windthread

surprise on the other side

pinned on the back of the Diaries Cloth.    I think i wanted to know what it would look like as a centerpiece to a large,  "real" quilt,   one that could be an actual sleeping quilt...like laundered in a machine.   Like my Tina Quilt that over time and use becomes more.  Becomes soft and MORE.     Maybe some day.  it's a whole different Thing.  The Diaries Cloth would not even exist if laundered.   It almost doesn't exist already just from desert sand moving on its surface.  So many of the choices of cloth were already full of life lived.   It remains Out,  hanging on the cloth line,  the Goats move under and through it.   I'll take it down soon and fold it up again,   Put it away in one of the containers of stuff that i will leave during Evacuation.   Knowing it's there.  Knowing i am leaving it.   This is something to think about too.

 

i went back to the archives this morning,  to try again,   see if anything felt different and it  did...but brought so many questions,  so many  ummmm,   unsettled feelings.   Am just letting it be as it is for now.   What i came away with for sure,  is missing the dying.   Down at B,  there's madder root.  Old enough this year.

Marti...thank you.   HUGE thank you for that link

 

the Un Expected

 

because of the conversation going    round   

i began the day by going to look into the Archives here.   I always love it when those who are good at that sort of thing...Link me to a certain post.   i love it and appreciate it so much,  and am always surprised by what i  find there.  Glad it's there.   it's a happy thing.   But otherwise,  i have rarely gone into those archives.   I just don't.  And this morning when i went back to 2011 and began rolling through the months....

i didn't like it.

mostly,  i looked at the pics.   reading the words was too much.   i didn't want to.    Some of the pics gave me a Longing for the desert,  for New Mexico,  some,   for that Place there in particular.   I left so much behind.  And not just things i realized.   For the first time,  i got a glimmer of how it is i leave Selves behind.   Whole selves.   Selves that take years to fall into place in that kaleidoscope way i always reference....this is a Big Thought.   it's only partially thought.  it will take some time.   I ended up writing down the different selves that immediately came to mind and there were,  of course,  5.   i smiled.  yes.    those selves are uhhhhh,   well....how i tried to explain it to mySelf was.....it's like a book.  a novel.     there are characters.   distinct  lives.  Maybe it's kind of that thing of a while ago...parallel lives...but these are not parallel,  but  one after another.....what's the word for that? there's the   Falling Water self                                                                                                                                                                                                  the Fern Home Self,  including Oregon, Arizona,  the return to Michigan and New Mexico                                                                        the dark years                                                                                                                                                                                                                  the Spirit Cloth self which would hold Magic Diaries                                                                                                                                             this one,   this Hill self  which i am becoming

this is hard thinking.   i wasn't expecting it.

what was "offered" right away was the fact that i have always put my Whole and Entire beingness into whichever self i am living.   I AM that.  totally.   and when i move.   from one into the next,   the one i move From is Complete.   I don't know how to explain that.    "complete".   but it is.   And in very certain ways,   certain things are over.   completed.   They are "archived"  in that slide show of my mind.   parts of them come to me when i need them or want them....need to learn from them.  THE ALL of them is always there somehow,  but i don't need more than the slide show.    

the pics above.    After all this,  i set out to haul more of that manure/bedding straw to B Garden.   spread it on the cardboard i put there.   I have two more trips i think.  then will pull logs on that sled to border this new 2021 bed.   There is huge pleasure to this.    After i finished,  i just sat.   that's all.   just sat.   and after a while,  some bird spoke somewhere overhead.  it took a while to figure out where....because i couldn't see any bird.   But  then....there it was.   it was a hummingbird.  i'd not known they spoke this way....

on the way back i stopped at Nogal's Forest and went IN.   this,  because yesterday when i needed to go inside in order to clean his water tub,   he didn't shy away,   but instead came up.  and i spent time scratching his ears,  touching him everywhere,  slowly,   quietly,   no agenda.   and he stayed.   being touched.   wanting it.  this is new.   he will come to the fence but has always run when someone comes inside.   Which is not good for Evacuation.   It takes forever to trap him...it takes all 4 of us and  Alyssia ends up having to physically carry him to load. 

 it's more than she should do.   There is no need for this.   it's habit for him and the result of not consistent physical contact.   Today,  i sat on one of his downed tree trunks.  Puppy arrived to join us.  We were Together.  I'd brought stale tortilla chips.   i just stayed.   a long time.   he came and went.   then came again.    While i sat there i thought about all the above,  about why anything is happening and the slide show clicked in.    Letting go of the A Garden,  the Wall Garden,  that felt like a failure,  but was,  maybe?,  in fact,  a moment of release.  Just like him.  Stuff from habit.   In this case,  the doing of things because of wanting to constantly TRY.   TRY to Accomplish.    and letting that go,  to Let.   to Let what can happen,  Wants to happen,  Happen.   To live in the Present.   moment to moment.   Feel it.   Breathe.   Notice.  Be Glad for what is.  

