windthread

all day, Back to the Garden

 

 

potato that wintered over

 

a single Miners Lettuce that self seeded in the raised bed at A.

 

they live.   The clover and the Crazy Grass all among them...i pull  to free space for them.   Free sunlight.   I don't know what to do.

 

the mullein,  her second year when a spire and a bloom will come.   And on the wall behind and above,  a beautyful example of that Crazy Grass...it's tenaciousness,  fierceness that you just have to marvel at

 

the across the road neighbor.   This is across Carefree Way.   They raise horses but also alternate pasturing of cattle,  sheep and sometimes even Goats.   Geese.  Chickens.   It's a very Vocal place.  All day you can hear the doings there.   There is no access to CareFree road...their entry is at  the top of their Place and over at the far side,  above the rooster swamp.

i went down early.   my bag that Deb Lacativa sent some long time ago full with what i might need...coffee in a thermos,  the phone,  pencil and paper,  u nails for the cucumber trellis,  other stuff....   intending to spend the day.  and i did.   no hurry. None.   I did things and sat inbetween the doings.    All into the time to do the evening feed of Goats and they were somewhere else,  so i leisurely filled their pans that are outside that A garden fence now that Caroline and the two little ones are sequestered.  I don't know where they were,  so i just went out in the road up and CALLED,,,,GOAtS!!!!   Come Come...GOATS!  Onna,  Onday!!!!!   ComeCome and they did,  like a herd of buffalo,  raising dust.   Here...you would never know that there is What There Is Out There.    Here there is no sign of it.   It's vibratingly Alive  and ALIVE and WELL...it is so so WELL.  I think of this.   The virus is organic,  it is a living thing,  rising up from the same Earth?   Being "born" and living.   ???????   

 

 

 

 

not knowing

 

Alyssia and Emrie came to bring the batteries and ice.   To go through the Imperfect Food list.   I went out to meet them at the car.   Helped unload.   Emrie made a B line for the door and i looked to Alyssia...????  yes or no....and she looked off and nodded.  So it was like it always was/is.   We spent a lot of time with the baby Goats,  Emrie giving love and more love and holding and kissing.  We moved in one of the table benches for them to climb on,  jump on because this morning they were using Caroline for that.  It's a long,  high enough bench...i'll take a pic tomorrow...to satisfy their DESIRE.   for now.   We sat at the table IN here and went through the seeds.   Emrie played with her loved things while we did that.   

we don't know.   

They are taking all the Plaquenil.   The one single drug that she uses for the Lupus.   The one single drug she uses for anything.  it slows the progression.   She cannot get a refill.   

when she was leaving,  she said out the window....do you want some masks?   I stood there.... just looking and thinking....and i don't know.   Should I?     I said i don't know....what is she doing?,   Not the masks yet,  but she doesn't know either.  We don't know.    I said....i'm waiting for something to signal   TIME.....she nodded.   And so we go.

i stitched Her a dress...or,  an underdress.  a slip.   Slips.  no one wears slips anymore.   But an underdress that i can baste thing to.   impermanent things.   Just for looking,   for sensing.    Today,  one of the little prayers.   

 

i want to..........

i want to put things here that are comforting,  uplifting,  energizing,   BeautyFULL,  creative and creatively  inspiring.   IMMEDIATE.    But Alas.

Acey said something that i love....i asked in an email if i could  quote it here and it is late in the day and i think she is off line now,  the 3 hours difference,  her and me,   

OH YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   she just said    "Sure".  (i was going to trust that it would be ok and post it )

What she said was...

"i will just focus on what i know to be true and trust love to flow outward from there...."

so...what's most important to me...paramount .....is love,  in this time of Unknown.   We need  Love as an anchor,  All kinds of love,   coming to us and emanating from us....we need,  like really NEED love.   in any form at all.    In any time frame at all.  Immediate love or love that takes  long coming.   

