windthread

friend

this stone.  From  the shores of  Lake Superior,  the upper peninsula of Michigan.  

i used to work at the University of Michigan,   Adult Psych Unit,  Neuropsychiatric     Institute.   Those words  seem so old.  Already.   Anyway, i used to work there when my kids were little.  I accrued a day and a half a month vacation time.  Paid.  All year i would wait.  And then we would GO.   Load  what ever vehicle and Go.  Camp.  We would go Camping.    Upper Peninsula of Michigan,  Lake Superior,  mostly the Hurricane River.

take a few minutes to  FEEL that

ok and now flip to 2019,   Oroville California.  My kids are adults,  their kids young adults with kids in one case,  in the other adults with a kid.  

Me.  here.  With this stone.  That i have brought with me for 30 some years,  40?    A long time,  me and this stone.

Asking and receiving

was holding this stone this morning as Sun rose.  Been a long time since i deliberately sat holding stones.  Asking.   it lasted much longer than i might have guessed,  this stone meditation.   And  when it finished,  i thought about the exchange yesterday in the comments,  about Plants,  about going to the Plants for help,  and then that thing of reciprocity.  

I was urged to pick up cloth and i did.    Just what was on the top of the basket to my left.   I wanted to place a face.  Thought about cutting through and putting a different muslin behind but did not do that,  instead,  folding some cloth and stitching to the back of this ground cloth so it rose some from it,  then stitching the oval of Face.  Small marks,  rubbed for "features".  It went from there.  to what you see  and it was time to feed Goats and  Give water to Wall garden. I need to take buckets of manure and alfalfa down,  every day now.    Which i did but as i was doing that,  i kept thinking.  The Plants.  the Plant Spirits....how it is said that they are so much willing to help us.  Always have been,  but now more than ever and as i did those things,  I ASKED.  I asked that they help me.   Help me What? i thought.  Help me in knowing how i can live...usefully....FOR the well being of the whole, here and in this Time.  As i walked down the Hill to A,  carrying the buckets,   i held these thoughts and repeated them.   After giving water,  i sat and continued.  Just breathing in the morning.   I asked for energy to live as i need to,  as i can.  

Coming up from that,  instead of putting it off,  i dumped SunnyRay and Jacks water and hauled the hose and refilled so it was fresh,  something i might have ordinarily put off till  "later".  I stood and watched SunnyRay come immediately and drink,  LONG and DEEP and that was satisfaction enough.  Just that.      But i came in and the request for Help remained and i was needing to  Ask again,  a different way,  to ask about reciprocity...how do i reciprocate?  and the answer was immediate.  Talk about Us.   and then,  Do what you do.   And i thought...what do i do?,  i take Care.  I write this blog.  I make cloth.

 

the rest of the hours went quickly.   Again,  just from the top of the basket,  pieces that were just enough,  cut and torn, placed with so little "thought",  just placed.  and then stitched down.  On and on,  some hours.   Roots are still to come,  but for now,  this Plant Spirit and it's evening now.  The Goats have been fed.  Their water replenished.  When i'm through with this,  i'll take this cloth over to that resting place on the hill behind B.  Near the young manzanita and sit.   Look at it.  Ask if it is Good.

 

B garden

 

small.   Rimmed with rocks.  Two sections, small walkway between.   Down on the edge of B,  near the road up,  down in front of where my small box house might have been but didn't.   Was supposed to be the dye garden,  herb garden.  As far as i got was planting the Indigo seeds,  which Grew,  which i've done nothing with.   The madder which will return in the Spring,  it's second year.   3 years till the root can be harvested for dye.   3 tomatoe plants,  in case the Wall Garden failed.  Which is in question now.   Arugula that went to seed almost immediately.  And the Beauty FULL herb plant that begins with a B and that for the life of me i cannot come up with the name now...soon as i tap Publish,  it will come.

oh!  TaDa!!!!!!    Borage!!!!!  and it went to seed and there for sure will be more.

