windthread

how?

 

 

only in this One Place.   This uhhhh,  This......gathering.  Good enough for the moment.  This gathering of boulders.   The only place on this Hill.   What happened?  that they broke loose and rolled and gathered?   

We,  Tay and I,  sat there long.   But not asking anything,  just sitting.   Being among.   Just a ways to the right are the fallen boughs of an Oak.  I thought it to be the entire tree,  but no,  just a large part of it.  I have no way to feel about that.  yet.  so i

don't go there....too close.  

it's the End of Summer.  Two Rains so far.  

at the End of this day went down to fill the Doe Goat Water.   Finished and across the way,  Nogal is at his fence.  Standing.  Go there and he is still.  His eyes.  He is still and i touch him,  caress him,  scratch around and under his horns,  down the side of his face,  under...chin,  his beard.  Back up,  his forehead,  around his eyes and i look into them,  his eyes,  he looks back into my eyes our eyes look at our eyes.   I touch his lips and he so so softly nibbles my fingers.   I reach in and scratch his neck and he stands so still.  Wanting.  When i asked.  When i asked the Plant People here...help.  Help me know how to live.  It included this.  How to make Buck Love part of the day.  I asked for Energy....so i could live how i need to live and this is part of it.  To go out.  Late.  Give love to a buck Goat who is so ready to receive.  He was such a baby,  once.  No longer.  But knows love.

It's all just so much,  this life.  I'll sleep with his scent on my hands.

 

found

the scrap at the bottom.  4 1/4  X  1  inch at the widest.   A scrap from Jude some years ago.   I hadn't seen it for maybe 2 years until the second day of sorting.    It would be one of what i would so regret losing,  leaving behind.   Now i won't.

Pleasure

the joy of wrinkled cloth,  how alive it is,  free,  unstitched.

 

small scraps i've not seen in a long time....the pleasure of finding  them,  reuniting.   This is the same wrinkled piece as above.  Just the difference in time of day it was photographed....the first color is close to true,  except with a soft green cast from the Coyote Bush.   was at first light this morning.   All the cloth is sorted.  What seemed such an impossible task took two days  and everything is Good.  For Sure,  enough for my lifetime.

Take. for safe Keeping. Keeping and Regret

 

there were two baskets of cloth on the bench outside.  They got rained on.  and when i looked,  these two pieces were so stunningly BeautyFull...as if i'd never seen them before.

i said i was finished with the Evacuation a couple days ago.   Seems it is not true.  The Rain spoke of it.   

I took practically Nothing when we left.    Last year,  for the Paradise Fire,  there was more time,  just a little,  but more.  And i drove the Honda car.  More room.  I took things like a few articles of clothing,  my coffee cup,  box of tea bags.   a towel.  Sheets and 3 pillows.  I took two baskets of cloth.  I don't remember what all else.

This time,  it was just Jenny and i and time was consumed by loading Goats,  their bowls,  some feed.  Getting Puppy and Talkie crated and secured,  feed for them.  Water bowls.   Setting up the portable fence things that we use to baracade  Goats  in or out of places for loading.   Positioning vehicles and hooking them to the hitches.  We were not prepared.

What were we thinking?,  that because last year it was so all consuming for the entire Community,  miles around,  that we would have a break?   Like at least for another month or so?  I guess.  It took us by surprise.

Evacuations go two ways.   You are evacuated until they are able to "contain" the Fire,  which means create barriers that prevent it's forward advance.   This is done by air drops and on ground firefighters.   OR,  you are evacuated because there is no way to contain the Fire and the land is Consumed.   You can return when there is only a burn scar left.  All else of human endeavor is gone.  It goes both ways,  all the time.  It's called Fire Season.  It repeats every year.  the 5th Season.  Every year.

In the last few days i have realized that this really was my first Evacuation.  Last year,  i was still a little numb from the newness here,  a little stunned by it all.   It was one foot in front of the other.    This time,  though we let it surprise us,  i knew better,  had a sense of it and had CHOSEN in a certain way to be dumb.   So i took almost nothing.  

In these last few days,  i have faced the fact that if i lost Everything,  I would have regret.   It's possible NOT to lose everything.  I would regret that i did.   The Rain helped me with this.  I'd gone down to B on Sunday and gone through things there from the Storage Unit.  I'd collected all the paper things...spiral drawing books,  envelopes,  random kinds of paper,  exotic note pads, PDFs from Jude's Classes,  folders of stuff i love,  the Old Cowboy's family bible that i never sent to his niece,  on and on and i put it all in one tub.  Because i care about these things.  I want them.   It was very late and i knew it would Rain the next day but it said 7 am and  i couldn't find the lid for that tub but told self i'd come Early in the morning and find it or switch it all.    And i didn't wake in time.  I wake now again ordinarily around 4.  But this day,  it was so close to 7 and  RAIN.   It all got soaked.  Including the little pic of my son's First Grade photo when he insisted on wearing the stewardess pin on his shirt.  I'm drying it all out today.  Regret?  Regret.