And know that i LOVE everyone that comes here,  known or unknown,   that i wish for US ALL,  days of Beauty,  of  Joy amidst the confusion and fear.   That i wish.  Wish so much to bring Pretty,   but  although so many things cannot help but be Pretty,  like a flower's blossom,  i won't  uhhhhh,   "manufacture"  any sense of pretty.   

Do you get what i'm struggling to say?   Maybe i don't even need to say it...?   

i just spent a long time on the PHONE with Sparrow in Michigan...long time and we wandered through this...and

i hope all is just OK.  

dressed in Sky

 

everyone came today.   Jenny and her man earlier,  bringing bales of feed.   She also brought cucumber starts,  onion starts and a jalapeno.    We sat OUT with the kid goats,  marveling.   Laughing.   She took the propane tanks down to Lakeside and when she went in to pay,  they have erected 2x4 frames with plastic in front of the registers to protect their cashiers who are now wearing nitrile gloves.   She reached into her pocket and handed the change from the $50 i'd given her...Cooties she said.   I pocketed it,  the Cootie money.   It's there,  right now.  in my right pocket of my levis.   I did wash my hands,  but.....

Alyssia and the kids came  to bring ice for the refrigerator and batteries for this laptop and the phone.  They went right away OUt to the Kidding House,  the Curry House,   and hung out there,  playing with the Two Babies and it was such JOY on the part of the kid Goats and for them....Such Silliness,     But then when they came out,  she got the kids into the Car...i said....you aren't staying?  and she said No....i want them to get used to not coming IN. ....the cooties. 

O.

So.

Things ratchet up.   

for right now,  the Cooties Rule.   i feel sad.   Particularly....i miss Emrie here.  IN here,   how she is....showing me things,  telling me things.   I didn't ask Alyssia more....she is how she is,  and talks about things as she can.   I don't know her PLAN. Maybe she doesn't really have one yet.   Maybe she's winging it in the moment,  an experiment,   and so we go.    For the third day,  Talkie has laid her egg down in the feed house,  in the Buck's grass hay.   One needs to be careful not to squash it.  It rained off and on,  tomorrow forcasted to be the same but then after that,  warm and SUNny.   I will PLANT

EARTH:   teach me.   Please.

 

a Love day

i look at Her.   I "dressed" her.   in a single scrap,  a leaf  and the sprig of dried miner's lettuce.   it's Enough.   More than  enough.   Great satisfaction in this.   (Kathy O....another Little Bird)

 

 

Hollyhock's second year

 

in the little A meadow,  down by the grapevines....not there last year.   Tiny.   There are many.   I think about how so many plant beings have 5 petaled blooms

think more about "what i say,"   or would say,  in the forest here.   to the presence of the Trees,   the Earth.   How the constant play of that mind tape is meaningless.    How Breath,   sound,   as in toning,   is  Of this Place.   How "words",  that are visuals,  can have meaning.   But the endless ceaseless whir of words means nothing and actually might be uncomfortable to a leaf.

the next today

i have no memory of this.   Woke this morning to find it.    Maybe at the end of the night,  when trying to close everything Out?  or....maybe a Selfie.  

 

 

Thinking today.   What might it be like if all that is going around in my mind could be said Out Loud,   in this forest?   How would it sound?    If the TREES and understory listened.   What would they hear?   What might it Mean to Them?   What sense might they be able to make of it?,  the ever repeating tapes?   How would   this FEEL to this Forest?    

She

  

cheese cloth is not the ideal stuffing.   Nor is the urgent technique i fell into.....fast....just fill.   But it's all ok.  I know what i wanted to know.    Can i make a figure easily and with no need for "preciousness".    Can  i  make a  figure  to  simply  receive a blind urge.   yes.    I used to make and sell  "angels".  sewed by machine.  I could do that blind after a while.   Many hundreds of them.   I used colorfully dyed  mohair  yarn for hair....each  strand individually stitched into place.  There were Guardian Angels and Wish Angels.  They had words.   The wish angels had instruction.    That seems another lifetime.   I used to make "art dolls"  fiber bodies and the carved faces and hands.   Hundreds of them.  Some lifesize.   I used to use Alyssia's face to make the gauze and plaster strip mask for the lifesize ones.  She was maybe 6, 7, and 8 years.   That's from another life,  too.   

it's been a loooooong time.   Why this, why now?    