i had cleared these small oval spaces,  ringed them with rocks.  Covered with cardboard and then  the first with Goat Manure,  the second with that compost i bought from the woman in Chico.    I planted the above.  They grew.  I didn't pull any of the Other Things that Grew,  the wild Things.  They remain.  Their forms are incredibly Beauty Full.   i know some of them,  like this wild Amaranth.  But most,  i don't know.  

it's time when i can replant for cooler weather.   A second garden.  Herbs this time.  They will do well.    But first i will sit long with all those that came up and ROSE to the Sky of their own accord.  Thank Them and try to carefully know  who they are.

first pic,  a clearer image

second pic,  more of how the Spirit of the plant is

a life of their own

 

i woke this morning at 3 something.   The darkness was so Good and Deep and Sweet.   There are 2 cellar spiders in this window,  an up in the corner one and a down to the deep right one.  They sometimes fight.   I watch them.   But no one ever WINS.   They are both still there.    It's  nearing time to sweep the webs away.   They will need to begin again.  And they will.

"Joy is the opposite of Fear"       Carlos Santana in a recent interview.   (marti danced with him)

"s'cuse me while i kiss  the sky"   Jimi Hendrix,  a long time ago

so many, within, One world

how many lives within a yard square of Earth?   

Questioner:  How are we to treat others?

Ramana Maharshi:   There are no others.

 

 

 

this.   so much Looking.  The imprint the plant gave is so Strong.   There are so far the 9 beings,  i thought were beetles but it seems that 2 are snails.  and at least one,  like the being in the post yesterday.  Its slow going.  Not understanding yet what this Cloth wants.

 

down in the low left,   i find the Magician.  I think for the 5th time?  Graphite and a little ink to  bring into view.  Same,  holding the kind of tambourine,  in that it's round but also it is more like a rattle.  Maybe both.  rattle/tambourine.  And this time there is a Circle,  spun out and around

 

and this scrap,  from Jackie.

when you love

can you see it?   it is on the stem of the magnifying glass.  Once again,  no more than a pin head.  It was on Alyssia's shorts,  moving along,  making it's way when she noticed it.   We got the magnifying glass and here it is.   It's Self,  looking so much like a crustacean.  a shrimp, maybe.  crayfish.   But stacked on its back,  bits of stuff. and as we watched it,  it added to that stack of stuff as it went.   Its Life.  What was it DOING?   and then we lost track of it .   

That we share this Place with things we might never know even exist....we could never have  imagined  such a being,  but what is its Life?   What part does it play in the Whole of this Place?   Something.....and we might never know.  But we SAW it,  WATCHED it,  loved it for the moments we shared with it.  Love.

I spent long moments tonight with the buck Goats.  I have been distanced from them for a while.  We cannot allow them again to breed this herd.  Ever.  And so,  they have no "use" here.    They are of the age that they can be of use to another herd,  but most  would choose younger bucks. Their "window" has passed.  Buck Goats.   Not much needed.   or wanted.  We have two.  Sunny Ray and Nogal....and Sunny Ray's best friend Jack Flash who is a  wether and best friend ever.  so the conversation goes...in the midst of the construction,  in a few sentences and then nothing,  a few sentences,  and i guess we will figure out  a way to prevent any future breeding events.  There is a thing that is 8 inches wide....forever long strips of it that we can weave into the cattle panel.  It would take two weaves.   Right at penis level.    A long long weaving...their forest yards are BIG.  But 

we somehow love them.  because they are Ours.

how do we love them?,   as it was there,  tonight, they come to be touched.    they  lower their heads to be scratched and caressed.  They love this.  Come for this,  stand for this.  We give love and receive love.   Who gives?  and Who receives?  My hand as i type this,  my right hand gives off the scent of them.  I lift it to my face.  Buck.  Goat.  Love.

 

 

a prayer for letting go of unnecessary grief

muslin,  rayon scrap,  deb Lacativa thread   $20

perseverance

before i left for town,  the Post Office and Farmer's Market,  Early,  i sat a while with the Prayers and took Sarah Oh's pinch pot from the altar.  They fit well  in there.    Her lizard watching over them.

