windthread

nothing to show

no pic.  Nothing.  

i worked at Bill and Nelia's today,  with Ember,  who will replace me.  Showed her how i clean that house.  Told her what i do and don't do.  It will be up to her how she tweaks it,  if she does.  But she now knows what they're used to.   I've "known" Ember for a long time...have gotten Bach Flower Remedies from her...she in the last few years tried having an Herb Shop in town but it didn't work out.  This last week she had gone to Santa  Clarita California to a workshop on communicating with animals,  and today as we worked,  she told me about that.  The woman who ran it uses EFT ,  sometimes known as Tapping.  You can google.   I have known about EFT for  several years...well,  more than several.  It was totally amazing to me that people are using it with animals.  We talked about how it might be useful to Tay and her kitten obcession.

and then at the end,  while loading the Grass Hay i buy from them,  Nelia's Uncle Lanny arrived.  I should have been gone by then,  but i wasn't.....and met Uncle Lanny who had just driven along  the Oregon Trail,  you can google that if you are inclined,  ...the Historic East/West large wheeled wagon route and emigrant trail in the United States.  He lives in Rhode Island and flew to i think Nebraska and in a rental car,  drove.   He was FULL of stuff to say,  a great and vibrant man probably my age and i took heart.  If this person did this,  only out of a sense of wanting to KNOW,  drove all those miles,  stopping and asking and talking all along the way,  

then...how can a two or at most three day trip to California seem so daunting for me?  Uncle Lanny was a school teacher and he has a wealth of information about how this trail was undertaken by so many immigrants,  so many traders in the day before the railroad.  He told a few of those stories in the short moments today...he's a talker.....

but by these two exchanges,  i felt INSPIRED....

there is SO SO MUCH in this world that is Elegant....i feel the Pull toward that...and it's good.  Like Really Really Good.

 

 

Oy....but on the Otherhand....

Is ..... Is.

Yesterday.  I'd taken the cat carrier that i'd bought out where they primarily are and left it for a day and a night,  imagining being able to load the two "kittens" in with some,  but not a huge amount of difficulty.  Wrong.   Wheat,  the female,  was like a Lion.  I got her in but she whipped around and slammed with all her might,  surprising me,  and the small door opening was somehow enough and she was gone.   Not.  and i knew something different would need to happen.  As the day went,  i packed the Altar...as i said.  Became totally focused on each item,  there were many and included the "treasure shelf" over the futon couch,  the bells and glass wind chime.  I dusted and cleaned each thing,  each part of each thing.  I held them.  I rang the bells.  I became so focused,  i forgot to breathe.   And at that point,  leaning over,  head way down toward the box,  not breathing...holding my breath...i had those sensations,  numb fingers, dizzyness,  blurred vision.  I know those things.  Over many many years they have become warning flags for me....that tell me to STOP totally and find a different way.    The minute this is acknowledged,  they go away.  OK.  Body is Friend.

the day went on...and Tay was completely absorbed with the Cat World of UnderHouse.  More than usual.  and at some point,  Goldie decided to just Go and came into the FRONT House Yard,  at one point even coming onto the front porch.  Tay was thrilled,  filled with Joy,  but i scared him away and he disappeared.  As i worked in here,  i could hear Tay crying softly now and then.  I thought it was because Goldie was near,  but at one point,  i went to the door and looking out....Tay was in the "drive way" flipping something into the air,  it fell, she picked it up again and i yelled and she put it down and when i got out there it was a very young kitten.  Eyes barely open,  not yet walking and i picked it up with my (best) dish towel and carried it to the way back,  to where the UnderHouse Cats come and go and tucked it in the slats there for the Mother to retrieve.  I didn't seem hurt.  

Eee

new Kittens.

Tay continues the soft crying and i look out again and there yet another kitten lying out there,  this time Tay is not there and as i go back,  holding this other kitten,  i see her coming out from under the house where she has torn a board loose.    Tucking the second kitten in,  who is even less slobbered on than the first,  i spend the next hour or so gathering materials to block Tay...wood boards,  nails screws hammer drill...i have to crouch and crawl under the porch in a cramped space to work,  all the while saying,  No, Tay.  No Kittens.  she watches.  Thinks.  Thinks whatever it is she thinks.  but incorporates No, Tay into her own thoughts.

So my Plan A or B  or whatever it is ...to feed the kittens,  Goldie and Wheat,  find a willing household,  grab them and deliver....fell through.    And even,  circled back onto itself.  I am feeding 3 feral cats in a Perfect Environment for them.   I google.

a cat is able to conceive at 4 months.  Gestation is 2 months.  Wheat might even already be pregnant.  Their mother weaned them and has at least 2 new kittens.  I do the math.  it's exponential.  It's a nightmare.   Siblings mate.  Males breed their Mothers.  Goldie and Wheat.  Goldie and the Mother Cat. 