 

 

 

 

 

 

try again

 

tried 5 times last eve to edit pics upright.   We'll see this morning.  won't know till i push publish.   Am using cheese cloth from long ago,  Dharma Trading.  it's lumpy,  but that's ok.  What i want is a form.   a body.  a human form.  

 

she loves her schoolbus.   Said the engine was broken,  has a flat tire.  Needed a screwdriver.

jumping

Running and Jumping.   All important.   just running and jumping.    An overturned feed tub.....their young hooves drumming on it.   

Today was day 5.    When they were BORN,  you could feel the horn buds....at birth.    

Alyssia picked them up.   in the cat carrier.   Drove them to transfer to Jenny in Chico who took them to the most recommended person of Two by Two Farm to disbud.    This is controversial,  disbudding....but we did it.    I can't justify it to those that would not.   We just did it.   As we have in the past.  Some to great success,  some not so much at all...like Sunny Ray,   whose disbudding by the vet in Socorro didn't   "take",   Nogal.   Cinderella who is now gone across the River .   

if you want to know,  you can look it up.    The kids smell funny when returned to their mother,  can be rejected because of this ...so...Vicks.   OR what we did today,   Tea Tree Oil.   On the burn horn buds and on the nose of the Doe Goat.   All went well.    She was just quiet waiting.   It was a couple hours and on return,  smelled their butts and all was well.  They drummed.   As if it were nothing at all.   They sat,  held,  caressed,   as if it were nothing at all.   The feeling in the pit of my stomach  eased.  Done.  One more day on the Hill.  I gave water at B and things there are blooming.   Enough of Goats.   Back to what Gives GREEN.

LOVE again,  to All of US as we go.   Love.

 

choice

it was a day that seemed to go on forever.   it had no Time.   it only had doings.  and they flowed,  one into another and were intense and full of feeling and full of physical doing and full of Life itself.   Life.   LIFE.   it began in a difficult and awkward for me way of my son,  expressing anger at my daughter on her facebook page.   How so much i DO not like Facebook.  But there it was and he was extremely distraught by the fact that she continues to come here,  that we all...her, Alyssia, kids are seeming to flaunt  caution in extreme times.   He was ANGRY.    I understand.  it is true.  i will be toast if i meet up with this virus.  it is true that Alyssia is compromised to the extent that she is at Risk.   There is no denying these things .   He is correct.   His FEAR is also without question.    But....how do we go?   

We unloaded feed in pellet form.   New kinds,  timothy and alfalfa mix for the bucks.   Dug earth and placed  what Jenny calls Pickle Jars,   food grade plastic containers...these were for Olives...i'll have to take a pic for you to understand them,   barrels.  There is gossip on the farm exchanges about a sudden dearth  of feed possible,  which doesn't make sense,  Right?   But what does anymore.   So that  and before and in the midst of ,  we spent time with the babies who we are totally intent on being  human oriented.  For that to happen,   hours of the day,  everyday,  they need human contact.  

Emrie learned how to pick up a baby.   She listens Care FULL y and follows step by step.   SUCCESS and we Celebrate.  

What all to say.   We Go.   on.   into  our lives.   Sitting with Jenny before all else,  just watching the babies,  i heard Self going on about what i Believe.   as i said it outloud to her,  i said it to myself aloud...that the EARTH is SPEAKING.  That mycelium is speaking  to these Doe Goats,  to  Caroline,  to the babies....informing them.   That the TREES here....they too,  lean over  us and speak with invisible words,  informing us.   It's crazy.  but i believe it's True.   In the past...Jenny would have stared off into the distance of not listening.   She did not today....she looked down,   at the grass we sat on,  a gentle and soft gaze.

There is so much Love happening