so.
we've made it so far. No one is sick.
Jenny, who works at the hospital. No longer comes when Alyssia and the kids are here. This is a big deal. You see Emrie's "office"...her fisher price phone and broken plastic adirondack chair. We called Jenny, New Nana, a few times. Emrie said she was mad. I said we would see her soon, when her WORK said she could come. There was no way we could find words or thoughts that would work. So we left it at this.
Things shifted today. Alyssia was up to doing a big shopping. What that ended up meaning, was, she now is the designated Out Person. She was
care Full
about my sense of Agency.
how was it? if she got Everything for Everyone? How would i feel about that?
she's not much for a lot of chitchat ahead of time and here we were. I needed things. She was ready. The question to me was how did i feel about not going myself?, did i mind that? was i stir crazy?
I don't ever feel any need to leave this Hill. none. but i also am concerned about a sense of burden for her....not only caring for herself and her kids, but also for what i need... We talked. Honest and straightforward. She is confident in her ability to maneuver in the world....because of her physical challenges with the autoimmune, she has refined her "tools" to the utmost. She is confident. I asked her. Do you trust yourself more than you trust me? Yes.
so here we are. For the Long Haul, as far as what we know. I stay Here. Emrie and Julian, when he wants to, can come here. They can continue to be Free on this Hill. It will be a safe zone. It will be the Other Place from their home where they can be.....6 acres of it. Goats. 2 Gardens. Trees. Sky. a chicken and a dog and cat. an old Nana. The day i spent with Emrie cannot be found in words. at the end of it, when she was in her car seat, leaving, i said to her...thank you for coming...she said i come here, oush Nana. There is nothing. Nothing that could equal that.
Bless Us All. This EARTH DAY. we will go. however we can.
