windthread

the Vow. the commitment to Refuge. To give and to receive. to the Big Picture.

so, this is next.  it refers back to the posts of  5-21  and 5-27.  And again,  primarily Deb Lacativa's cloth,  that Rose UP and presented...perfectly,  the  brilliance of the Earth and specifically,  the signaling of the Spanish Broom.  There is the dark square,  the under ground,  the whispered secrets,  upon that cloth of the Storks Bill,  that is,  IS,  a vague green,  and enough exactly.  

so this next.  and the sense that once it is done,  all else will rise from the Big Picture here.  Will be so much less personal and more,  the Here that Is.

just once more

in gratitude for the collaboration with Deb Lacativa's damask, her dirty threads.  Time now to go Into it All.

Finished.   the Cloth of it...Initiation.  Because of the Cloth,  the Understanding of it is strong.  What is New.  Unknown.  The path is Spirit.   Crow Spirit accompanies.    She has been able to allow herSelf to be clear,  to be available for whatever comes.  To meet it with an open Heart.  And this is how the Going will be.  Open Heart.

for Beth

 

i have no idea what to expect here,  what to imagine.   A while ago,  when there was still RAIN,  there was a cacophony of sound of what i knew to be 

Spring Peepers

that,  being from one of my old lives  my childhood life in Michigan.  

i could see no one.  Were they the same?????  

today,  after the Rains Season,  now when it is becoming DRY,  on this cement block at the wheel of the Travel Trailer,  near where i water the Hydrangea daily....this small being....i think....a Spring Peeper....how the Circle   gently moves in it's circular spin,  slow and elegant 

a Spring Peeper.

 

in my element

in my element.  what an interesting phrase....she is in her element. 

Just a while ago,  Alyssia left with Emrie for the day...or,  till it's time to come back and pick the midling kids up from the bus stop...that would be 3:00.  

to recap the Facts:  Alyssia, the two midlings, age 8 and 10 and Emrie,  10 months are here Monday through Friday.   They live in Chico,  25 minutes away, still.  She drives from their home there to drop midlings off at school here in Oroville where they will sometime LIVE when her home arrives.  Sometime.  For now,  she then comes here with Emrie.  We all spend the day.  She picks up the midlings from the bus stop at 3:00.  We are all here till they leave to go home to Chico.  sometime in the evening.  Often not till 7 or 8 oclock.  On weekends,  daughter Jenny comes back and forth from where she still lives in Chico.  Sometimes Jenny's man comes.  Weekend days are Work days....morning till late afternoon, early evening.  There's more family once a week, Fate and his contingent,  but this is enough to tell for now.

and so

for someone who has lived a life being somewhat conflicted about family,   i am surprised to find myself 

completely         ~In My Element~

am looking at this because a short time ago,  Alyssia and Emrie arrived as usual but left about an hour later.  Usually when Alyssia has things to do,  Emrie and i hang out together.  She's never gone for long.  But my life is SHARED.  I SHARE my days.  Totally.  And  just that while ago,  watching them go,  Emrie too because Alyssia needs the whole day to be away,  too long for Emrie here,  she still breast feeds,   I felt an extremely Strong Pull to Emrie...the same kind of energy Pull i had for my own kids when they were babies.  

a pull that had dissipated over the years until in the last 15 or so,  other than when they came to VISIT,  i had become accustomed to being Alone.  Loving being Alone.  Needing to be alone.  and by Alone,  that included all the other humans i knew.   I spent and loved my days Alone.  Aside from work,  I kept my own company.  And  to be honest,  i had great trepidation about how i would do with changing that.  There were long conversations with daughter Jenny and Alyssia about setting boundries...how i would NEED that and if i could enlist their help in pulling it off.  We understood each other.  And it became time to go.  I felt it.  It was time.   If i continued to wait,  i felt i would miss some kind of Window of opportunity, that i needed to go while i was still able to DO things, while i was still uhhhh,  Viable as a Woman.  I didn't want to wait until i was  needing things FROM them,  as in old.  Frail.  For years i'd said that when i could no longer live alone,  ie take care of myself,  i'd come then.    Then.

But then, there rose up The Momentum.  From the Old Cowboy,  money appeared for them to begin finding a Place.  Then Place was found.  Finally,  after keeping the Goats for Jenny for those 5 years,  there was a Place for the Goats to return to her.  and here we all Are.   

