  I did a lot.  All that Kochia is ready to go to seed.  

But it never did rain.  not a drop.  so there was a lot of time to evaluate what remains to be done and how i'm going to do that.  I gave myself a gift of what feels like extra time.

 

i love Mallow.  How it grows where it wants to be.  and i looked at this metal frame with hog panel, smiling.  How some people,  when they relocate,  take things like tables and couches,  but for me, it's metal frames that were a part of a pick up bed,  customized for hauling Goats.  Daughter had them made for the pickup she first drove them to California.  Truck crapped out but we kept these.  I'll take them.  who knows.

 

and the Raft,  where seasons circle but Time remains the same.  

 

first stitches.  the commitment.  

 

the first branch

It's 8:04 p.m.  Very close to dark.  I need a different word than dusk  or  twilight....a word for that last light,  before night becomes.   By accident a few evenings ago,  i was there,  just at that time,  giving water and i loved it.  How i could barely see at first.  Since then,  i think this will be the 4th time,  i have waited until that time.  There is immense pleasure in it.  The scent of water is very strong.  The sound of water strong also.  What we call Air is extremely present on my skin...is a beingness.

ok.  it's time now.   

 

and i forgot.  the crickets.  singing now their song of one single note.  it pulses.

the whole thing

 

i thought yesterday that i would need to choose which part of this piece of Deb Lacativa's cloth i would need,  but today,  it's very clear that it's the whole of it...a long cloth....

inside ~ outside

 

still,  from Michelle's post,  from Marija Gimbutas

 

and then,  just now,  feeding.  I go to the Way Back gate to where the wheel barrow is,  tilted on its side always in case of rain.  I wheel it out,  in the morning to the bale of alfalfa or in the evening,  as now, to the Albatros where the grass hay is stored.  The Sound of this sets it all in motion....the wheel bumbling along across the dirt.  There is a squeak.   Everyone knows what's coming.  Tay accompanies me,  carrying her ball or a stick.  back and forth.  I feed the 4 buck Goats first and Gideon,  then load the feed in the wheelbarrow for the doe Goats in the Way back and trundle the wheelbarrow to that gate.  Drop the feed over into the bowl.  All of it,  then go through the house,  out the back porch and distribute all of it into 4 other feed bowls.  Every day.  365 times a year.   The universe could set it's doings by my reliability.  Also,  feral kittens.  They have been coming out to the feed bowls lately.  

Tonight,  as i approached the gate with the wheelbarrow,  getting almost there...a shock!  Goldie and Essence,  formally known as little rat boy,  were  ON THIS SIDE OF THE GATE!!!!...Goldie to the west,  over by the wood pile and Essence,  just there at the gate, but inside,  THIS side and Tay

saw them.

she has watched them and their doings through the gate all this time,  totally entranced,  as she is over at the other end of the house yard where she lays,  nose pressed to the wooden slats,  watching them.   and here they were,  tonight.  on HER side.  She bolted,  fast as lightning and and it was a split second.  Goldie slid through the gate wires but Tay had Essence under her mouth...how i can't tell,  too fast and i yelled   NO!  NO BITE!  which is a thing she knows because she likes to bite the wheel of the wheelbarrow.  She knows that she can put her mouth there against the wheel,  she can make growl sounds but she knows she cannot bite,  even tho sometimes she still does.  

so..NO BITE  NO! and he,  Essence scrambled to go through the gate,  but she got him again,  pressed, i don't know how exactly;  with teeth?  with just her muzzle?  i don't know but i yell the second time and she releases and he scrambles through.  I tell her NO,  Babies.  No bite babies.

she didn't,  but what if she'd been alone?  and they were there?  These are things we will Work on in the days ahead.  There will be chickens.  

when i went into the Way Back to distribute the feed to all 4 other bowls,  both Goldie and Essence were where they are now,  under the porch steps.  Neither any worse for the experience...Essence being  his  ordinary vague self,  Goldie all in his Right There self,  Wheat,  watching from a little distance.  and so it goes.  Thursday,  more than mid way through the month of August.

 

singing

reminded self that singing ,  does something.   When i sing,  it's no known song,  but rather just random sounds and melody that is created as it goes.  The freer i get the more Good the song,  the more pleasing,  the more Easy of Flow.   I sang as i used the weed whacker to cut the Kochia that remained after i'd cut by hand all that was near wood and stone.   Done.  before it set seed which would have been any day  now.   At least in this House yard.  Tomorrow,  Out There.

but singing.  And then i sang while washing dishes and other things and then sang when i went to care for the Goats.  I sang a long time to Nogal while filling his water tub and scratching with one hand.  I sang to Gideon and some to Sunny Ray,  but he was spinning...it's just how he feels right now.

 

this Cloth is now in the shop and it is,  a song, really

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cinderella continues to distance herSelf.  Her mother,  Ginger,  continues to be her intermediary to the herd.  I watch.  I cannot know.  It belongs to Them.

