windthread

i want

 

 

i want COLOR.   

i want  MORE color than this,  i want it how it would be in bright SunLIGHT.    Want to  RUN.   With these in my TEETH.  Big TEETH,  square bottomed TEETH  holding the strips of Color  that would some pull loose and fly on their own...because of my SPEED.  I want to RUN,  my flanks heaving,  that lather of foaming sweat creating designs in the hair of my neck.  I  want to RUN with COLORS,  all the COLORS of all the myriad creatures that millions of years of evolution has designed i want to suck in air through flared nostrils,  i want the whites of my eyes to glare around   dark dilated pupils  i want to wreak havoc  in civilized places,  knock things over lash out with my hind legs at any who would try to stop me,  i want to spin and whirl screaming that shrill sound that only a wild thing can utter

a day

Alyssia had two appointments in Sacramento at the VA.  the first at 10 am.  Second at 2.   It takes between an hour and  a half  and two hours drive.   So the kids arrived at 8 am.   Julian,  pre adolescent,  continued sleeping.  Emrie did not   The day was long.  It was raining.   This house is SMALL,  like,  really SMALL.   But we had a day.   A FINE day.  and when she got back,  she brought fruit from the Farmer's Market in the parking lot of the VA Hospital.   She has no cancer.  Whatever it is in her throat is just in keeping with the Whatever it is that's "wrong"with her.   Just some Unknown.   so we eat apples.

i looked

 

there were many things in my mind this morning.  Too many.  After a Tea,  i got the baggie of images and went through.  Took these out.   Looked long.   Not chosen for any reason,  just what asked to be taken out.   I see that they are somewhat or,  more,  dark.    I wonder what kind of book i will make?    I thought i would not go for Pretty.  That will be hard.  But make a book of what it's like for me now.   Be honest.

simple

things are simple.    Elegant.   Beauty FULLL.    just that.    simple, elegant, Beauty FULL.

you sit and know that.

and then,  you need to Go Out.

I am trying to get a California driver's license.  My N Mex license expires on December 30.  So...it's my fault that i waited.  Mea Culpa.    I'd thought that because i have a valid NM license it might be no biggie.   It's a biggie.   I thought that when i had to provide all kinds of proof when i applied for Social Security benefits,   that would be enough.

Not.

I am at the DMV today and they don't have a sense of humor.  Only once did  a blank stare switch to something i might call WARMTH.  

I tried to soften the experience by explaining to them that in the 1970's we did things because it was Interesting.   Like name changes.   That often in  Native tradition,  one changed their name to honor  a different Vision.   No one there was buying it.

 i am missing a chunk of my  "paper trail".    No way around it.   So i will spend the next some days,  whatever it takes,  obtaining records from 30 years ago.   So i can take the Papers in.   In the meantime,  although i have a meticulous driving record,  i will be traveling with  Expired license.   I asked her...can't you give me a note saying i'm Trying????   She stared blankly.  OK then.

 

and so

i had some time this morning before Jenny arrived.   Sat looking slowly at the pieces of paper Acey sent with the Kit.  This of course rose to the Top.

and yesterday the blank cards i'd finally found arrived....craft paper.  I like them and they were cheap.  Like,  really cheap.  And i followed the urge to see what these little Prayers looked like there,  those little prayers i'd made a couple months ago.  I just very much enjoyed ....beholding....them.

Since early,  at first glimpse of this Day,   Karma had been at Nogal's Fence.   Flagging.   Non stop.  Soon,  Mercy joined her.  Flagging but some less insistently.  Flagging none the less.    Short consultation and  Jenny gate tended while i kept Nogal occupied otherwise and first Karma came in.    a short time later,  Mercy.   We watched.   Nogal is a thoughtful lover.  Spends a lot of time wooing in a very gently way...a lot of nuzzling,  soft sounds,  a lot of head rubbing.  Pretending to mount but not.  Slow.  he enjoys anticipating.   Both of them Stood for him repeatedly   during all this foreplay and we are pretty sure he did his work.  I saw Mercy hunch.  Jenny thought she saw Karma.   We went off to do other things and left them there for a few hours.  If it was to be,  it would have been.

So.  I think i said this,  but maybe i didn't because of the fake news of recent past.  But i had let Caroline in with him in October.  She would not have been my choice but she was ready and we do want a couple of kids for the Kids.    And then there was that fateful morning a couple weeks after when i went down to feed and lo and behold,  there was Lucky Star,  the hussy,  who we would NOT have wanted to breed....INSIDE Sunny Ray's  Forest.  Lying down,  worn out,   pressed against his gate,  more than ready to come OUT.  She had somehow pried her large Doe Goat self into the connection of cattle panel and gate post, popping the nails  to enter.  Amazing.  But she is a very uhhhhh,  passionate Goat.       And then,  pretty much quiet.  Till this morning.  So doing the numbers,  Caroline around March 17,   Lucky Star  March 23.   And today  Karma and Mercy,  May 13th.   unless there really IS something here they eat that acts as birth control,  we should for sure have kid Goats come spring.   Life continues.    There are new really lovely little mushrooms along the road...never seen before.  I didn't take the phone/camera.

