windthread

once again. How Things can go

 

 

T

Yesterday Acey  emailed about  co-creation in her Garden.   She said  it was indicated that it might have some unknown relevance for me.   She talked about using Chrysoprase  and that she remembered sending me a stone years ago.   She went on to other things.   There were specific sentences throughout the mail that  "tingled"....that said...take note.   I would reread these but there was nothing that actually Said SomeThing.   but first,  the memory of the Chrysoprase and i went to find it where it stays now in the  Container of Safe Keeping.   As i pulled that container toward me,  my arm brushed the cloth bag that holds 4 Tarot decks....that had been in the storage unit...but was finally brought here.   With the Chrysoprase in hand,  went back to continue reading her mail.  She mentioned a dream in which she and James Wanless,  Creator of the Voyager Tarot,  were sitting under the Morning Tree...the OAK tree,     Here    and he clarified for her that  it was  not her that had issues with someone,  but rather that They had issues with her....this is a loose paraphrase...but it was distinctly another of those Tingle moments that said...Take Note.   

That bag of cards...stretched tight because of the oversized Voyager Tarot.    There were a couple other references to this deck.  I went again and got it.   Sat it infront of me as i finished the mail and thought about all it had said.   Sat and wondered.   How might there be something relevant to me in all this?....specifically?   So i shuffled the cards.    Chose the first that would indicate the Situation at Hand.    XIV.   in this and the Toth Deck....ART.   In the traditional Ryder Waite,  Temperance.  this card ruled by Sagittarius....my sign.   I chose the second card that indicates what "crosses" the Situation at Hand,  things that factor in,  things that are necessary to consider.   The 3 of Wands...in this Voyager deck,   Compassion.   i stared.   and went back to her final sentences in her mail....

"if people do focus on their light and love and strongest world/human beliefs,  they are  putting that juice into the global matrix.  It doesn't just take us individually out of our darker aspects of what we see and feel at this specific time.   It RESISTS obliteration and energetic breakage and instead regenerates.  If our species is to have a reasonable chance of subsisting ~ this will all be SO SO important even if any of us individually are not around to witness the outcome."   

                                                                        And in that second reading,  after the cards,  i KNEW.   Heavy on my heart...me and Julian.    This is my third summer here.  he is 10 years old.  biologically.  The first two summers we talked about how he would leave a week after school got out and be gone to New Jersey to his dads until a week before school resumed.  We all talked about how we wished we had TIME in the summer.  We talked about all the things we might do...together.  He and alyssia, emrie,  jenny,  her man,  me,  his uncle Jeff and cousins Fate and Brinley,  Aunt Tiara...  and this summer.....this summer,  he can't go.   His gramma there,  who he stays days with when his dad is at work,  is in a Senior Apartment...lockdown.   He CAN BE HERE!   And all there is...face to face...is his mother,  Emrie,  and.....me.   so...sometimes,  me and him.  here we are.  me and him.   me and him who have an interesting and often difficult relationship.  He disagrees with me.  a LOT.  on a variety of things.   ...we might notice:  i say...He disagrees with Me.   here's a funny example.   National Geographic arrives with a magnificent map of the world tucked in the pages as they do.   I whip it out....LOOK! i exclaim!  This so great map!   He does not look but continues glued to his phone and something of his world there.   I unfurl the map and say on the opposite side there's even a topographical view!!!!!!!!!!oh, eeeeeee!!!!!!!!  He ignores me.   I say,  JULIAN!   LOOK!  he finally says....i don't like geography.   I stare at him.   mind thinking,      it's not geography i say...it's our planet!  Its the planet upon which all of us stand,  our FEET,  we stand on it              He remains silent and absorbed in his whatever it is.   Done.

He's extremely bright.  When he was little,  we would refer to him as an old soul.    Now it feels like something different and yesterday that was weighing SO HEAVY on my heart.   Here we are.  We have all his summer break.  I,  me,  old nana,  am the only human being he will directly interface with.    HOW CAN I DO thIS?????????   

and there the cards fell.     I never had a book that accompanied the Voyager deck.  Interpretations differ and all offer different views.  The book i do have here is Mirror of the Soul..Gerd Ziegler   for the Toth deck which was the one i used.   So,  i  look there.

these are many words,  but these are the words that caught me and they are Enough.   Unification of opposites,  balance,  creative power,  the melting of contradiction is the major step toward oneness,  the bringing together of opposites in preparation for generating something new  and it goes on.  so much more.  But it redirects me.   not....how do i Fix Julian,  but how  do i fix ME...and how i fix me is to trust.  Trust intuition.  Trust looking Inside.   And i just go back to the Illustrations on the cards themselves.  No book needed.   Just the Illustrations of the cards.   

 

 

this is a substantial cloth of cotton.  has some stains.   from my beloved thrift shop in Socorro N Mex.  62 X 46.    I will

quilt

it.   

