windthread

they

2021 Map

workin on my map for Mo

what Is.

yesterday,  it seemed impossible.   But learning to work with what calls attention to its Self.   Trusting.    the wanting of shapes  that  seem familiar,  that resemble Known things...the brain wants that...maybe abstract but identifiable,  recognizable ....symbolic.     so,  just keep moving fragments around  and remaining open to any other scrap that floats up....in this case,  the light blue piece,  the seam strips....       And suddenly,  i have looked long enough,  let it show me enough   suddenly,  it  is all just very good.   There can be Stories in them.   I still don't go there,   i don't know why,   other than i need them to be no more and no less than exactly what they are so i can  better understand cloth .  How it relates to its selves.  

a very good Tuesday

this will be a Challenge

 

a very elongated key hole garden.   but all the seedlings are planted.  Either in pots,  grow bags,  OR today,  because i ran out of garden soil,   direct.   I'd been blending  purchased soil with the Goat mix that i'd been digging by the feed shed...Goat shit,  the native dirt  and hay scrap,  urine and rain.   what i dig there has almost completely decomposed into   Soil.    Jenny brought the wrong thing... a Garden Soil Amendment.   I was bummed but ended up playing it by ear and will learn a lot from what happens.  At the far end,  all the containers....they will be moved around.     to the right of them,  i'll cover with more cardboard to make the other side of the long key hole and as i look as i write this,  it will be more like a big question mark.  Which is perfect for this  2021  Effort of B.  There are some seeds yet to plant but for the most part,  i can move back to working  in  the Wall Garden which is Neglected and being reclaimed.   Mourning Dove sang,   CROW,  for the first time stopped,  just up the way and many yellow butterflies.

to Consider:      "...like most white people raised in the US,  i was not taught to see myself in racial terms and certainly not to draw attention to my race or behave as if it mattered in any way.  Of course,  i was made aware that ..italics.....somebody's...  end italics     race mattered,  and if race was discussed,  it would be theirs,  not mine.   Yet a critical component of cross-racial skill building  is the ability to sit with the discomfort of being seen racially,  of having to proceed as if our race matters  (which it does).   Being seen racially is a common trigger of white fragility,  and thus,  to build stamina,  white people must face the first challenge:  naming our race."     Robin Diangelo

 

 

what it is

wanted to make Beauty Full repairs.  

all winter.  

didn't.  could have,  but didn't.

so now it's spring and the futon couch cover is needed on the little sofa bed couch thing i sleep on.  That the kids sit on when they're here.   i originally stitched this denim cover together years ago under the Spell of inspiration of Jude.   Jude Hill.  Spirit Cloth.    by hand.   There was talk of Tikkun Olam   but I  did not allow enough seam allowance and the denim,   often worn,  pulled away.  The denim  from the Thrift Shop in Socorro,  New Mexico.  Where i lived.   lived.  Writing that,  i feel a little homesick.   I made an agreement with Self this morning at dawn.   Every day,  first thing,  i will repair one of those threadbare seams in any way it happens.  Get it done.   This morning i did two.  one extra.  Maybe some day i can make them Beauty Full.  But for now,  they just need to hold.

 

unabashed

 

my goodness!   Who could guess.   John Lewis has a Fruit.    She has been full of surprises this last week.   

something to consider

l

i went to a store yesterday.   The first time,  in over one year.   Into a store.    2 stores,  actually.   This pic is taken from the side parking lot of the Dollar Store.  I went there first.  got  Dawn dishsoap and AAA batteries.   In the middle of the pic is Lakeside Grocery.   I've talked about it a lot in the past.   not for a year.   I had run out of coffee.   it's not time for an online grocery pick up that Alyssia has been doing during this year,  that we will continue with on going.   i hadn't put coffee on my list.  For the first time in over a year,  i could go mySelf.    I rehearsed over and over.  The routine i would follow,  like the spray alcohol bottle in my purse...the debit card.   and so forth.  so many so forths.   I chose  With My Eyes   a Bell Pepper.  Got wine.  Cheeto Puffs,  English Muffins and coffee.  Not the kind i like,  but a dark roast that's ok.   It wasn't busy.   it went well.  Shopping's not all it's cracked up to be.  Everyone kept a distance.  and of course,  the mask.   The guy behind me in the cashier line with plexiglass,  put his stuff on the belt and the young cashier said  "when you put your mask on,  i'll ring you up".   He mumbled,  she stood there.   She repeated and he pulled up some kind of kerchief over one ear,  hanging down,  continued  crabbing,  she stood there,  he pulled it up and she began ringing him up.  All this time i'm figuring out how to spray my card, hands and the bag.  no one else in the store paid any attention to us.   We were a vignette.   There's a sign on the door outside saying something about no mask no service.  

