windthread

a today

Plant has totally reconfigured her Self.   Bees came today.   Many.   A Hollyhock seed is up as are both kinds of SunFlower that Emrie planted.   The snap peas.   not all of them....     I finally planted the Moringa and Red Malabar that i had soaked as advised and probably too late.  But i planted them nonetheless.   Will begin the initial Soak process on new seeds tomorrow.   

I gave the morning and evening penicillin injections.   And as i KEEP LEARNING,   our fears are almost always larger than the reality.   it went well.   He only flinched.   I love him more than i knew i did.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the Animal Control person called.   Dog is identified.   is habitual.   How can i tell this in 5 words or less.....  the person who is on record as owning the dog came and identified and surrendered.     She is the mother to an adult child who actually owns both dogs.   She said she has paid thousands of dollars in restitution through the courts on behalf of this adult child.  She is done.

the name and address of the Adult Child are now known to Animal Control.  How it goes from there i don't know.   The second dog i will assume ran home.   Animal Control officer said that that address is not Far away,  but also not close.     And so it goes.

I am exhausted.  Making mistakes here i don't know how to fix so i am going to be Done for today.

 

 

 

going

opened the door to the long corridor and he made his way out into the Sun.  He drags his leg   Changed the bandages and the splint/soft cast.   Better.  Drags it still,  but with a little more flexibility at the hoof.   is enjoying tortilla chips.   Needs penicillin injections 2xday,  oral ground pills ... crackers with peanut butter and molasses work for this.   Getting standing and then lying down again still great effort but he was better at it today.  He is our total preoccupation.  An old buck Goat.   I asked the Vet in Socorro something about how people do things with old buck Goats  during Gideon's decline,   and his response was....they don't.  You put livestock down.   Livestock.    There is something real and true about that.   But we don't go there yet.   Until a Being can no longer stand,  we keep trying.    Emrie loves him.   He is in response to her love.  She keeps referring to him as She.  ???  We say...He.   She keeps referring to him as She.   Ok.   

tomorrow and Tuesday are my days with the penicillin injections.    I have watched a zillion utubes.   I used to give PEOPLE injections in my 20's.  Was trained to do that.  Went to school.    Something happened in this meantime and i dread it.   but it's fair...my turn.  For SunnyRay.   

   

suffering

thoughts about suffering,  the under current in my mind today as we went about the business of mending fence,  conferring about and caring for Sunny Ray,   and in indirect ways,  conferring and caring about our Selves.   It wasn't over till 8:30 pm.

it's dark now.  quiet.  the door is closed.   Puppy has come in.   SunnyRay has maneuvered himself into a sleep position,  Talkie is on her sleeping twig.   Doe Goats have decided to sleep in their Rain Shelter even tho it's not raining.   Nogal,  Jack Flash...quiet in however it is for them.    Quiet.   Here,  suffering will sleep,  fitfully,  but sleep.

the War...no reprieve.  Suffering there will not allow sleep.

and everywhere,  there are sufferings of all manner.     Suffering.  the bedrock teaching of Buddhism.  

i began this morning around 4:30 am thinking about What gives Balm,  Solace to the All Manner of Suffering?   Because i guess i felt that our suffering here just added to the ever increasing weight of the Planet's,  but that it was a True telling of our days.   But how could that not be a burden? 

and i read the FaceBook page of an old friend who just this week i had made contact with after many many years of none.  It was for a purpose separate from the making contact but it acted to do that and what a Relief this is.   To say....after so many years,  i am sorry. 

This friend,  Much younger than i am.   She wrote about her day of chemotherapy.  Which is ongoing and of long term now.  Her waking to it's aftermath.   as she does,  over and over with days inbetween.   that she writes about.   Rene.    Suffering.    But when we spoke on the phone   after  years of not speaking,   there was no hesitation,  no gap,   only the love that had been originally there.   We spoke some about our circumstances Now,  but mostly we spoke about our mutual concern for another friend.  And i thought about this this morning.   What is it about reconnecting with her,  about reading about her morning today in her life that is Strong with suffering and determination......and so HONEST.   Why and How it was/is to me a balm.  a place of solace in my world of dog fear,  wounded Goat,  War.   i continue to think but right off,  it is because of the honesty.  the Love.   the Presence of her.  She shows up.  I think it's the showing up.   With whatever it is that we are witness to and the telling of that.   

Tay was out near the Curry House where SunnyRay is convalescing...and burst into a bark alert.   SunnyRay screamed.  if a Goat can.  Cried out.   Fear.   Shrill.   this is not War.   what might it be like....There.   ?   