Today was Tay's vet appointment for her shots.  for what they refer to as her Wellness Appointment,  which is bull shit really,  but...which works to me because she goes into the Vet's Office and needs to control her excitement and be weighed and ushered into a small room where he appears and she knows him from all the Goat Stuff,  but still.  

and there are questions today about heartworm,  which i have not dealt with so far,  but in talking to daughter....there is incidence there in California...

and he looks at that thing on her wrist that i have been thinking is ringworm and says no.. it's lick granuloma and i say YAY and he says don't say Yay...and he is Sure it's not ringworm but because there are 3 other dogs on the hill,  i want the culture done.  Just to be sure.  And in the midst of all that,  he looks at the thing on my OWN wrist and says...probably ringworm and says use Iodine.  That it will STING...a lot.  But works.  And for the nightmare of lick granuloma,  a 50/50 combination of Green Apple and Heet.  and a lot of Hope.  A lot of Love.

you can google Lick Granuloma.  and it makes sense.  Tay's emotional tangle with the kittens has been beyond intense for her.  She wants to just lick them.  She really can't very much at all,  and the emotional intensity of that is huge for her.  So i am hoping that i can find a way for that to abate.  Maybe i can,  maybe i can't.  There is only just to try.

So i come away with knowledge.

Cats,  as the vet said,  are either in heat or pregnant.  the sexual maturity of a female is 4 months.  Gestation is 2 months with immediate heat,  which means zillions of cats born.

Iodine cures ringworm.

Bitter Apple / Heet  MIGHT stop Lick Granuloma

The bill today,  including the Out Call for Gideon was $371 something.

Tonight Wheat was on the porch...waiting for her canned cat food.  I can't keep doing that.  It's crazy.  It's painful.  I am way more Empathetic with animals than i am with humans,  even child humans.  We have common speech.

I left her waiting.  Not knowing why.  and it hurts.  I love her.  even in this short time.  I also love her Mother,  in a way and that love is hard....not in just the way of a Word...hard...but as a searing pull,  inside me,  pulling and a kind of ripping.

 

Tazmeena naps.

 

 

 

 

 

 

a day beyond days

i packed the Altar.  In the midst,  i forgot to breathe.  Fingertips of the left hand were numb,  i felt....dizzy...vision blurred, swoon.  I said to self,  SIT.  and did.  BREATHE and did and went on.   So much more.  but it's late and i can't know what to put here and what to leave out.

fixing and gathering

2 half broken slats in Sunny Ray and Jack Flash's yard.  Fixed.  Check all the fence line,  add a few screws here and there.   The hand drill is the Old Cowboy's father's.  I gave it some WD~40.  Slick as a whistle.  The really great collection of bits.  This and these will be for the kids.  They have dreams of building forts.  Julian is very interested in architecture.  Destiny prefers cardboard.   I'll get them a tool box.

 

21 medium to large landscape pots.  on the Take for Sure list.  Other smaller pots,  some not pictured,  some ceramic.   3 enamel turkey roaster pans,  only bottoms, no lids.  One round blue enamel.  They are maybe's.  well,  really,  probablys.   So many uses.  All needing to be hosed out, set in SUN to dry.  

Last night a long awake time....How can this all Happen?   What about Puerto Rico?  Ringworm.  All the Me Too 's.  and Me Too.  How many are there?  of us?   This morning i stood there as the kittens ate their dry food breakfast.  The Mother was there,  looking through the slats.  Usually i leave after i put the dry food in the bowls.  She waited.  so she could come out and swat them away and have some for herself.  She watched me closely,  waiting for me to go.  I didn't so finally she so cautiously came out and sat just a small distance away.  She is a very beauty full cat.  Narrow egyptian face,  dark eyeliner.  Her body is a blend of a kind of bronze to copper and all over,  beauty Full circles.  Like an ocelot.  Legs striped dark grey.  I've never seen these colors and design.  Exotic.  a carrier of ringworm? or is it just the kittens?

it's cold in the mornings.  I should think about something to do about making a fire.  I CAN use the Eden Pure Heater,  but that's $.   I have no fire wood left from last year and my beloved Evan only delivers full cords.  Will i be here long enough for that?   There is the fallen Russian Olive in the Way Back.  Can get the chain saw and begin cutting that.  It's what i should do,  but don't want to.   Friday is the day i go through the Routine at Bill and Nelia's with Ember who will take my place.  Last day working there.  First time since i was 15,  not having a job.  

 

 

ok......

so it's not about leaving.  Leaving is in the mix.  The love of Gideon and his death is in the mix.  The Mix is climate change and how that is manifesting around the planet.  Leaving and Gideon are like the largest ingredients in this time, heated by the California fires.  But also in the mix is the Feral Family,  under the house.  Time may be getting short.  I've felt this now for many days.