* * * * * * * * * * * ~ N E W ~ * * * * * * * * * * * *

My Old Nana Kit.    Direct from Acey's Sparkling Lotus  and SPARKLING IT IS!!!!!    I have never received any thing like this.  OR gotten my self anything like this.   And more,  it's the first NEW thing in my life in YEARS.  Even Spirit Cloth was in familiar territotry of cloth.    I have finger torn images and elmered them down to paper, poster board and a kitchen wall.   But this is something else Entirely.  IT HAS A VOICE.  Distinct and a harmony of all it's individual parts  that  sat so elegantly inside their box.  their

kit

i just SMILE.  Their kit.  I've never had a kit.  What an interesting word.

 

all This.  except the ruler and the manila envelope.   All  Inside the     Kit.

 

so here is my spot at the Everything Table.   As you can see,  there are Things.  But there is very much room for a

kit

and already,  the Individuals in the kit are talking among themselves.  Already they told me how when i learn how to,  i can make little BOOKS for Fate.  To send him,  once a month through the year,  in the Mail....as in to his mailbox,  where he lives  on his street in Sacramento.   I'd struggled.  What to give for .....Christmas....a dilemma,  a holiday that makes me uneasy.  The kids have a LOT of stuff.  And it's Stuff.   Fate in particular is not drawn in any deep way to Stuff.   Things don't have the same meaning to him.   It's unclear what does.  But the Kit is talking and says     Make little Books.   Let the mailperson bring them.  He would be into that...the mailperson bringing.   

so.   for now,  i will slowly look at all This.  Touch all the pieces.   Imagine Things.   Wait to begin.

THANK YOU,  Acey.

 

quiet in my self

finished.   Cannot put in shop.  Jude helps me with that...turning the pic upright.....and she's busy...turning herSelf upright.  But it might be spoken for.

what is she      doing     ?   Are her arms upheld in a Plea?    or Celebration    or some Joy  or simply gratitude    or?   Or all those things,  sometimes one  other times the other as days go

the challenge of the Trees....their Oakness finally became visible for me,  i hope it can be seen by other eyes.

 

someone's Beauty FULL doorway

Talkie put her Self to bed tonight.   I went out to look for her.   She was already there.  There is some weariness of Rain.  Sunday there will be Sun. 

ok

this is  Electricity.    10 x 12,  11 deep.   There are 3.  They rotate here to Alyssia's where they are recharged with conventional electricity. back around.  Sometimes there's 2 here,  one for backup.   depending on how stuff goes.  In these last couple days there were 2,  neither of which had charge.  Reason unknown.

 

 

 

the dependence on these.   Without ,  there is no phone which means no way to call Out,  especially if i need help.   and then,  no cyberworld.  no laptop.  no blog.  no reading.  Only a Forest

Only      a forest

I thought about how for 60 some of my years it didn't exist.   What about this, grace?   I asked,  then sat,  waiting for an answer and in 

rapid succession,  answers came.  4 of them immediately.   As unlikely as it may seem,  the laptop brings love.  Love.

Love.

i hope it can Give Love too.

 

 

tonight,  a Full Moon

 

coming up the road,  back,  there are so many of these leaves,  each perfect and so OAK.   I carried this one up tonight,  and was flooded with the memory of grade school.. being assigned a Report.  How much i loved that ,  was just buzzed by the thought...going to the dime store,  getting the folder with pockets,  those little foldy things to hold in the notebook paper,  how i needed both lined for the report its self and then unlined for the illustrations...in this case,  the pocket would hold a leaf.

this is the same thing.   Here,  i write Reports.  Just because i so much love to Tell it.

battery problems

things

 

 

Acey is offering an extremely excellent tutorial of book making,  pamphlet making,  Collage  and way more than these,  she offers this because of overflowing love of Everything...that's the way i would say it,   Overflowing Love of Everything,  Acey has overflowing love of everything and wants the Energy of that to FLOW   nichobella at Sparklinglotusink.typepad.com

over the years i have found collage to be extremely Extreme.   How just choosing random images can work so much magic for the Heart and Mind.   I used to have piles of magazines and newspapers.  Piles.  Not anymore.   I have a few National Geographics here.   Most i've taken to the Laundromat and left on one of the folding tables there.  

Today i went through one and finger tore any pic that spoke.  There are 2 more than you see here.  More trees.

 

and then down in the Wall Garden.   This mullien,  that appeared of its own accord.  2 ft across.  Its leaves.  Its leaves.  I can't think of anything to say about its leaves that would be Nothing compared to its leaves