 

i'd prepared Joanne's envelope.   Her prayer is dimensional and i didn't want it flattened so i tucked it into a toilet paper tube and managed to contain that in a regular business envelope,  to the return address side so the cancellation of the stamps wouldn't involve it,  i hoped.  I had two bird stamps left.   Chicadee and Woodpecker.  Wrote on it Please Handle With Care.  My favorite postal person already had a customer so i got the newish young man and showed him the envelope,  he poked the toilet paper tube end with his index finger and i said   Carefull!.   What is it he wanted to know and i told him a prayer in a toilet paper tube.  So that set the tone.  He fiddled on his computer to see how best to identify the envelope and did and asked if there was anything else...yes,  some of those Cactus Bloom stamps.  His drawer was Out so he called down to my favorite post person but she was all out too.   Well,  i have Frogs he said....and before i could check myself an EEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee! rang out startling everyone including me....FROGS!!!  YES!!!!   I take this as some kind of validation for prayer work.  Frogs.  Can you believe it?   As i was walking out,  i heard the woman next in line say    I'd like Frogs too.  So,  ok.  

 

 

so i don't know why this has such a hold on me.    Prayer for me for so long has been Metta Meditation and still is.  

May you be safe.  May you be healthy,  happy.  May you live with ease.

So when home,  i sat with this one in the palm of my hand....it's a prayer for the Sun to shine gently upon the newly born.  I looked long and then closed my eyes and did Metta for quite a long time.   The prayers themselves are so light they  barely can be felt...really,  only when moving the hand slightly and the edge of the fragment moves on the skin.  At first i just found that felt/sense of  the Metta,  but then after a while,  i saw the image of this prayer in my mind,  and let it tell the story of  the newly born down at the creek,  the tree frogs that have suddenly reappeared in the Wall Garden.  I felt the intense heat of Sun,  how it dries things so quickly.   It's a prayer that things go as well as can be.

 

 

day two

i only made one prayer today.  I spent a lot of time with it.

i saw that there is prayer going on at Spirit Cloth,   at Liz's  Blog.  I thought about the fact that there is prayer going on,  even among those who don't ordinarily pray,  I wonder if this is an indication of how helpless we have come to feel,  that we are inclined to entertain ways we thought had no meaning?

I told Julian today,  after school,  about selling prayers. He wouldn't even look at them.  He doesn't believe in prayer and i told him maybe that was all the more reason he might want to buy one.  (he still has birthday money from last year)  He thought 

 

selling prayers is very questionable.  I pointed out that the Catholic Church has sold prayers forever. Masses.  Prayer Cards,  Candles.  He said..."well,  that's Catholics.  You're not catholic".    He has made me doubt.

 

there are two Cloths in the Shop.  It took forever to de~code the new changes to get them there.  But they are there  

i'm going crazy

a prayer to let go of unnecessary grief   (unfinished)   $20

 

the news of the world is weighing me down.   Life is So SIMPLE   How can all this be happening??????

I need to make Cloths.  to remain sane,  to comfort myself,  to keep showing myself how things REALLY are,  to tell my story.  I make Cloths too to pay my way.  Kind people buy them.   But lately,  i find self making Cloths i can't bear to sell.  And really,  there's no need to keep making  Cloths to keep.  And i look at this which is a prayer in the form of how i have found i can pray.  Can you sell prayers?,  i wondered?   Is that OK?,  to sell prayers?  Who might buy a prayer?  Would I?  When i was thinking about praying a week or so ago,  would I have jumped at the chance to buy a prayer?   .....and then it went from there:   I saw a skinny old woman who sells prayers...it brought to mind characters from Gabriel Garcia Marquez novels,  100 Years of Solitude for instance.....skinny old woman sitting at a small table at the market place.  Stacks of prayers,  baskets full of small ones.  They are not labeled.   People ruffle through them and finding one that resonates,  hold it up.  Old woman looks..."for the germination of a seed.  2 dollars" she says.   Done deal and the person walks off,  the prayer in the palm of their hand.  They feel hopefull.

If i sold prayers,  I'd have 1/4 of my phone~internet bill  in two days.

 

 

 

the potential is enormous.  And for the hours i did this this morning,  I was able to CARE without aching.  I just prayed.