i went to the Gift Shop at Bosque del Apache Visitor's Center after i worked near there in San Antonio. The Refuge is just down the way and i have driven that road so many times, going to the Festival of the Cranes, just going to There, when there is no one there but me. I went there for the last time to get all the birthday presents for all the kids that all seem to have been born in September and October. I got a lot. all the shopping done. One Fell Swoop. this next one is my son's daughter, Giana Lily, who i wanted named Alluvial Fan. She will be 4. They came last summer when everyone else was here....came, down from Colorado, not far away, really. But i've only met her twice in her 4 years. partly because i don't go anywhere because of the Goats and partly because her mother has specific plans on how they spend their time. They camp all over the state of Colorado, in beauty FULL country and i don't blame her. I also trust that Peggy, Woman With Wings, takes care of them in her way. This is a comfort.
but driving that looooong road back, the only vehicle on it, New Mexico splayed out in all directions, i was all full of feeling, but then suddenly i thought: They will be able to bring her, next year even. She will be 5. They can bring her to California, to the Compound and leave her with us. ALL, ALL of Us and the two of them can go off to the Ocean or to the Pacific North West. Her mother would love this. and We can KEEP her. We can take her IN to US. and it was such a beauty FULL thought.....
and i came home to a comment from Ali about.....the ambivalence in catching wildness, the holding of opposites, living without Fear...and i was FILLED with such good energy. YES!
living without Fear.
fear being pointless, empty, nothing really. Living without Fear, YES. Many things become possible.
and my Friend remains here on the rocking chair, now amidst the two shirts that Deb sent, arranged in an Arch over her. Slowly we become more and more friends as the exchanges deepen, like how it goes with friendship...the deepening....
so for Giana Lily's birthday, i got a Praying Mantis puppet and a book about Crows! Sent to her from the Goat Grama. and i look forward to the day when we can run that Hill with her. How it can become a summer place for her. How she will KNOW it and know her people.