 

Michelle.  Ms Uncertainty Principles.  click her name in any comment.  Michelle posted today a truly Extraordinary post about the life and work of Marija Gimbutas....about her lifelong study of   "goddess".  There are two videos.  one is long but extraordinary.  i need to watch again.  

i have always shied away from the word Goddess.  somehow it paired with the word Worship.  in the same way that the word God paired.   But today,  watching these videos,  i was able to go past that and on,  into a world where women sing their way through the days.  just as i had today.  and it all clicked.   it answered the unasked question of why the Hill, now.  Why this change from singular to community of female.  I need to watch and listen again but i saw that what is happening,  against all odds for me and my daughter and my granddaughter and her daughter is an urge toward and back to the antidote for the toxic world we find ourSelves faced with.

full and complete

Loosening    as soon as the internet allows,  i'll put it in the shop.  5  1/2 inches by  10 1/2.

 

Things in general,  picked up and put in place.  Housekeeping.

 

August ritual.  Zucchini Pizza.   Came out perfect.

 

i got pretty far along,  responding to comments and it was feeling Good and then,  at 6:56,  as it does,  stuff froze.  Not allowing.  disrupted my rhythm,  but oh well,  there's tomorrow,  right?

lifeforce

looking at Gideon this evening.  He did not come out of his hut this morning when i put food in his bowl.  I went off to work.  This evening,  he was there.  Ready.  Waiting.  I stood long,  looking at him.  He is not the herd sire he was and i was tempted to go once again try to find that pic of him,  try to bring it here today  (it's in all those zillions in Picasa that are unretrievable for me) the pic of him so Grand and like a lion.  But i'm thinking about that.  it's not him now,  it never will be again,  but the him that is now is Gideon too.  Gideon as he loosens from this plane.  All that he Was remains in him,  but also,  now who he IS is him.  Why is it "less" to photograph.    What would it feel like if i wanted only pics of myself in my 30's,  40's?  What if my kids shied away from a pic of me now with Emrie because i've become skinny and wrinkled?  What does that mean.  And how Lifeforce is something separate  and elegant from the physical form.  How over and over,  for various reasons,  it loosens and then holds tight again....as Gideon is now.  He was all himSelf this evening...his hair glistening with Sunlight,  his face,  upturned and loving.

 

color is not true.  the life form is darker than it is in order to show some of the particles loosening.  It's almost finished.  it's a testimony to Cloth making that i have needed to stitch these last two Work Away days.   The stitching has held me together.

 

and back to little rat boy.  I watched him this evening,  a few times.  All of them are extending their territory to include the whole of the Way Back.   The first time i saw him,  this is through the door window,  he had just finished shitting.  over by the road fence.  He then spent close to forever working away at covering it.  He scratched and checked,  scratched more,  scratched more and checked,  over and over and i finally gave up watching because it was taking WAY too long,  but he wasn't satisfied and was still working away when i quit watching....so i can say,  he is meticulous.  

He and Goldie come out close when i fill the Goats water tub in the evening.  Tonight,  very close and i squated to study him,  looking for any sign of improvement.  But there isn't any.  No hair is growing in those bald spots.  No hair at all on his tail.  He just is who he is.  But i saw him,  moments later,  when i was turning off the water,  come RUNNING from a distance...his legs are long and he runs like a gazelle.  Nothing about him is pretty.  But his life force is Strong.  Whatever caused his loss of hair,  his skinnyness,  has not changed his Heart.  So much of me wants to take him to the vet....try to fix whatever it is.  i am conflicted.  $ will be needed for Goat Vet things before whenever it is we leave.  Sunny Ray's problem scur,  i watch every day now.  Maybe things for Gideon.  Tay is due her shots.  Hundreds of dollars....all told.   So how does little rat boy work in to that?   And really,  should he?  or,  being feral,  is it really most Right that he makes it on his Own?

all these things....things to ponder,  things to slowly slowly understand

giving water in Thunder

i love.  i just Love when there is constant Deep Rolling Thunder,  lightning hit after lightning hit,  horizontal heat lightning  all producing deep rolling Thunder and just maybe drops of rain,  and i love standing out there,  holding the hose,  giving water and feeling it in my face.  Feeling it in the bridge of my nose,  my cheek bones,  my lips.  Feeling it.

going to see how they worked it out today,  doe Goats and finally,  five years,  Finally,  they decide they can use the Guinea Hen Palace for times like these,  when someone has blood on them.  Ginger and Cinderella are in the extreme side of the Palace,  Ginger standing between anyone/anything else and her daughter Cinderella.  My admiration and respect for Ginger grows through this,  making me even more wanting to breed Cinderella with Nogal when we reach the Hill.   Cinderella is daughter of Ginger and Gideon.  Not the most beautyfull Goat but her genetics are Strong.  Ginger is also Sunny Ray's mother...Sunny Ray and Cinderella,  siblings.  Cinderella is soft tempered.  I think she will be a strong and willing milker.  I think she will carry on with being a good mother.  Traits.

what's exactly going on out there i don't know.  I heard someone....someone whose Voice is not much known...this morning...repeatedly calling...and it was Ginger,  standing just to the side of the Way back porch steps,  looking and calling and Cinderella was over by the road fence,  the kittens were there too....?????  Ginger called and called till Cinderella came.  

i don't know.  it's Their world.  I give water and love.

