windthread

stuck? no.....Staying.

the "flannel boarding"  continues

 

i interpreted it as Stuck....  the slide show in my head....stuck,  like something was wrong with the Projector,  or maybe the slides themselves.....but today,   Re Viewing  again,  after the again and again and again,   i realized it is just that i am unable to understand these two things.   So they,  i guess,  will remain until i      Listen.     And maybe i have begun to do that this evening.  Giving water to the potato plants at A,   a LOOOONG process,   i suddenly decided i needed to know what all this giving water was doing...or....not doing.   to face it.    I began moving the earth,  the amended earth away from one of them,  digging my hands through layer and layer,  scooping it up and over and down  and all that  time with the hose positioned had in reality only soaked in so little.   it was hard to believe how little.   and i made my way to the bottom to find such a small root system considering the size of the plant its Self.   There were some small,  very small potatoes.  I washed one off and chewed it...it was snappy and bright and Potato ie.   but the size    ummmmmm   the size of  a marble.   ok....so.    it is Clear now.   Yes.  i CAN grow potatoes.  But for them to actually FEED people,   it is clear that a drip system is absolutely needed.   The daily hose is not enough.   When i came back up,  i looked on the Calendar.   Except for 2 days,  i have gone there and diligently given with the hose  for  75 days.   

e v e r y     d a y

and recently...this last month,  every day with temperatures of 100 and over.   This is how it is.   This is how it will be.   

so

it's dark now.   this day is over.   i know more.   i need to Face more.   and will do that in the morning.  Maybe the slide show will 

CLICK   ??????

hidden

have been harvesting squash small.    for stir fry.  there's always that zucchini that hides.   This one was a foot long,  Round....heavy.  at first i was bummed...how didn't i See????   but then i remembered the summer Ecstatic Ritual.....of.....Zucchini Pizza.   Probably the totally BEST thing.

Shredded 4 C zucchini...with skin.       1/2 t  salt    2 beaten eggs    1/2 C  Parmesan Ch.    2 C shredded Mozzarella      1 C shredded Monteray Jack    1/2 C  onion thin slice or as much as you like    1 bell pepper thing slice     8oz thin slice mushrooms    15 oz some kind of tomato pasta sauce.   For me,   a can of stewed tomatoes and at least 3 very ripe large fresh tomatoes.   Whatever kind and however much seasoning.    I like none.   i change it up during leftovers....different toppings,  like Trader Joe's  Chili Onion Crunch   or Aioli  or  black olives or or or

400 oven     sprinkle shredded zucch with salt in colander and let drain 15 min...then squeeze.    Combine  zucchini,  the eggs,  parmesan,  1C mozzarella and 1/2 C monteray jack  and press into  9x13 casserole.   Bake uncovered 20 min.

sautee onions and mushrooms and whatever spices.   Add sauce.     Pour over  and top with bell pepper  and remaining cheeses and i sprinkle with more parmesan.    Bake 20 min again.

only in Summer.  Only with a hiding zucchini.   it is just so so beyond  Fine.     i woke at 3:30   to be ready to light the oven early.  it was 90 degrees when i turned oven off.  

i didn't have stewed tomatoes so used some tomato paste and the fresh tomatoes .   It's ok   but i like it "thin",  light...the sauce.  It should have bubbled through the cheeses and browned a little on top.   but it was

Ecstatic.

zucchini....grown in a granite garden....fierce and "meaty".    i Feel it.  Today,  plain.   Tomorrow,  breakfast,  Aioli.  

odd day

i did next to nothing but feed and give water.   i guess not next to nothing,  but      nothing.   i got stung by something.