 

i tried and could find no attribution for this photograph.

we go

just before all this,  i was stitching...kantha....the Temple of Sun and Sky

New mobile Vet is Great.   They loaded a sedated Sunny Ray into Alyssia's vehicle and took him to her house in town where there was electricity for the X-Ray.   5 words or less...no fracture,  no broken bone.   DEEP puncture wounds.   Injectable and Oral meds on going some days .   Splint x 4 days.   Prognosis good .   Doe Goats limited to that original Doe Forest for time being.  They do not like it.    Sunny Ray limited to the Curry House.   Too wounded to have any opinion.   

We go now.   Tomorrow is a new day.

i can become larger than i am

quiet stitching on the Temple of Sun and Sky with intention to meet Alyssia and Emrie at B Garden to plant the Moringa and Red Malabar,   look at the boots she'd found for me online,   eat pancakes.   And just exactly as she called saying the pancakes were coming,  Tay bolted and all the Doe Goats who had just that moment come over the rise were visually locked in like statues,  how they get when they see something.   Wrong.   Standing stiff,  staring.   I looked and forms were in Sunny Ray's forest,  moving,  and i ran out.   From this distance i couldn't tell.  But it was wrong and Bad and as i ran,  Yelling,  LOUD and PROFANE,   they let him loose but two pit bulls had Sunny Ray,   bringing him down.   

down,  he was down

but i ran,  yelling  and  as i neared,  they let him go and the one larger tried to find the entry hole in the fence,  the other trying to get out the far corner

then it's a blur for a minute and the large one jammed his/her way through the fence,  the smaller still at the corner where i ran,  trying to push under

as Alyssia was driving she called 911 Animal Control    She got here and ran to block off the fencing which was a huge feat and Emrie stayed in her truck because she was afraid and finally to make a longer story short,  the Animal Control woman came and slowly slowly slowly softly softly softly walked up and leashed the one that i had somehow managed to keep.   Keep at that corner of Sunny Ray's forest yard.  

this is enough.  for now.   my body is still working to release it and it's been hours.   

We made a sling with a big towel and got Sunny on his feet. His one front leg is dangling.    Alyssia carried him into the Curry House where he is now as this Worm Moon is Rising.  We closed the Doe Goats into their original Doe Forest.   It's Dark.   Quiet.   A new mobile vet can come at around noon tomorrow.  If it looks like it's needed sooner  in the morning,  we will drive Sunny Ray down to UC Davis.

all this was enough.   But second,   which is as difficult to absorb,    Neighbor Dave,  who is a self appointed Knows Everything person,  showed up over the fence line in the beginning when i was yelling and running and i yelled...Whose Dogs Are These and he gestured...maybe out there,  and then

Disappeared.

for the duration...i was there.  at the shared fence line for maybe a half hour with the second dog....he disappeared.  Totally gone.  

so i know now.   I am on my own.   Ok.  and so,   we Go.   Worm Moon.   I breathe   Ask.   Breathe.   However it can go.  

 

cloth

the love.   the love is the same.   cloth is the same.   it's me that is in question.   

getting real

spending time.    as in,   how do i spend my time.    and/or   spending ....Life.    how do i spend my life.

this all is nothing new...i've put it here before a lot.   But it was just the Spring Equinox of that 77th year that has long held meaning to me.   and the sense of things is at a new level.     Circumstances in the last short while have had it so there has been no time for   Making,  cloth and drawing.   How does that FEEL,  grace,   for real.   Is there some sense of relief?    In just going about the necessities of the days?   that in themselves are good and more than enough?   What IS this sense of Getting REAL about the making ,   if i need to continue?  What does that mean that is different?   Why do i really want to define that so much right now,  instead of.... just going,   some In/some Out.   

 

 

and then...things like this.   The Turkey Tail.   Trametes versicolor.   You can google.   Used around the world for centuries for it's medicinal benefits.   Growing here in it's Joy of self.    If i LEARN.   the How of it.   to harvest,  to keep,  to offer.   But i haven't.  

we passed this cluster 2 days ago and said...Turkey Tail.   Today,  after a long GOOD rain,  when Emrie and i passed....this....

all brilliant and so Alive,  but then also....some other being having become involved here...????  Beneficial?,  to the Turkey Tail?,  or.........not?    I need to go back tomorrow and look long and long.   Looking for Real.

thinking

question

z

i don't know.   From the Forever Zone thoughts on story.....i just don't know what to think,  how to think what to think.   Something in me is resistant.   i don't know.    so i just picked up this Cloth...

story?   no,  no story,  s t o r y,  a moment in time of a Place maybe?  Just an image of Place?   Maybe that's closer...an image.

an image of ........a moment in time.  It's all i can come up with.   

seeds IN

strange coloration...reminds me of a hand tinted polaroid.