 

 

 

    

the world of more, the world of Everything Magic Diaries

 

 

 

 

in these last days,  i have been deep into what i have called the Reference Cloth.   and with Jude's questioning at Spirit Cloth the days of the Magic Diaries,    i see that in a certain way,  it is a Return to the same point.   Magic Diaries was a reference cloth but at the  CORE  of the Round.   the Beginning.   All from the first workshops could play out there.  And showed its self to be a World of never ending possibility,  never ending imaging,  never ending stitches.   A world of NeverEnding.   And it did.  And it      was and it      IS.    

What i remembered today was the huge and so WONDER FULL flood of   Possibility...and along with that,

Aspiration

I had found.   I had found     my      medium.    in ART.    i had found my medium.    that pulled in what i knew of drawing,  of fiber figures,  of the longing for diorama.    Here,  it was possible and so....along came       Aspiration.    I aspired to create what might resonate,   what might in its self inspire story.   I imagined that someday,   photographs of things i made and words about the making might appear in a

Magazine

aspire.  i google aspiration.    a hope or ambition of achieving something.   and the example of use given is..."the yawning gulf between aspiration and reality"    Smile.    

it's 10 years later.   the aspiration has faded,  like that beautyFULL payne's grey.   But all else remains and just Goes and Grows into its own world.   Cloth is an element for me.    like Fire Air Earth Water.   There is no turning back.   or ,   away.   it Just Goes.

the first two pics  are of Once In A Lifetime Scraps.    Crow and the Window through which it speaks to Spirit     Then,  the Moth which was a scrap of clothing,  a french seam i think it would be called,  that bent in just that way became instantly a Moth

the third.    the second of two,   Alyssia has the first.   this figure is so pure.   so clear.   so REAL to me.   I don't have words right now.   i guess i don't have any more words at all right now.     

Magic Diaries.

found

my Magic Diaries Cloth.   It was surprisingly small,  folded.  Heavy but small.   it's about 6ft X 3ft something.

incredibly faded.   i'd not remembered it this way.   I dyed this raw silk  or silk noil  in Glennis' Colorhue workshop.  Was a wonderFull   pale payne's  grey/slate blue.   Then,   Ten years on the wall of the Room in New Mexico.  SUN.    At the top, center,  under the arc of Crows is the Cloth Jude sent me from Patchwork Beasts,   the place of Honor around which i made my way.

 

i hung it out late in the day.  Tomorrow will sit with it.   Feel it.  Feel what Was then and what is now.    What i am proud of tho,  right away,  is this lower left...a Good and True rendition of my Gate there,  my BeautyFULL  New Mexico Gate.   That piece of wood  is down at B Garden in the Scrub Oak that presides.   Have been looking at it recently.   loved seeing it here.  Had not remembered that.   and that Rock...too big to bring,   but i see today,  here in spirit.  Here in cloth.

and i see how much the kantha is so much like the bark of these Oak

black/white magic

the black/white magic beads.   In the old days,  they would have been seed beads but then Jude taught    Thread Beads.  even more magic.   7 black and white  ending in a single african red blood bead.     Here,  Crow carries them  and  this time,  since  it's the year of    77,    it seems that there will be two strands.   I wonder what will happen.   

 

one more, as a Journal Page

They all say all the time....she's just like you.       I wonder what that means to her?

My X,   this son's father,   Jenny's Father,    rented a 5 bedroom B and B between Oroville and Chico.   He wanted to come for Thanksgiving.   He has.    As it turns out,   everyone has been there.    Today they all created a meal.    Tomorrow,  Son will bring me leftovers which will be great.   He's a Chef at a high end establishment in Denver.   he can cook.   I have sous cheffed for him in the past and it is an Experience.

i don't participate.  There's a lot of water under that bridge.   For a very long time.    But this year,   things have changed....smoothed out.   Gentled.   it''s just how things are,   so many things,     are Just How They Are and there seems to be a softness to it all.    Covid has worn away so much,   left so little.   and what's left is soft and  well...just how it all is.   The kids have experienced COUSINS.....real children,  still novel,   for Emrie and Brinley,  a world they  have only imagined.   There is a very large room there,  with many big couches and 2 bunkbeds,  a pool table....Giana told me.  And places to hide,  she said.   Hide and Seek being popular,  still.  Still.  After tomorrow,  they will all be gone.   Over.    Memories.   Emrie will tell me the stories.

i like the pic above a lot.

 

 

 

not justice but not hopeless

granddaughter Giana.  8 yrs.   I have not been in person with her,  her mother,  her father almost 3 years.

 

me.   my son.      

today the town of Brunswick,  Georgia said

no more.    one town at a time.   

today

 

there were many things.    But they were,   uhhhh,  too much.     What was not too much was this first Essential Being  in the upper right corner.   Not too much,  not anything small,  but truly exactly what it Is.   What it has always been and what it has come around again    To Be.   

 

 

 

 

the many miracles of this Being

a language

it might appear that nothing has happened,   is happening.   but not so.    Today,   there is  Sky.   Made with Inktense.   Which is significant,  because now the leaves can come.     and the human being  is  more defined.   this has to be so care Full  because i don't know.   So just a little at a time.   then rest and  look.   

and i think more how cloth and thread are a Language