What to do?  the undercurrent amidst  many.

and to be startled by her face, there....the mother cat, appearing on Gideon's Cloth...but then, no surprise, really.  could be said to go back to some days ago when thinking about the Beauty and the Unbeauty...how they are the same and really....neither Gideon's beauty or hers is more or less.

non~duality

where to begin.....about a week and a half ago,  Tay was licking and licking.  I looked and

 

 

a dime size raw spot.  perfectly round.   When Travis was here to help bury Gideon,  he looked and said,  beyond a shadow of a doubt....Ringworm.   brain goes WHA!   but immediately i think of Rat Boy.  the dots connect.  But the Mother and these 2 kittens show no signs of anything.  I Google.  Cats can exhibit no signs and be carriers.  Carriers.    I go to the feed store and carry on a conversation with Jackie there that spans 4 customers,  all with their own ringworm stories and i feel less diseased.  and i buy what they sell for it  and

 

use that on my wrist...same left wrist as Tay.  What i thought i was scratching as a spider bite turned out to have a lovely red CIRCLE around it.  How did it get to me?  i don't know.  so i use the feed store stuff for livestock on mySelf.  it's drying up.  no longer itches.  There are many home remedies for ringworm but it creeps me out.  so i go for  the big gun.  I don't use it on Tay.  She will lick.  it might be Toxic.  wait till she has her appointment for her shots.

ok,  so ....the All of it.  This morning there was a strange banging and clatter and i opened the door and looked and Tay was at the wooden slats that are around the under house,  but she was right there at the bottom of the steps of the front porch and totally focused and body rigid and lashing in and back,  in and back was a long thin arm of a cat with the markings of a cheetah....trying to rip her face.   Tay cried....not whining,  but really crying,  not understanding what was happening.  Mother Cat is extending her Space.  No longer in the Way Back,  but coming forward.  Coming into even,   

Tazmeena's space.  Old Tazmeena.  who has in the last couple weeks given up going under there and needed to find a different place to  shit....for the first time in 20 something years.  But stuff changes.  Right?  Right.  she accomodated.  But the Mother Cat is pushing it.  Beyond what feels like "fair".  But what do we know.

 

Thread beads.  Jude Hill.  So slow going.  Black/White  Black/White until it becomes One.

non~duality.  One~ness.  All same.   Learning.  Something to take with me to the Hill where there will be so many new and different things.  Time to learn now.....as we go.

 

 

listening closely

as i stitched today i knew something was changing about this Cloth and mid way through,  the word 

surrender

arose.   Surrender...?   surrender????   Why?,  What?    but it stayed and there were no answers.   Just Surrender.  surrendering to.   All elements remained the same,  the images representing Life Force,  the intensity of that beyond what we "know".    I had been calling it Gideon's Cloth but it goes beyond that,  to the Experience of  Gideon's being on this plane and then not,  but remaining.  He, as the messenger for something about that,  that is larger than he was,  but  one  i could receive because it came from him.  

look Up...into that place of Clarity....look toward where the Toad Cloth is pointing.  You can barely see.  The eyes.  the face....which came,  almost against my will.

 

can you see the face?  it is feminine.  because for me these things Are,  from the feminine.  It is neither human or.....  just there are eyes.  a nostril.  a line for mouth.   I try not to impose my own details on any Cloth,  but just to follow where i am led and leave things open enough so many Points of View can see what they see....

 

what i am for.

"Everyone knows what you're against,

show them what you're for."

Andrea Gibson, Evolution

 

since i read these words,  they have stayed with me.  every day.  

today was a day of things that went toward the Going,  whenever that happens.  For instance,  tires.  Seems that the Toyota truck tires have still great tread.  but they have weather rot.  The concensus is that they would probably make it to California.  the word probably is ify.  Am not feeling ify.  So....tires.  Even more tires.  ok.

i got Pellets.  Pellets are what make Goats extremely happy and willing to do anything.  They come in 40lb bags.  I use the pellets to do the "routine".  put some in the milking pail,  they hear the sound of the pellets tinkling in and i then shake it and do the "come come" thing and they COME,  all envisioning their own mouthfull.   But since April,  i've bought 3  4olb bags.  I use so little for this,  they get mothy,  like flour does...exposed to open air,  and i can't use them.  

 

so i bagged them...7 gallon freezer bags,  one gallon glass jar and a tin that popcorn came in from Walmart from the Old Cowboy.  Maybe???  I can use some now,  as we get Ready to go.  and take the rest to the Hill.  There,  we will continue to establish a routine...a fire drill...in case of the need to evacuate.

 

 

so far...with a key and a crystal

 

 

heavy enough.  in each can go ropes and halters,  oil for the weed whacker...stuff like that.

