i wake up and begin reading again. I have been folding over the tips of the pages that i need immediately accessible...maybe just one sentence, but that sentence. I do the cry no cry thing. Get over it and then two pages later, again.
looking out the windows, there are 5 windows from where i sit at the Everything Table, all i see is Trees. I am surrounded by Trees, encircled by Trees, held by Trees here in this travel trailer on a Hill in Northern California, the last place i would have ever imagined myself to end up. Roots run underneath this travel trailer. Closing my eyes and imagining this, i can't. There must be such a thick net. I want to work at trying to picture this. It's cold...45 degrees, a little warmer in here, but i haven't yet used the heater. Closing the door at night has been enough of a separation, heat is the final isolation from them.
They are waiting. 2 days toward the end of the 10 day forecast offers 50% chance of Rain. They wait how they always have, how they know how to do.
now and then i pick up and hold the small heavy black Buddha that Joanne sent me. I don't know what it's made of but it's heavy and its heaviness helps.