 

 

this is where i live.   In the first pic you can see on the far left a traffic light.   Through that light and maybe about 2 blocks you turn onto Old Olive.  Go down only so many tenths of a mile and turn onto Carefree Way...come up maybe 2 blocks to this gate.  The Goats were waiting.   It's all pretty simple.  Where,   How,   i live.   That morning,  before everything else,  i read  a CNN news analysis by John Blake  entitled  The Look In Derek Chauvin's Eyes Was Something Worse Than Hate.   if you google the key words it will come up for you to read.  April 23.   In it he quoted Holocaust Survivor and Nobel Peace Prize Laureate Elie Wiesel.  "The opposite of love is not hate,  it's indifference"    He went on to say that to the indifferent person,  "his or her neighbors  are of no consequence....Their hidden or even visible anguish is of no interest.   Indifference reduces the Other to an abstraction."   John Blake said..."perhaps no other feature of White attitudes....is as cumulatively responsible for the pain and privation experienced by our nation's Black Minority at this point  in our own history as is indifference."   He ends with..."Indifference...not hate...may be the biggest obstacle to police reform."

i thought about this all day and the  flash of  recognition that ROSE UP with that word...Indifference..... only grew.  Why don't we talk about all this on our blogs?   Why do i hesitate to put all this here?    i have no answer to the first question,  to the second question...because it might be uncomfortable for people.  and i  want to give people who read here some kind of love.  Some kind of .......well....love.   So...what's the deal,  grace....??????

more than the biggest obstacle to police reform,  it feels to me that Indifference might be the greatest obstacle to Human Justice.    Elie Wiesel said it.   Indifference.    We were exhausted by the Trial.   and then we were hit in the face by more killings.   We wanted a break.  Some of us will take a break.  Some can't.   They will live their lives same old same old...in Fear.  For their children,  their men.  Everyday.  i looked at a photograph,  that iconic one,  of Martin Luther King and Ralph Abernathy being led to jail in Birmingham.  I never looked so closely before.  He looks so      small.   The look on his face....resolute even if it meant his death,  his suit jacket over his arm....and all this time has passed.  and good old Rev. Al  has to keep repeating that Daunte Wright came from a good family,  came from a good American family,  as if  that would be in question....BECAUSE It AUtoMATICALLY IS because he is BLACK and pulled over and was afraid.  If my grandson,  Jeff,  who is now a Journeyman Electrician,  who goes on work calls all over Sacramento,  to and into all kinds of homes,  with his young for all practical purposes Blackness was mistakenly  identified and detained and somehow didn't feel his innate confidence and became afraid,  if he tried to get away and was killed....it could be my family that is said to be a good family.

and it's strange.  Because i don't really worry about him.  I think of him as Jeffrey.  the little kid who has grown to be a man.   Just Jeffrey.   But i Should.       and that's part of the Indifference i look at in my Self.   That somehow i think because he is mine,  he's  outside all that.   This startles me.   Indifference is a strange thing.   My heart is in the right place,  right???????  Always has been,  right??????  

Indifference.                 

Every child is mine.  Every man is mine.  I am every mother.     This part here,  about my Jeffery,  came only AS I AM WRITING THIS...in this instant....i'd not even really thought about it before.   Which makes it all the more something i need to .....uhhh..... face.   It's not   Others.   I am Others,   Others are me.   HOW CAN WE DO THIS?????????????????????????????????????

 

 

 

Water

going down to give water to Wall Garden...my eye was drawn to the creek  and though there was a full morning ahead,  i felt the desire to go there...down down the hill.   I looked for the rope that Jenny had tied to a tree and then put grip knots every so often.   It's steep there.  The Goats trails are maybe 4 inches wide?  or maybe as wide as one boot.   with no room for error.  I sat.

 

then noticed to my right,  further along the bank....2 Plants i'd never seen before.   At first i thought the yellow was some of the Spanish Broom  that had jumped the creek but the sense of it from a distance was of a water plant.   it was.  and the rounded mound...has many white bloom clusters.   I'll need to take a length of rope and repeat Jenny's method  over there if i want to get close enough to get a good pic,  or  just get into the creek.    It's not obvious in this pic but the bank drops off straight down into the creek,  about 3 ft.  

and though there was so much to do....today was my first foray into the Other World...the first time in a store in over a year,  i stayed.  Lay back against,  into the bank  sometimes turning to watch the flow then turning away,  closing my eyes and just FEELING the creek,  the movement of sunlight flowing.

When i finally made my way back,   i saw that there was a prompt from Acey...Nichobella...Sparklinglotusink....

6th Chakra    powered by the element of Light and she talked about sunlight on water as a way to absorb light.

 

and continuing:   NPR All Things Considered:  Black Americans React To Chauvin Verdict

 

Earth Day

Finding New Mexico hidden in the Grasses.    After the blue platebowl was filled with water,   a lizard came to drink.  

We can just go back to yesterday,  the living pixels,  and Mo found the link for the BeautyFULL  Video from Maria.  

and if you are inclined.....go to UTube ...Al Sharpton's Eulogy for Daunte Wright.   Rev. Al  was/is  at his Finest.   It's long but deserves being witnessed.   I also want to say....the entire Funeral Celebration,  i sense a difference,  a distinct change.  Instead of    Wanting   or   Demanding    there was a sense of 

Claiming

pixels and a message from Maria

this is the pic i tried so many times to load yesterday....just ordinary,  but....

in the trying though,  i was able to LOOK,  over and over at it and so,   able to see  what is here....Pixels.....Living Pixels.   I saw how it appeared a somehow Neon....this happens when it is enlarged...and i can't do that,  enlarge,  when i am entering a post,  so i don't know if it will translate...?

but the Pixels.  the living pixels....a visual image of how it all felt yesterday.   

and,  Our Maria in Belgium....cannot comment here,  but sent an email for Us...the work of a Dutch Artist....Find this on youtube  Lost Connection lacework    Veil of 4 meters long    go look and find it.....LOVE and LOVE to you,  Maria