With this day Alone,  there are zillions of ways i would want to spend it.  The 2 Cloths, first,  sitting here next to me on the bench...i can be Alone with them.   There are plant people needing to be placed here and there in the Hill forests.  There are steps needing to be carved in to the slopes of Campsite B.  There is a magnificent book that i am reading.  Two gallon glass jars to get plants in,  cloth in.  A clothes line.  Meditation time in the Meditation Hammock Chair,  Goat brushing and pellet training,  Writing,  taking some of the hundreds of photographs i hold in my mind's eye daily,  continuing with the Old Rock altar,  beginning to create the small one near where the Hut will soon be.  Hemming skirts,  mending frayed frays.  Drawing.  Sitting and watching....of all things.....the Blue Jay that has found that he can run off the chicken hens from their feed...I haven't seen a Blue Jay for maybe 30 years.  Emrie carried up a radish plant stem from the Wall Garden and it lay outside the door and dried stiff and looks exactly like a slender snake.....i want to tie things on it,  color some of it with the Inktense pencils...hang it over on the little Monzanita tree where Wendy Golden Levitt's prayer cloth is

a zillion things

and also,  missing Emrie.   Missing sharing my day.

So i can see it clearly.  I am now for whatever reason,  in my Element.   The shift has occured.  Of it's own accord.  And now,  in the next months,  i will work to refine how i spend time.  There really is Enough time...just how to use it,  how to Take Time and Give Time.  Give and Take.  ok.   I might want to come back here later and edit or add,  but for now,  enough.  The Cloth wants to be finished,  the one that is about Initiation.

 

 

the Beauty Full view for Sunny Ray and Jack Flash

as with the other spaces,  they have cleared quite a bit of what was there.  What remains,  WiLL remain...no longer browsable interest for this season.  No way to know what will return over the winter months of moisture.  But what is so  just heartfelt for me is watching them 

RUN

To the left in the pic is an unexplained open meadow..don't understand these things yet.  and beyond,  to the back,  looks close, but is not...it's the far land across the big road and then beyond that the valley and the rim,  way out there is wilderness, very FAR AWAY.

you might remember that originally,  when we had to move the bucks from their original Formal yards because of the neighbor,  SunnyRay and Jack got the woods just to the west  campsite B,  between C and the road.  It was very wooded.  But then somehow,  SunnyRay had that Great Escape.  So they lost their opportunity for that forest world,  but really...this suits them.  Jack is very buck for a wether and likes to push and challenge SunnyRay who is young enough to still enjoy,  and he is not fast enough to cause damage.  So....they RUN,  spin and twirl,  then rest under that very big pine.   SunnyRay is looking more like his sire Gideon.  I'll put a pic soon.  I called out to Gideon this evening....Come.  See this.  All is Well.

 

 

 

Nogal and Tenzen's world

 Their world extends back and over to the Big Rim that looks down at the canal creek.   Like the doe Goats forest,  this too was dense with growth and not so much anymore.  But still a fine and Beauty Full world of sun Light and shade.  To one side,  between their world and the world of SunnyRay and Jack Flash,  a chicken yard was put in place.  First small and then enlarged as the chickens grew.   Most of the chicken yard was made safe with the deer fencing woven to the regular fencing and then draped in a canopy over the top.  Two small spaces were hard to cover but we thought it wouldn't matter as they didn't know Vertical Flight.  Wrong.  in two days,  Hey Hey was in with Nogal and Tenzen,   A day later,  Talkie.  Only the rooster, Cuddles, remained in the original space.  And so it went.  Alyssia cut the netting and a small door in the wire fencing to make easy passage,  not requiring flight up to branches.   Nogal is enamored by them...with? them? , both.  Enamored.

Tenzen remains pretty much in his own internal world.  Yesterday he spent quite a bit of time itching his gums on/with a branch.

A couple days have passed and the rooster (who was supposed to be a hen),  Cuddles,  is nowhere to be seen.  This may remain a mystery.

But for now, all is well here.  Days go easy.  There is room for every Thing they can imagine.  We have time between now and September to decide who, if anyone, gets bred.  To whom.  We will go over the papers that remain in that Storage Place down the road.  Track lineage and decide.  It may be that we send DNA to UC Davis to be sure of genetics from that breeding long ago now, 6 years.  Keep the herd Good.  For the children.

Emrie stood at the doe gate,  reaching in to Caroline,  who took her small finger in her teeth and bore down,  scaring her and scaring us....but seconds later,  she put her hand in again.  This time knowing .   She pulled her hand away,  just in time..just after the lips,  before the teeth.