there are a lot of vague questions floating.    I used to call it Interior  Weather.    to make it sound more interesting than just a vague sense of questioning.  being uneasy,  unsure.    it used to be about particular things.   Now it's pretty much everything.   I've been fascinated by watching a UTube thing called   StyleLikeU.    most of the people who are interviewed are young  and i find self feeling so much about and For them....so different than me and the me that i grew up with,  was,  all through my life.  and then there is another one,  UTube interview series that talks to people,  primarily old,  in Appalachia.   who live on remote dirt roads in poor circumstances.  Who grew up in families who canned 500 jars of garden vegetables every summer.    the juxtaposition.   i am a voyeur.   of them,  and of my self watching,  having opinions,  judgements.   

after 3 days with Emrie the silence of this place was pronounced.   I went over to where the sprinkler is,  where we spent a lot of time yesterday,  her in the little plastic pool building things,  cooking,  creating things in her mind,  all verbalized,  a mile a minute  sometimes quietly to herself  sometimes aloud to me.  She sings a lot,  the interactions she is creating are almost like an opera.   We usually pick up all the stuff at the end of the day but yesterday we just left it all there and when i went over there,  i sat down and just looked at it all.   I thought about plastic.   The above is a broken measuring cup.  She uses this  one over and over...this was my fish soup.   She has no judgements about anything.   She plays with the china tea cup,  the stone lizard,  the metal dog  and the odd little plastic things that have ended up here equally.  The wooden blocks.   Sticks and leaves,  the berries she found.  

Alyssia frequents a FaceBook Buy Sell and Trade  page.   Often,  if you want a pair of kid shoes you have to take a whole bag of stuff.   things accumulate.  it used to bother me.  i had opinions.    But i have watched Emrie's  continued use and fondness for things like this fish.  this broken off handled measuring cup.   Everytime she begins her time in the sprinkler pool is as if she is gathering old friends.   I realized today that i really like this fish.   in the same way i really LOVE  the plastic container box with the small screw top containers.    OH!     i DID do something today.   i put that long tangle of Red embroidery thread into one and into another,  that scrap strip of red silk.  Red stuff.   i contained Red stuff.   

 

 

different

along the Path Back.   I don't know what it is, how it might have occurred.  it is not the bark.   on the way back from the Black Swing.     

i read today that Octavia E. Butler's  Parable of the Sower is to become a MOVIE.   Director to be Garrett Bradley ,,,,Google her....and  there is always a Thing that goes on about taking off shoes and then the need to put them back on  because she has whined  when there is something uncomfortable for her foot but she didn't want shoes today at all  and said....if i walk the Goat path's i don't need them....they make it just dirt and it's soft.   This is true.   Yesterday,  she completed her 4th year.   She begins to claim her own wisdom.

in this Time

again,   a Beauty Full piece of Dana's work  and speaks of this Time as words just cannot do...or Thought even....just

the sense of Things

so i will continue with the Rest that swirls continuously around and leave this,  as is ,  until ....until....well,  until i do not know what.  because i don't now What.

some of it

self explanatory except maybe the long loved pencil sharpener whose blade is blunt and i cannot seem to get another.  Dick Blick   has them,  but they are referred to as bullet in their names and California will not receive such they tell me.   I love it because it worked for so many years and also was aesthetically pleasing in its brass self.   Once upon a time you could get replacement blades.  There's a screw.

i thought today how perfect they might be for flower seeds,  the black eyed susans.   

And out of deep forever  abiding  love of Acey,  i am looking to find a source of Queen Anne's Lace seed.

the late day light is also bronze from the filter of the smoke in the North...it's quite Beauty Full.  i wish us Here,  Gentle Day  [cynthia]  and to the North...mercy from the inferno...that it will be fast and efficient and OVER 

 

fragment

i remember when i saw this amidst so many others...just a piece that was torn  loose,  i thought at first it was just threads.   but looking at it... if  someone tried weaving this..recreating it.....they might come close but could never achieve the complete unselfconsciousness of it...the wildness of it,  it's gracefullness,  aliveness

a little crazy happiness

 

my joy,  my pleasure,  my happiness.   

