windthread

water walking

the tree frogs have begun speaking.  At Beth's they are Spring Peepers.   Here,  Winter Peepers.  They are appearing in the Wall Garden.  

Jenny, her man and i put up greenhouse plastic on the open upper part of the Kidding House.  It's where Talkie's crate has been,  where i have been putting her in the evening.  Closing the crate door.   She has continued to head for the Oak Tree,  to get to her branch.   I begin watching for her from 3:30 on.  Somewhere between then and 4 she makes her way up the trunk.  I don't think she goes to sleep right away?,  maybe just enjoys the view till dark falls?  But it's too high to see her eyes so i don't know.   She hasn't quit wanting to do this.  It's been over a week now or more.....   The other eve we were distracted and she snuck up.  RAIN was forecast all night,  so Alyssia climbed on the roof of her car,   pulled the branch down and while i used the big leaf rake to block escape to higher further branches,  she finally was able to gather her up.  Wasn't easy.   For us or for Talkie.  Hence,  the plastic.   It's a big space for her now.  She can choose when to get into her crate nest or just perch around.   She has a pie plate with food and another with water.  She can walk around when she wakes up now.  The whole floor of it is covered with straw and she enjoys scratching around in there.   While we worked today she came in and out,  at one point going into her crate for a while and when she left and i looked,  there was an egg.   The egg business has no longer been every day.  Maybe this disruption?  or maybe because she's 2 and more sensitive to the short daylight?    I was so grateful for her so perfect and Fine egg.  

so in the morning,  she will have AGENCY.   Some.  Till i come out and open the door to the big House and set her FREE.  Not like being able to choose your own branch,  but better than closed in the crate.  We compromise.  Being Loved is hard i guess.

 

 

 

 

 

 

today....stuff is Real

go to   

listentotheroad.blogspot.com

Look

at her Cloth

listen.

this is OUR american life

how numb have we become to border stories?

still slow

just some more,  but it feels Very GOOD....it will all be ok.

I am missing Spirit Cloth.   Went there,  clicked on Instagram at the top of her page and yes....there are some pics  

But it feels so empty there.

 

what?

left door  (and screen door)  open a while this morning to Air Out.  

~.~

 

my friend Jane,  from 17 years old,  sent this

Washington Post  opinions  2019/27/11   opinions  some trauma really is unspeakable so these women are sewing their stories instead.

Common Threads Project

rest. breathe. feel.

This Exchange.   The sharing of Sentience.    There are so many things i want to say,  but they aren't ready to be said.  I need to wait.   What i am sure about is that i have Opened.    Through no conscious intent,  but something at a deeper level  that doesn't know what it's opening To,   but is completely Willing.   I want to rest now a little,  if it can be that way,  just breathe a while

 

Time of Looks Within. Everything led to Here

This

 

This

This.    These.   These are what i would grieve.  If they could not continue.   These are where my Love is.   

29 or so years ago,  i drove in that 1975 old Ford Econoline van,  drove,  back across this America,  from Oregon/Arizona back to Michigan  because my daughter had blithely created yet one more child and said...come.  I need you.  Help me.  I drove and saw the most amazing sunset EVER and drove more,  fearing,  because i had so little gas,  to a gas pump in nowhere and went in to pay.  Rosebud Reservation.  South Dakota.  There was silence there.  I used the bathroom.  Came back to the counter.  Silence.  I paid for the gas and the man said....what are you Doing?  i said,  going back.   He said...Time of Looks Within.  

I left and drove,  i know it was this time of year because everywhere i went,  deer were running.  Hunting season.

Time of Looks Within.

I have changed.   in this third Rain Season.  I have changed.  it's True.  Real.   

I arrived on December 11th.  A first Rain Season.  I was shocked and unable to understand anything.   Months passed and last year,  after that first long Fire Season i knew more.   

But this time....oh,   this time.   This Time i am sometimes delirious with the THING OF IT ALL here....today...the SMELL of it,  i could say scent, fragrance,  but it is SMELL.  SMELL of Rain soaking down,  IN,  SEEPING,  Seeping down IN  deep deep

DEEP

It kept raining.  Non stop.   and  instead of having feelings about that,  i found self peacefull,  wondering.   HOW do i do this?

and i remembered back and thought to imagine.  To Visualize mySelf and i did.   I couldn't go back there to that place at the B Garden.  It was pouring.,,,,so i Visualized what it might be,  if i could.   I saw myself walking up and over there...followed Self as witness and saw mySelf kneeling there.   From my pocket i took small pieces of paper.  a pen.  I wrote things on the paper,  i wrote my griefs and each i set into that bowl.    Rain would soak them.   And i saw that in time,  when it was Enough,  i would carry the bowl of griefs and pour them into the compost.  Give them to this Earth to eat.

 

how this Hill rolls down to the creek/canal   which is beginning to GREEN.   Winter.  and it is beginning to GREEN.

two hearts, one heartbeat

it rained all day.   I carried the Doe  Goat feed up the hill and put it in their shelter where it's dry.  SonnyRay and Jacks new feeder kept theirs dry and Nogal,  i cheated and fed small clump of alfalfa that he eats very quickly.  Talkie hung with the Doe Goats in their Place.  

It was a long day.  At one point i was very surprised to see that it was only 12:30.  Like that.   If there had been a break in it i would have come back here,  above,  and continued.  If you click to enlarge,  you can see that piece of wood Form that was over the gate in New Mex.  and just next to it,  the Diamond shaped one that was the mast of the Raft in that desert.  Here now.

but too much rain,  so i found the pencil to see what might want to show up and it was a woman kneeling.  Took a while to get just this much...what does kneeling LOOK like?   I would close my eyes and try to see then try with the pencil.  I had remembered to go to Joanna Macy's Website yesterday...the Work that Reconnects.....    She does not shy away from Truth,  and i found solace there,  i also found determination and  willingness to Go Well.

Soon it will be Solstice which always is a Beginning to me...the turning to the Light...the Good just going.   I realize i feel like i live with two hearts.  One so easily celebrates Joy,  is so wide open to Receive all that this place can teach,  all that is so Beauty Full and Fierce and brilliantly Creative  and FINE   and then a second heart that is the other part of that Love,  that is so grief stricken with the lack of will on the part of humanity to face....as it was so aptly named...the inconvenient truth.  We move some in that direction,  but only some and we may not have enough time.    

 

 

one of her Practices is the Despair Ritual.    In the days ahead,  i will build that cairn.  Place a circle of stones.   Create a place to take the grief that is just up and over from the Garden there where JOY grows.   Two Hearts.  One Love.  Work on that.