a while back, 2 maybe 3 weeks ago. Maybe a month.
I moved all of these Super Max size Zip Locks of scraps that fill the bench seat across from me into that back room. All these months, over a year, 2 or how many i don't really know, i had moved them back and forth everyday....bench to along the wall of the bed in the morning and then back to the bench at night. I could go back in the Steno Notebook and see if i can find out why exactly i did that....but i won't. It happened.
Yesterday morning at dawn i moved them back. to the bench. i needed to be with them. I thought i was going to look for the scraps i would use as the stones she needed for Circling herself. I opened one bag, running my hand through, lifting sifting and what happened was this.
another "installation" coming together without hesitation, almost without breathing. Then there was the day. Jenny was coming to bring grass hay feed and bedding straw, but the hours went along, it was raining and late afternoon she messaged that she was on her way. a message from Alyssia followed....we are ALL on our way. and they came. I'd not seen Jeff since he arrived at Alyssia's a week before, had not seen Fate for months. many months and then, only once in these Covid times. and Suddenly they were all here. Fate exclaiming...I know you!!!!!, surprised. The kids zipped around, Jenny, her man and Alyssia took care of the feed, let the kids help. i sat...distanced....from Jeff and we had some small soft words and at one point Emrie came and pulled the third plastic adirondack chair up and called to Alyssia that she would be there sitting with Old Nana and Uncle Jeff but that lasted moments before she was OFF to catch up with Brinley and Fate. Jenny, her man and Jeff took the kids over the rise and down to the Spider Swing above the meadow. Alyssia and i stood in the rain, partially sheltered by the table umbrella, partially wet and exchanged some words on how "it's going" ending with me talking about seeing Emrie run "with Real children", and then saying....it also breaks my heart. She nodded and we agreed....well....it was time. A mother and an Old Nana are really, not enough.