i don't know how i came across this.   I wasn't looking for anything like it,  for any kind of storage thing?????   or maybe i was looking at the Giant Zip Lock bags  i have and somehow Amazon got it right and just knew how to hook me?   I don't know.   the moment i laid  eyes on them....ahhhhhh....and then  they/it arrived.   Maybe it was the name?  BigOtters storage box?   Otters?  Judy Martin is speaking of muskrats....????   But this order was long before.   I've had  it/them a few weeks now,  they/it sits right here just to the left of the laptop on the Everything Table and i pick it up off and on through any day and admire.   Be happy and just well,     happy.   

the whole box,  container,   is approx 6x5 inches.   Each little container is the size of a top of a disposable water bottle cap...3 times as deep.     Probably the first thought for use would be beads.   BigOtters suggests many other uses,  the most extreme is beauty and self care items during travel,  like a tiny bit of  skin lotion???  or,  a partial shampoo????   anyway it didn't matter,  i knew immediately what the first thing i would put in one would be.    My fortune cookie fortune that directed....Do Not fear failure.   Since then,  i have put other very small thing in there.  Maybe i will make a pic of them,  but mostly,  i have made my own fortunes....little things...significant...i write in tiny printing and curl up to go in.   21 of the 30 are filled.   What will happen when they all are?   i have no idea.  Just know that it's all just very satisfyingly Happy.   Just looking at it is enough.

a compromise

some ink   some pencil

Ready.  Letter written,  in envelope.   Will send to Wendy,  she'll pass it along.   the Thread remains strong.

Beauty FULL   Full Moon  rising

 

today

8 am.   Ken's Paradise Hitch and Welding.   919 Easy St.  Paradise California.   That's EZ in the left bay.

i'd made the appointment 3 weeks ago.  Waited.   Today.   Set the alarm for 4 am so i could get in 2 cups of tea and Goat Feed and out of here by 7.    Out of here means checking for the long horse lead leash,   picking up the trash bags at both B and A,  dropping said bags into the bin at the end of Carefree.    Setting out.   It only takes 28 minutes to Paradise the fast way,  but i don't know that way so i go the slow way.  I am there at 8:01.  From the exchange on the phone with the woman in the office,  i had imagined something that turned out not to be true....it was at the entrance to an "industrial park".   Not IN the town of Paradise,  but at the edge of town.   I had to wait the close to 2 hours that it took and spent much of that time falling asleep sitting on gravel leaning against a flatbed trailer tire,  Tay leaning into me.   the Dodge Caravan has a hitch.   A towing hitch. For the Goat Boat.   and wiring for brake lights even.  even.   as  SAFE  as i can imagine.   

Safe.

as i was giving water this eve there were sirens.   Ears prick.    They begin to last longer than a traffic accident....there is the bleat of a Fire Engine   and then a helicopter above....i tune in to the two facebook pages for Fire Info....nothing there,  i keep watering.

not long after i had left Paradise and the Trailer Hitch/Welding place....there was an evacuation for lower  Paradise.  Vegetation fire.  Full response.   and then....lifted.  Contained.   The tension.   Evac.  Mandatory.  Lifted.  Contained.   Repeat, repeat,  repeat.  there are currently 8 fires burning in Butte County.   Watching the FaceBook pages  and sometimes these....

"BCFAC Dixie Fire Scanner Report    the dozer line from YellowCreek Meadow to Butt Valley Reservoir has been abandoned.  All resources have pulled out.  The fire is carrying rapidly through the meadow     "

the constant of it is changing how we are wired.   body/mind.   Fear evolves into something different.

the Paradise Fire began Nov. 8,  2018      The drive there today....the canyon on the right of the road in....FULL of Bootleg Fire,  Dixie Fire.   SMOKE    No visibility.   The "landscape"   still.   Scorched.   Black skeletons of trees.   Little undergrowth.

i thought about driving into Paradise proper...the town... to  see how it's going there.   They are determined to

rebuild

?

but then,  just wanted to come      home.