a while ago Jude was talking about her notebooks and i remembered. I have always loved Office Supply Stores. I remembered how much i had off and on loved Binders. Then, these particular binders, i think they're called Project Binders. Their soft covers and slim. not a school binder, but i did love those too. But in the last 20 years sometime, i loved these, to hold pages of writing but also clear page protectors that i could slide clippings, photographs, magazine images into, even dried blades of grasses. I had many. Many never used, but you never know, so you get extra. When i left N Mex i took them to the thrift shop except for this one which was down in one of the bins at Campsite B. All the talk of notebooks had gotten me going..something New amidst re Repeat of the days, amidst this limbo i was/am experiencing with cloth making. Just something different. When i retrieved it from the bin i saw that there are many of the clear page savers inside. YEs!, and i ordered some unlined notebook paper from Amazon. Which was delivered to Alyssia's address on Thursday while i was there. it has some tooth....takes graphite, more Yes. On friday, i set the beauty Full blank pages in. Just sat. feeling it.
then on my left, atop the basket was this and i slide it in to a first page protector which also had a black insert.
yesterday, early, i thought. Maybe. and unrolled this Cloth that Crow had been keeping. Slipped that in too. am not sure at all about how that feels...it being contained? i don't know. But for this time being, it will be ok. it's a little too long so extends beyond the cover which i like.
and then the blank pages. What do i want to write in here? For so long now i have used the stenographer's notebooks and for any drawing, the hard bound sketch notebook.
time to finish the day, feed and give water and as i went down the Hill, Tay bolted and there at the bottom were the WolfHybrids from next door. oh, e and i yelled in my most terrible way and they ran with Tay behind and me behind more and across over and across the meadow to their fence line but got stopped and Tay is running back and forth, they just freeze and are totally focused...the Wolf...but then neighbor Dave appears, their rope leashes in hand saying he heard me yelling...and as he always does, he says they are just curious, won't hurt anything and as i always respond, maybe not until they do and i again tell short version of my days with my wolf/hybrid, the heartache of that just so he knows i hold nothing against them but just DO NOT WANT THEM HERE, CANNOT HAVE THEM COMING and he says i know, i know, and he leashes them but wonders how to get them back over the fence and i stand silent then say we will walk to the gate so he gets himself over the fence and we go, me and Tay ahead, him and his dogs trailing across the meadow along the Goat path above Campsite A and the Wall Garden over to the road and down to the gate. He tells me as we go that his mother who is in her 80's cannot do anything and he has to go everyday for her and his woman Angela who had a stroke a couple years ago doesn't go out because of the virus so that too and i say yes, i understand, i don't go anywhere and he says, Do you like it here though?....he always asks that....and i say yes. I love it and we got to the gate and i said thank you Dave, you are a good neighbor. And he goes off down the road, a man of a certain age and his two huge dogs. He's lived there 20 years and doesn't have electricity either.
and it's getting late by then, Evening has begun and i give water and begin to walk back Up and suddenly there is no Evening anymore but something very Different and Un Identifyable a complete SHIft and it began.
Thunder.
no Goats to be seen and Rain began. It had been forecast. It had been 90 something all day but suddenly was NOt. I came in and closed the windows, ran back out to close the one that needs to be manually opened and closed outSide, back just as the downpour came.
Sudden DARK and
THUNDER that was Everywhere, that filled the entire space of EveryThing, Dimensional Thunder, 3D Thick, Rolling, All consuming all space of Hills and Valleys, everywhere at once, filling all space, all things, Thunder i had never known before reaching into and under and into my bones, this tin house shaking and vibrating with each ROLL, stones on the window sill falling to the floor, Rolling of its self into its self, rolling rolling rolling non stop...no pause...non stop lightening flashing but inconsequential within the Voice of the Thunder.
Rough gods i thought and closed my eyes. I saw all the news clips of cities on fire, human beings in the streets, i watched in my mind and suddenly thought to do Tonglen.
am so grateful to have this practice in this time....so Strong, the anguish that i breathed in....to feel that...to feel that as i heard the Rough gods all around. Yes. Yes. Now's the Times.