 

the kittens,  Goldie and Wheat....Just Going....the wary one of them....

 

little rat boy....his left eye?  something wrong there now?  But no.  I took them food to their bowl and his eye is ok.  He,  in general,  isn't any improved,  but also,  he,  in general isn't any worse.  Holding his own.

 

how the particles Rise

today

i went to Dog Trainer Jan's this morning.  She is reconfiguring her Goat, sheep and horse yards.  Most of her sheep have been sold this summer.  She's not doing sheep anymore.  And,  because i will be taking her breeding bucks with me,  she has two young ones of her own.  New, ever, for her,  to have a resident buck.  So.  Reconfiguring.   There was another friend and the three of us  dug out and pulled many T posts,  cut the wire and undid the cattle panels.  Hauled and stacked.  While they did something else,  i dug out a Shelter,  the base of it,  so we could move it.

At a point,  the Goats were let loose and wandered.  Her horse,  whose yard is connected to theirs,  was distressed.  She ran that length of fence,  nickering and calling to Her Goats,  they would come but go again.  She ran back and forth,  calling them.

We got as far as we could.  Jan and i were feeling lightheaded.  it was Hot.  We quit.  But it was so satisfying to me....doing what needed to get done,  helping,  creating something necessary.  Talking as we worked,  but the work being central.   I think this eve how that is what i am going To.  Working together to get something done that is necessary.   yes.

Came home to check on things here.  All was well,  everyone in their place?  Gideon resting. Nogal where he is supposed to be.

 

OOna and Caroline

 

my beloved,  Onday,  Snowbunny's daughter

 

Karma and Mercy,  Onday's daughter

 

but...where are Ginger and her daughter,  Cinderella?   I called and they came,  from the middle yard,  through the corridor...why?

 

 

'

her "bad" scur is gone.  What happened?  It's gone at the skull.  ???   the other,  that isn't one that is so much an issue,  that curves forward,  that doesn't require the Vet to cut with the bone saw,  but just is,  well,  unattractive....that one is ok.  But the one that curved into and toward her skull is 

gone.

it was an EVENT that caused this.  Blood was down,  under her ear,  around her eye.  She and Ginger had disengaged from the rest.  A bloody Goat is a danger for the herd....they must stay away.

so i held her and applied the things you apply and it will all be ok tomorrow.  But this is what it's like....to leave One's herd and be gone for the day....things can happen.  

I have become one of them.  I have become a Goat.  I have become Snowbunny,  in her absence,  i have taken her place to some extent,  even though i can drive a truck and go AWAY,  it's on me.

Right now there is Great Thunder...the monsoon continues....and i need to shut this thing down.   But i am full of thoughts and Nancy Erisman sent me a video link that Valerianna posted on her Face book page, i think...maybe if she reads this tonight,  Nancy,  she will put the link here.  or not.

 

 

just going

i pulled Kochia in the near front House Yard.  a LOT of it.  Fed to Goats some and spread the rest to dry so i will be able to burn it.  I got a LOT done.  i found Friends,  so so many,  that had been hidden and how much quiet joy there was in that.  This rose colored one from a certain day that i can remember at Caballo Lake.  Will i Take it?,  or does it Belong here.

Gideon did not come out of his hut for his morning feed.  So all day,  that was the undercurrent.  Just now,  as SUN descends to the RIM,  it was time and i couldn't put it off any longer.  

As i approach,  i begin talking.  I call him by my "love" name,  Dido,  phonetically,  and or spanish,  de do,  i call softly...Dido?  are you there?  Great Man Gideon,  are you there?  and really,  i did not expect him to be there,  but

he was.  Just there and when i came in to his yard with a sprig of Kochia he got up and came out and chewed it with his great and fine teeth,  grinding it.  And still so much here.   i touched him everywhere and "sang" to him as he chewed,  told him there was fresh water

I remember clearly,  how long it took the Old Cowboy and  my old dog Chinche to let go.  A long time and no one can know.  it is between the Soul and it's self.  Gideon.  There is such deep deep love for him.  he is such a Fine and Elegant Being.

 

The Beauty and Integrity of a Soul,  loosening.

and i think.  in the not so distant future,  this will be me.  Someone will be watching,  someone will be going to look,  to see if i am still  "here",  or if i have gone