of its own accord, when we give up and surrender to the Going, because there's nothing we can think of to DO, so we surrender to the Goingness of the Whole.
Yesterday morning, i was a wreck. It was the day i took Ember to the other Work Away. I was lost in What If. I was lost in....Now What? I am still here. and might be still here till who knows when. and i was giving up my final source of regular income. Like Food money.
But what i am, if nothing else, is Responsible. And Responsible in this case meant responsible to those who depended on me. My ify situation didn't work with the sense of Responsibility to them. And here was Ember. Willing and Ready. Here was me, not knowing and out of balance. So to attend to the responsibility, i needed to do this.
This morning, the Last Day at Bill and Nelia's. Last of many years....not sure exactly and it doesn't matter, but somewhere around 16. and i'd slept fitfully, waking at the 2 something hour to mull through it all, interwoven with the Dream things.
But when i got Up, 5 something A.M., i sat with that first cup of tea and the word
Freelance
rose up. Ok. Freelance.
no longer particular "jobs" to go to...but WORK nonetheless....to hold things over, till i do at some point GO. Space opened OUT....what might this mean? Short things, special projects, but what was CLEAR was NO SCHEDULE, NO TIMELINE. Just doing as doing happened.
and there was this HUGE SENSE OF FREEDOM.
and i finished my last day at Bill and Nelia's and left a note to that effect. Freelance.
and he called later saying he wanted to come and do the yearly wood stove chimney thing and he came and i'd gotten out the electric chain saw that had been sitting for 1o plus years since i'd bought it to cut that Russian Olive in the House Yard and then never again, and it was just OK and Fine and we cut that fallen oh so Grand Russian Olive in the Way Back, to burn
and then
Wheat, whose maybe different name is Slender, Wheat watched it all. I'd not fed her for 3 days. Hoping she would just go away. She hasn't. and comes, on time, everyday, when i feed the Goats. Counting on me.
responsibility.
so i gave her food. This morning Thelma of Mike and Thelma of the now defunct Native Plant Nursery called...just to see how it's going and in the exchange, they have a couple of Live Traps and i will go there and get one and Live Trap Wheat or Slender Slender/Wheat if i can...if she will allow....and take her to the spay/neuter for Feral. and i think....
how really so Great and Magnificant things can be in their own small ways. How we all can just Go. in our own small ways. and how stuff can be just ok it it's own small ways.
Tay's little pea sized sores appear to be growing hair.