Squares.   edges stitched  under.   Maybe a central design?...or not.   but i will.  I will make a blanket quilt.  Why? to answer the question of the other day.....Why?   all i can say is because i love so much  the "Tina".  Tina made a quilt and sent it to me.  At the time,  i thought....oh!...it's BeautyFull,  but i have a comforter,  a wool blanket.   but since,  and this was right before the Evacuation of 2018,  the Campfire,  since,  i absolutely cannot imagine living without The Tina.    She is lightweight,  she is STRONG.  I wash her in Alyssia's washing machine and all her seams are FIRM and sure.   Every night,  even now,  when it's 100 degree days,   she is there in those few early morning hours to hold some warmth until it all begins again.   And   Tina herself is present.  Her great Heart and such Big Love....how she just did it.  Made it and sent it,  out of that Love.   And all the years i have watched Jude piecing together all her squares into BeautyFull forms,   the squares,  the squares......the squares....the ORDER of squares.   and 

suddenly...writing this....i think....to know how to go toward Julian.   He likes order.   He likes the Tina a lot.   So...maybe doing this will help me know something about all that??????  oh....eeeee??????????

 

can i keep you?

went to Alyssia's house.   Her follow up appt. at the Spay/Neuter clinic was today.   For 'Julian's" dog.  Pickle.   I won't say much about that.   just basic facts.   Julian told Jenny that all he wanted for Christmas was his OWN dog.   She bought him an English Mastiff,    because Alyssia had said off and on something about wanting a Big dog.  They have an old fox terrier.   Pickle is big.    Julian likes the literary images of things...like  one's own dog.   or here,  on the Hill,  one's own Goat.   He imagines puppies that follow you everywhere.  He's not so much about the reality of things.  He's not interested in conversations about these things.  That said,  i went to Alyssia's and hung out with Emrie while she took the dog for his booster shots and chip.

there's a feral cat.   She's had 3 litters since they moved there,  only one had survived of the three litters until this pregnancy.  They let her IN.   3 excellent kittens.  She had them in Emrie's room.  From the beginning,  first day,  eyes closed,  Emrie held them.  She learned the concept of KEEP.   Alyssia repeating,  we can't KEEP them.  and a few days ago,  a person came and took all three.  

today,  Emrie and i drew with chalk  on the cement under their car port.   We floated stuff in the pool that we couldn't swim in cause it has green stuff growing in it.  We pretended a lot of things and sang a lot of songs.  At one point,  she was tired.  Her eyelids heavy and she wanted to sit together in the rocking chair,  the one of Alz. B;s that her husband Lee had built her.  We barely fit together but we do.  just enough and we sat.  Her drifting and me too.    She was looking up at me and into the grape vines overhead and she said

old nana.  Can I keep you?

 

the Cloth...it's the first spirit house Cloth.   is on a black rayon ground...from Dharma Trading,  maybe 15 years ago.  The image is edgy but the Cloth itself,  so soft of hand.

 

 

 

found

surprise.   Looking for cloth that might be the ground for the spirit house....deep in a basket.   Look!,  what i did.  i forgot.  and all neat seams...a kind of piping even!?   

 

i rinsed it out,  wet,  and hung it in Wind.   Watched all day as it fluttered.

 

WAY back,  in the beginnings of Jude.   The top is a shirt to which a skirt of an old sheet was attached.  Look at the little Spirit Cloth Nine Patch insignia there....Smile.....

what i love is that i stitched the squares neatly.  firmly.     some with turned edges.    Neat.   I see that i COULD maybe make a uhhhhhh, a normal blanket quilt.   One that could take repeated laundering as bedding must.    I could.   Do i want to?   Why would i want to?   This is a big question for me.   Why    would i want to?   I put this away in the closet.   But the question lingers,  hovering mid air.

yesterday/today

so...from yesterday...Cucumbers.   Today,  some had grown an inch!...the cucumbers,  not the vines

 

early.

 

this day has moved.  Moved.   

this rock,   from when Emrie and I were along the bank of the creek.  it's WEIGHT is wonder FULL....solid,  substantial,  of Use.  it is so perfectly formed...i wonder if it might be from the Peoples' grinding stones?   is perfect in the palm.  a while back,  when i was down at the Wall Garden,  Next Door Dave's dogs appeared and shortly after,  Dave's woman,  Angela,  dragging their rope leashes all apologizing but at the same time repeating their mantra....they won't hurt anything...they are just curious ....and me responding with ....probably not,  but they cannot be here...

and then in the extended exchange she asked me if i'd found  "artifacts".   and went on to say that she and Dave had come over here through the years and collected MANY artifacts...the grinding bowls/stones,  arrowheads, etc.   That they had them all over their yard.

no...i said.  We have found none.   and internally thought...because you took all of them.

but here.   This stone.  rock.  perfect in the palm.  and there is such a sense of Balance to hold it

determination.......*Ends up missing a pic. I'll post that tomorrow, maybe.

 

we're talking now about Next Year.   Already.   We already had this conversation.  Twice.   but here we are,  repeating ourselves.  WHAT do we want to grow?    WHAT do we EAT,  all the time.   Would buy from a store.   Grow that.    