This morning I knew.  I went through all the cloth stuff in that back room.  Sorting,  deciding.  It's all OF USE,  but some of it i LOVE and would never be able to replace.  I've told myself that it would be ok if i coudn't.  And it would.  BUT if i don't HAVE to take that chance,  Why would I?  So...now,  i have 5 of the baskets from Africa that the nomad people there weave and use.  Full to their brims of cloth i LOVE.     Ready.  I can flip them into garbage bags and into the bed of the truck.  It might take 10 minutes.   I cleaned the shelf that is the altar behind where i sit at this table.  All extraneous has been moved to the back room.  Only what i would TAKE.  Small,  quick things.  Rocks,  the Crow,  prayer things,  the Inktense Pencils,  the small czech vase for water.   Tomorrow morning i will think more.  Maybe do more.  But for now,  it's good.  And it's different.  I am Claiming things.  Back to that word,  Claiming.  I am Claiming that i Love stuff.   and so,  Claiming responsibility for that Love.  

?

 

 

Sky Water

 

it RAINED.   RAINED.  

Rain

It was forcast for 7 am.  and at 6:58 it began.  Rain.  I could say that word a hundred times.  Rain.   With the first drops,  Its scent rose and filled the air.   Rain.  I didn't close the door and it Rained IN and i put a towel on the floor.   It hasn't rained i think since last March.  April for sure,  but i think March.   All these months.  I watched out the morning window as the branches of the trees darkened with Wet.  I listened.  Smelled.  Felt.  Rain.

Emrie loves rocks and stones.  Every day,  through the days she picks them up and gives them to me to hold and i do and she carries them too.  The walking up and down the road takes a long time because of picking up rocks and stones.  Last week we gave her a pouch for carrying.  Still,  she gives them to me to carry,  or her Mother.  The smallest plain ones are of great delight for her.   The ones that look the same as any others are a delight for her.  She needs you to exclaim over each...OH!  Beauty FULL!  you must say,  OH!  YES!,  Great Stone!   and she nods in satisfaction,  her eyes kinda slanty.   She licks them lately.  I know licking stones.  I have done that all my life...to see their patterns better.  But that's not what she is doing.  She is somehow knowing them.   We discourage this,  saying that sometimes there's Goat poop on the stones,  or Talkie poop,  things that can give you a stomach ache.  She pays no attention.  We hope she gets over it.

this morning her stones and rocks were washed clean by Rain.  Rain.

 

 

Mid day i finished Irene's prayer.  What can i say about that?

i went to the scrap basket thinking i was looking for one more.  4 rose up.    

The Intensity of the stitching is all there is.  No thought.  No sense of anything outside the stitching.  I love this so much.  So different from all else.   And when it was over,  i looked.  I would never have imagined.  It simply is.   I love this.  A lot.

Prayers

 

Tina sent this.   A stone from Lake Superior.   Held within this pouch.  

it took a while,  to have the Sense of it all.   and the sense of it all made sense when she told me.  

"the small pouch with the snap came from my dad.  it held his rosary.  He prayed the rosary everyday for as long as I can remember."

the word that came to mind when i held the pouch was gabardine.  I don't know what gabardine is.  But i associate it as Male,  as like maybe a suit.  A scrap of a suit?  or a left over from the making of a suit?  It's plain and strong woven.  Quiet.  It's a quiet fabric.  The stitching,  done with honor of that quietness.  Bordering it,  but quietly.  Respecting something.  and to learn that it had held his rosary.  

 

 

The snaps.   Does anyone Out There have old snaps?  The brass/copper kind?  If you do,  i would be so so so happy to buy them from you.  Please Email me.  Please.

 

 

Irene's prayer,  so soft,  almost a whisper and then today,  oh!,  this fierceness!  This STAND and FACEness....she will know.

ready

the Kidding Pen.   For all practical purposes,  Done.

 

there are two partitions like this one.  They are removable.  To open the entire space which would be the case when there are not kidding does,  when it's the Milking Station.  

Daughter dreamed it up this way because it looked like there might be multiple births...?

We don't know what to do.  They are still fat.  Especially Celia.  They are still calm.  as in not coming into heat.  The Bucks are still peaceful as in not performing all the rut behaviors.   We are at the point of wanting to call the Vet back....if her  Ultrasound is working....?....     But does she know what she's doing?   Goats are different to some degree than other livestock.  We sit...look off and Wonder What To Do,  or the other option is to just wait.  See what happens.  They have totally recovered from the Evacuation.  Are all well and normal.   Maybe just wait?  or Not.    ??????????????

 

for Irene

the rock at the center bottom.   From Lake Superior,  Upper Peninsula,  Michigan.  To Oregon,  Arizona,  New Mexico,  Michigan,  New Mexico,  California.   Are rocks the Breast of the Earth?

 

a Prayer for Irene.  I hope everyone reads the comments...it's more than half of what this is,  this  blog

abundance and joy

i have cloth.  BEAUTY FULL cloth,  all kinds.

 

Baskets with Things.   Scraps and thread and string.  Bells and leather and a crows eye.  a white colored pencil and a magic stone

 

rocks from the Other Home in New Mexico.

i have so Much.  

this morning was Bright and Crisp.  the Season will change.  Soon.  I have so much.

one more journal post and we're done

finished unloading all the stuff i took.  Not much.  And  re evaluated what should be permanently in a tub in the truck bed.

We will be good to go.  

It's like beginning again.   There's a shift in the day today...the air is lighter,  no more the honey thick air of summer...today, the first day,  it's lighter.   As i sat waiting for Julian to get home from school,  i watched the flow of the creek...going going going,  always a creek but the water constantly different and flowing,  so same but not same at all...????

so today i feel that i will be able to do my best and my best will be good enough.    I type this sentence and pause to look at it.

yes.   so ok.  Now we go again.  And i am grateful.