 

3 milk crates.  One empty.  Maybe for the circular saw.

 

Nogal and Tenzen's gate.  Bowed out...there where Tay is.  Nogal rubs his scur horns on that T post.  I watch it.  every day.  Will it last?  Till we Go?  i watch it every day.  It's leaning.  At some point,  it would give and he could get through.  so...i watch it.  If we are still here and if it gets too Ify,  i'll need to put in another T post and reconnect the fencing.  but for now,  i watch.

 

Nogal...spanish for Walnut...he is the buck that will breed on the Hill.

 

Tenzen.  Homely but who throws beautyfull kids.  The one who flew on a plane from Boston.  father of Jack Flash,  the wether who hangs with Sunny Ray,  among others who were born to Jan the Dog Trainer.

 

Sunny Ray.  Gideon's boy.   Looking all rag tag.  He's a white Goat,  primarily,  some Gold.  Mostly what looks gold is just piss he decorates himself with.  But he has the genetics.  So, we'll see.

and here we are.  the end of this day.

 

i sit.  With my Friend.  I gave her a hummingbird's nest,  the snake skin.  the black/white beads.  the dragonfly.  She and i sat and watched Sun hit the Rim and then go into the dark.

now,  it's time for Dream.  I used to be not so much for that.  But now...it's just how it goes.

 

 

 

a gentle Friday

there were many clouds that floated overhead, casting long shadows then times of clear SUN,  then clouds again.  Almost everything is stitched down.   Just some more invisible stitch and then the black and white beads can begin.  There was notice of the feeling of the Toad Egg cloth,  the two parts that are quite flat in contrast to the parts that are very dimensional...i wondered why and wondered if to leave it this way and decided to leave it this way,  it was the way it  "fell" , spontaneously,  and there is also an edginess to that  that is important but i don't know why.

 

in the dream last night there was going to be a very large gathering of people.  We were preparing for that and in one area,  on the wall was this Gaia cloth,  but she was large...maybe like 7 ft tall and around her legs,  her ankles,  there were many other forms,  beings,  but i didn't remember when i woke.  She also emanated a Sound...very slight,  a vibration, really.

yesterday, again

last night i was trying to ward off cold germs.  Was swigging Taking Root's  Fire Cider,  not feeling great and suddenly got really tired.   and this was a bummer because i wanted to say so much about these two pieces of clothing.  garment...somehow,  they just are not garments.  But somehow too,  they aren't just clothing.  Blouses.  a blouse and a vest....they are so much more,  so Beyond.  

They are like wearing what to me is the sacred.  like Deb's cloth is,  for me,  the image of the phenomena that LIFE is,  the Universe,  our Firmament,  this planet,  down to the smallest organisms.  The holy.  With Deb's cloth i can talk about the Magic and the Sacred that is Everywhere...above,  around and underfoot.  The All.

Look above at that incredible button loop!   ecstatic!  beyond!  a button loop.....just so much.

and just to clarify...in the pics of yesterday,  i had the "vest" on backwards in one of them because the back was too Fine not to show....

i don't know what to say.  I don't stray far in my internet wandering so i don't know if there is something similar Out there?  But my guess is that there is not.  I think Deb is a true Magician and her magic is singular.  I have known what it feels like to stitch with this,  but now,  a whole different experience of WEARING that Magic.  Wearing the All,  and by wearing the ALL,  

Saying

things about it.  Saying things about the immense Beauty of it.   

Since i was 17 years,  i have understood clothing as speech,  as communication.  That went on for many years until there was this urge to become mute.  

Now,  these.  The old wrinkly woman wearing the Universe, the Planet,  the myriad beauties of the Earth.

these recycled pieces of clothing,  transformed.   Joanne commented so that frees me to say that she had sent them to Deb,  to do with what she would.  And i LUCKED OUT....they were my size and they arrived.  Out of the Blue.

I would encourage Deb,  if it is possible,  and i don't know if it is,  but if it is possible,  to be willing to transform other "garments"...."garments" that people might send her to under go overgo the Magic???????????????????  I have that vague skirt here..............................

these things give me visions of how we can be in this sad and frightening world.  How we can maybe WEAR our fierceness????  our fierce Love??????

that's a good word for them....FierceLove.   That's what they Feel like to me.

i forgot...i should put it here.  morewgalo.blogspot.com  Deb Lacativa  .....ask her for Fierce Love.  She knows about it,  in more ways than one.

 

 

it's International Day of the Girl

what does that mean?  i don't know.

 

'

 

 

 

i thought,  maybe if i get on my knees.  Maybe it will become easier to see?

 

 

 

 

 

 

This girl...both 17 and 71  

will wear these.  

Deb Lacativa.  her work.  unlike any other.