Cucumbers.   Last year they were bitter.  Maybe less water than they needed?   or,  as my Farmer's Market Guy said..."just the long ones.  Only plant the long ones".    Here we have both.  Jenny brought pickling cucumbers,  little plants.    I planted seeds for the "long ones".   We have both.  We do not have the Straight Eights.    I watch them closely.  Some holes in some leaves.  Amongst them  there are more and more Basil,  self seeded from last year.   A and i talked today about making Pesto,  the freezer thing...in an ice cube tray.   No one loves Basil a LOT.  Once in a while is good.  But.........Basil  WANTS to grow.  Like,  really.  Really wants to grow.  Lots.  Compromise.  While i studied this,  the Hawks kept their motion above.   I think there must be a nest.  Young ones.   I listen...watch the flight patters,   the design of their coming and going amidst just some TALL PINES.  Basil, Cucumbers and Hawks.

 

 

i didn't want to do Anything today.   Felt FLAT.   

and what always works and is uhhhh,   satisfying,  is picking out the threads of seams.   From clothing,  so,  mechanical seams,  tight.   Slipping the tip of the scissor in and cutting,  above and below and pulling out...it could be tedious,  but it's not...just very satisfying....pulling the old threads out,  freeing the edges.....seeing their fibers...loose.  Free.

What. Why. And Entire Pieces Missing. Dear Typepad, this is not working.

 

after READing,  the Wall Garden where i was startled by the size of the Volunteer Tomato.  i'd not looked from this side.

 

, 

and in the middle of it,  i'd taken the keys down to the Honda Car that has not been run for what?,  maybe 2 almost 3 months?,  partly because of its not being legal and partly the StayHome mandate,  but not run,  engine not turned over and i know that's not good but haven't and i take the keys down and expecting to hear NOthING from the battery instead and INSTANT fierce START!!!!!!!!!!!!  and i say to Emrie,  Get IN!  she does and in the front seat...loose and free,  no car seat,  and her eyes are wide and i say to roll down the window and she somehow knows to do that and cranks and cranks it down and we take off.   Backing up and take off     up CareFree Way   to the first drive which is a possible turn and i turn and point us back and ask her if she wants to drive.   Without hesitation she climbs in place and crazy steers us down the road back and when we get there she yells  I DID IT!

 

 

this post is a MeSS.  a real MESS.   it's taken hours to create this mess.  I'm not sure what to think?

 

but this above.  Maybe this will come through,  or maybe it won't.  if it doesn't,  then i'll just give up.

In the morning,   before the Tomato Plant,  before Everything Else,  i read...NYt   Hannah Beech  and the photographer Adam Dean  and article:   In Every Corner of Bangkok,  Spirits Need a Home

Everywhere in Bangkok   in every building,  a tin roofed shack or glass plated skyscraper there are said to be spirits who need placating.   A Coronavirus lockdown is no excuse.    They also require spirit houses which look like doll houses  mounted on pedistals that range from a few pieces of plywood to guilded structures with ornate spires.   the figurines sized to live inside fit in the palm of the hand.

Spirit houses are common throughout Thailand,  Myanmar  and Cambodia.   While not everyone believes,  the practice is widely respected.  All the spirits expect sustenance,   a bunch of bananas,  a coconut,    a mound of stickey rice    Offerings placed infrontof  Spirit Houses in  morning, by home owners or building staff members along with incense and flower garlands...often marigolds

Nongrak Puwasawodi,  Spirit Communicator enters a trance and advises people on the spirits druthers   In times of econonic crises,  they scale back their expectations.  "like now with the coronavirus  they will be happy with  a glass of water for refreshment.   But in a more fortunate time,  a strawberry Fanta."

I LOVED.   loved so much reading this...about these spirits and  how the people respond to them....going to great lenghts to please them  and it made me want to Stitch some....spirit houses,  Who knows Who might Show UP

sit quiet

sitting    as it all rolls out.   Pause.

Listen.   Watch.   Listen.

a red thread.    a flag,  a signal...something Important,   heart beat.  pulse.

 

the first of the Bell Peppers to flower.   5.   5 peppers?

Choosing

Peggy asked about SPideR.   this was from a while ago...but everytime i touch a leaf,  he appears.   The Mullein is bigger and so is he.

and to Acey,  yes.   probably tomorrow?  soon,  for sure,  i will harvest some leaves to hang and dry.   I think about this Plant who chose to BECOME  in the midst of the Wall Garden.   I see no other Mullein around.   Just this single One.   And in this Time,  when Breath is so much in our awareness....this Plant that aids breathing.   I acknowledge her Presence,  her Choice to be here.

the goldilocks syndrome

the Mullein  that simply APPEARED here last year.   That's a yardstick.    No sign of the central flowering spire yet.  A very Green spider lives near the central leaves.   Everytime i look,  he appears.    

 

and here we are.   At the suggestions ongoing of  Typepad Help techs  Anna Marilyn and Jen.....i added an additional step when uploading pics ....with Alyssia's help in interpreting their words to my clicks.....and we are back to where everything WAS.  it's awkward.   But it works.   I am just going with it.   Too many other things needing Energy in these days.  

Tomorrow will feel like beginning again.  Beginning again is a good place to return to and go from.

experiment