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Maria Tatrai Sacred Geometry
i wish i had the kind of mind that understood this Geometry...that understands physics....mathematics. I don't.
i understand that sacred geometry, physics and mathematics are Present in EVERY THING, or ARE Everything....
i accept the truth of that...but i really have no understanding of how it Works, how it keeps everything Alive and in Motion.
Maybe next life. For now...i have Wonder and love the Beauty of it.
just as you come in to Carefree Way. Why hadn't i noticed them before ? ....their color being bright...? oak galls.
i'll check for an exit hole and if there is , will bring them up to that old cast iron pot, tie some cloth and see what happens. if there isn't, just wait.
the first Manzanita i saw was in Oregon. And like here, on this Hill, a small tree. Old. But small. Here, in comparison to the Oaks that prevail, the Pine.
Not yesterday. as if a different world. the word....Biome.
Emrie was here, so there was that but in the under current, images of yesterday....that Forest. and tonight...Surreal.
the remembering, the re~seeing. I NEED more. To understand EARTH. the really true Magnificence of it. If for nothing else than to say.....I saw. I felt.
we all met at the Visitors Center. It's about 5 minutes from this Hill, just across and to the end of Miner's Ranch Road. The Center itself was closed so we walked the Trail, carrying our box of Vietnamese food till we found a place and sat. Eating. And then walked again until we got to this view of the spillway....Oro Dam.
Only 5 minutes away, but an entirely different biome. Manzanita. a Manzanita Forest. How old are these Manzanita trees here? i need to learn this. There is pine. But no Oak there. Completely different than here. 5 minutes. i need to go back. Learn.
Jeff. my grandson. Widower of T. Age 32. Father of Brinley. T died in November. 6 months. First Mother's Day after. So we were calling it Family Day. Happy Family Day we said.
because it's so GLORIOUS.....in just 3 more days. How so totally amazing, a body's ability to heal.
at Garden today, i thought....I need compost. Like, me. i need to give self compost. and so...
for now, it will be The Work That Reconnects .org based in the teachings of Joanna Macy. Specifically, to start, Deep Times A Journal of the Work That Reconnects.
"Honoring Our Pain for the World. In owning and honoring our pain for the world and daring to experience it, we learn the true meaning of compassion: to "suffer with". We begin to know the immensity of our heart-mind . What had isolated us in private anguish now opens outward and delivers us into the wider reaches of our inter-existence."
this is where i'll stay through the remainder of this 77th year.
reaching some point this morning. i sat with the Carnelian.
i had told self yesterday that today for sure, i would begin a new Cloth. I would commit to at least looking through the 13 XLARGE bags for a scrap to Begin. At least. After all, this blog is about cloth making, right? and Journaling the life wherein cloth making occurs. Cloth making being the center. Should.
but it's not there right now. right now i am simply totally content staring across the vast expanse of the maybe 10 feet of this place i live to that vertical panel with the Temple of Sun and Sky, the Intelligence of the Universe, the triangle moon. I have no true urge to make.
so i reached the point of asking self why that might be? i am not sure how much of this is really what it is, but it's what i have and what it is
is that there is just so much that is weighing HEAVY .....this world that Humanity is hell bent on creating...and yes....there are many beautiful things but right now the balance feels so OFF. I feel like i need to just stand. and look at the heaviness and not feel any need to move to the SunnySide. Just feel it. Allow it. Not turn away. and if i can, write about that. On this Cloth blog. or this whatever it is place, the only option is to just quit entirely for however long, it's tempting, but also, i don't think it's the answer.
so i look. i read about 2 teenage girls leaving Ukraine, where their mother will stay, traveling alone, how they know the danger of that, but they go. i was brought to tears by serendipitously circling back to a long standing love of Homeboy Industries and then the UTube Richard Cabral Lo Maximo 2013 His brilliance and beauty and how this country of America would have WASTED him, can and does WASTE lives of such VALUE, and then so much about the experience of women now of child bearing age facing what they face. Remembering the two abortions of my own, one at 19 in an abandoned house in Detroit and another at 30 something...Planned Parenthood. And thinking again about Emrie's beginning, where there was CHOICE.
and i don't want to turn away from these things because i feel i need to put interesting and pretty things here.
i began to listen to today's episode of On Being. Sylvia Boorstein. Got as far as her talking about her childhood lamenting of unhappiness....her Grandmother's teaching...."Where is it written that you're supposed to be happy all the time?"
and i was getting dog food and Talkie's meal worms and wondering what i could do and
it said
draw something and that thought was relief. released something. the drawing doesn't need to be anything. Just marks on paper. and i exhaled.
we change the bandage every 3rd day. Slather it with this. Wrap wrap wrap. Meloxicam every other day, oral. and Gabapentin every day for pain. These crushed and mixed with peanut butter and Molasses. Served as a Ritz Cracker sandwich. He remains in the Curry House with it's narrow back corridor yard.
it looks great today and was not tender to touch when cleaning. you can see HAIR is growing back! We hope an other week or two....Vet will decide ....and it can be open to AIR . and we can let him back out into his world. Depending on how he is able to navigate, maybe all of it or if not, we'll modify by some new fencing and restrict his bottom cliff trail.
the two girls stayed a couple hours. highlight for them was hanging out with him. they brushed him and picked tufts of winter undercoat hair. At one point Brinley made a squinched face and said...what's that SMELL. Sunny Ray. He's a buck Goat. Oh, and the squinch disappeared and in it's place a bright smile.
this string wad was here when i got here. I don't know its story. i look at it a lot as i walk up and down for Goat feeding, is hanging in a tangle of poison oak vine that remains in the branches of this tree next to the horse trailer. The vines are dead now. Have been. Today it's the image for a story i am telling myself as it goes.
There's been a lot of remembering going on, a lot of spontaneous Tying In memories...like that Creek as a kid, all that's coming up now about New Mexico for several reasons, several Stories, some mine, some not. A lot more. Things just arising and taking on movement, no order. Like this string wad. I devoted the day to Thinking.
Yesterday when Alyssia, Jeff and Brinley came to pick up Emrie and to change Sunny Ray's bandage (still every 3rd day) a change happened. The girls are to hang out at the table in front of the door here. Two of them are too distracting for SR. They usually just sit and make stone arrangements. For the first time Emrie had come in this house and brought out some of her things from the Altar....the helicopter, watering can, Michelle's little yellow pickup, some stone animals. They were among the stones when we got back to the table. Were still talking. Brinley kept saying excuse me. Excuse me.....she asked if she could bring some things out too. She has rarely come inside since I've been here. Still talking i said ok. She couldn't figure out how to get the screen door open. That took a while. She was in here long moments and finally came out with some interesting choices, one of which was my Wolf Basket which i nixed so she returned it and brought a tiny glass jar with broken things in it, the two tea cups.....Both for me (herself) , she said.....the metal dog. They played, we kept talking. Excuse me. Excuse me......When is it my turn for a sleep over?
O.
So part of this day was reading about girls with ADHD. And somehow, that question is about all the rest. of what is unfolding now. About who i've been, who i am, about New Mexico, about the Intelligence of the Universe, about Art, Making, about Meaning and Purpose. about Time.
